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Ka-Thoughts on Todash

@ka-thoughts-on-todash / ka-thoughts-on-todash.tumblr.com

André. Brazil. Born in 1990. A dog cannot make this journey alone, but maybe a wolf can.
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April 3rd, 2024

Breathe In, Breathe Out. It is time to battle.

I realize now how strong I have been this entire time, and it honestly makes me feel sorry for my past self.

The last few months have been amazing! I had energy to do everything that I needed to do — establish a routine, study, take care of myself, work, everything. I found the strength and the courage to take a big leap forward and professionalize my classes (which I'm really happy about). I felt powerful, focused, and in control of things. And then, I couldn't buy my medication anymore. And recently I've been feeling the full backlash of it.

I started to realize things were wrong when I felt disproportionally sad over something Rafaela told me. It made me feel incredibly lonely and unwanted. Immediately, I knew it didn't make any sense to feel that way. It wasn't even anything about me! Still, I couldn't let go, and that stood in the back of my mind, making me sadder and sadder.

Depression was getting a foothold in me again.

What scared me the most was how quick it happened and how, this time, I could feel it creeping all over myself. Into every nook and crevice, corroding everything I had built. I had no line of defense. All my energy and positivity gone, in the blink of an eye.

It goes to show that our battle against ourselves is never really over. And it is the only battle worth fighting.

But still, as always, something came out of it. I have a newfound sense of respect for myself now. How was I able to go through everything that I went through in the past three years without any help, especially without medication? How could I do so much with basically no energy? I was so much stronger than I realized. If I did everything that I did feeling the way I'm feeling now, and if in just three months I made such huge leaps forward, I actually have so much potential inside me. I can do amazing things and be the person that I want to be, for sure.

I just have to breathe. Breathe in, breathe out. One breath at a time. I just need to be patient and overcome this slight bump, which is only here because of some financial difficulties. But money comes, money goes. Everything will be fine eventually.

I'm really sorry for the way I treated myself in the past. I hurt myself for no reason, I won't do it again.

I have made peace with my Shadow, and depression will not drive a wedge between us again. Civil war is no longer an option. We have an enemy inside Our walls, and we are going to gather our armies and join forces against Our nemesis one more time.

It will not destroy everything we worked hard to build together.

#ablejournal#depression
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reblogged
spitblaze
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dogalmighty

the only difference between me and a medieval peasant is that I can make a Spotify playlist to express my feelings

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bumblebeebats

medieval peasant: Behold, friends; i have composed the perfect List of Plays to express my agonies and woes in this trying time!

medieval peasant’s friends: this list be just Toxicke by Brittany of Spears 20 times in a row, thou canst not play this

medieval peasant: i canst, ‘tis my lute

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sootdust
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reblogged
alittledropofheaven
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crye-babye

Why does every single conversation I have with someone feel like a performance. I am performing the act of communicating which to most, comes naturally but for me, it’s like I need 100% of my cognitive capacity and to constantly calculate the best response, best tone, best gestures for the given moment and then do it over and over again perfectly until the conversation ends in order to have had a normal one and it’s so exhausting I feel like a fucking robot

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dulect

Seriously tho as someone who put literal years of effort into creating a Wikipedia hoax it’s basically impossible to get away with for more than like an hour. They’re fucking vigilant. I tried to build up trust by doing legit editing but my account got reviewed cause I approved a page that mismeasured the size of a ship by a few centimeters

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shiobookmark

Hot tip: Use wikipedia to find sources, use those sources.

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maurawrites
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passionforpasta

Danielle Nierenberg, President of Food Tank, shares a sustainability pro-tip in honor of Earth Day. Instead of wasting leftover pasta water by pouring it down the sink, you can save it, let it cool and use it to water your plants. The starchy H2O will give them a beneficial nutrient boost and help them grow. Just be sure to avoid using cooking water that has been salted or seasoned.

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smalltownsustainable

This also applies to leftover water from boiling spinach, potatoes, and hardboiled eggs, according to Reader’s Digest.

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saturnineaqua

this definitely is an amazing thing to plants, it gives them a boost like NOTHING that can be bought in stores. ive had an orange plant that didnt bloom for years and then gave them some pasta/potato water twice a week, and now its blooming like crazy , pretty much over night. and plants that were looking kind of drawn are looking BEAUTIFUL!

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