Together or not at all

TURN UP THE SOUND IM BEGGING YOU

a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.

@sassyphanface u <3

visiting the “back at it again at krispy kreme” krispy kreme. this is hallowed ground.

@demongrubbs

how do you make someone holy

you beat the hell out of them

my 96 year old catholic grandma told me this

did you just trigger tag my grandma

I love straight men

female traditions

its a woman taunt

NOTHING is funnier to me than the fact that Dumbledore literally designed the PERFECT protection for the Philosopher’s Stone but still let the McGonagall enchant a giant chess set and Snape make a Legend of Zelda puzzle purely for the DRAMA of it all. And y'all say Dumbledore wasn’t ever visibly gay.

Dumbledore when Snape and McGonagall came to him with their suggestions, knowing FULL WELL how unnecessary they were:

Flitwick, approaching nervously: Dumbledore, I heard that Snape and McGonagall are helping, and I’d like to design a – Dumbledore: – a room filled with enchanted keys. Flitwick: – a room filled with enchanted keys! Dumbledore:

Professor Sprout is a gardening lesbian who wanted to grow a dangerous plant and seized the opportunity when it wandered nearby

god is a woman was on in the taxi and my driver was like “who sings this?” so I told him and he goes “hm she’s the one my son loves ha ha I wonder if she’s His Type” and I was just sat there thinking either your son is gay or likes taking the strap from tiny high femme adjacent tops but I wasn’t about to say that at 6.40am no ma'am

AU:; in which childhood friends from Texas, Leonardo DiCaprio and Raini Rodriguez move to California to both become Hollywood superstars. They wanted to keep their relationship as private as possible but after a heated interview with a TMZ journalist they get married. Unfortunately for the Hollywood power couple TMZ leaks their wedding video which causes Raini so much stress the doctor tells her she only has hours to live on the night of the Academy Awards. Leo decides to cover up her death so it doesn’t take away focus from his achievement. Each year Raini’s dear friend Mariah Carey visits her grave.

Episode 1 of #LifeisStrange2 will release on September 27th 2018. 

Further information about DONTNOD’s #LifeisStrange2 will be revealed this August.

why the hell are we still on this stupid website

not straight enough for facebook & too ugly for instagram

unmute this for the love of god

@demongrubbs

i hate public bathrooms for all the obvious reasons but also because one time somebody in the next stall silently reached under and untied my shoe