King Megan

Someone had to synthesize the sound of your ears ringing for movies and stuff because you can’t record it.

It’s not pre-marital sex if you never get married

My most referenced meme is actually this sign from a furniture store's going out of business sale in my hometown.

he thinks he's being so smooth with his little face on my leg. i SEE you, villain

this tweet sends me into hysterics

Last summer, we went to London for a vacation and I bought a queen Elizabeth mask. We then went to number 10 downing st and I demanded they let me in.

Oddly enough, he didn’t buy it. 

I even tried to bribe him with a knighthood and one of my many castles.

Forgot my bloody key, and Phillip won’t open the door.

Lazy git.

Adding a caption when u reblog a post is like… serious business. You gotta have something good to say. You can make or break a post with that caption

cutting a worm will not make two worms

me, living my life: chaotic stupid

Lmfao

This post honestly keeps getting better

“mom im bleeding”

“oh sweetie there’s no need to be worried that’s just a sign that you’re becoming a woman”

“thank god, i was really starting to get worried about this axe in my shoulder”

when I badly need to pee but there is a line for the toilets