@aceproblems / aceproblems.tumblr.com
This is a social space for people who identify as LGBTQ+ and/or Queer. Rules can be found here and in the chat themselves. Be respectful and come hang out! Link to join here!
**NO intra-community bigotry allowed**
Hello! Is the blog being kept as an archive or can we still hope to see content? If the answer is the former, I wanted to take the opportunity to say now (since if I wait, it’s more likely this will never be seen) thanks for introducing me to the community! I no longer identify as ace but your blog helped me question my straightness and feel pride for my identity.
At the moment it’s more than likely that this is going to remain an archive, but I’m not going to rule out the possibility of me doing something with the blog in the future. As it stands right now I have a lot on my plate with university and transitioning and other stuff (like moderating discords) so I don’t really have the time to dedicate to the blog. Thanks to everyone who follows though for all the support and interaction and fun, it’s been great to have the experience of helping people out and feeling like an active part of the community. I might do something similar at some point with a different blog, or come back here but right now I wouldn’t expect any new content.
~Grey
I don’t usually reblog things but we’re setting up a discord chat for LGBTQ+ individuals and someone was asking about a place for aces before, who are welcome here!
~Grey
You might have noticed that I’ve not been particularly active over the past few months, this has been due to exams and preparation for them however my actual exams are all this month so I have a plan to become more active, maybe take the blog in an interesting direction and just generally post more after this month is over. I might post a few things here or there this month but don’t expect a lot (not that you would be anyway aha). Sorry for not being very active, I’ve been quite busy!
~Grey
Would this blog ever consider organising/hosting a buddy programme on here - like, act as a proxy for aces to meet other aces? Or do you know somewhere I can go to do that?:3 I want to meet people like me and form friendships buts it's tricky when we're in the 1% lel
While personally I think that doing something like that would be a bit more than I’m capable of at the moment, I have been an active member of an asexuality chat (formerly on chatzy, currently on discord) for approaching 2 years now. From this I have a multitude of friends who are ace, it has about 500 members as of right now!The chat is available through @theasexualityblog and has a blog for all news related to it at @acespacenewsI’d highly recommend people check it out as I’ve had a great time on it (plus you’ll get to meet me, potentially)
~Grey
Ugh, I used to not feel sexual attraction, now maybe I do (can't tell for sure), I didn't feel romantic attraction, but now there's this one guy... or maybe he's just a friend who I miss a lot, and I don't really care what my orientation is, it's just frustrating not knowing at all
I feel that, my romantic orientation is a complete mess. Romantic attraction, at least for me, is harder to figure out than sexual attraction (but maybe that’s because I somewhat feel romantic orientation and feel no sexual attraction).Either way, your identity is valid (even if you’re not 100% sure what it is).
~Grey
In my case it's just "I wanna do it and you're here hi" or "I would do it with you if you wanna cuz I trust you"-- I've been calling myself demi, and I think it fits but I'm not sure?
If the label fits and you like it, go ahead. However it kinda sounds like you might wanna question if you feel sexual attraction after an emotional connection is formed or you’re just more comfortable with people that you know well. Just something that might be worth asking yourself, hope this helps.
~Grey
Hey, just a quick question, (I'm using the mobile app so I can't look at the masterpost to see if this as been asked before. Sorry!) I identify as asexual even though I'm just 15, but does it make me not asexual if I still think about sex from time to time even though I would never do it?
Thinking about sex doesn’t make you not asexual, having sex doesn’t make you not asexual. Being asexual is about sexual attraction, or a lack thereof. Hope this helps :)
Also uh, the masterpost is for lore stuff so nothing actually useful aha.
~Grey
I'm ace, I'm 14, and I want to grow out of it. I'm too uncomfortable about sex (I'm 14 yeah yeah it'll "get better") but I don't want to lose my significant other just because I'm too awkward. I don't expect help, I just needed to rant :/
I discovered I was ace when I was 15ish, I told my girlfriend at the time. She broke up with me and it hurt, it hurt a lot. I was broken up for about a week, I felt like she only wanted me for sex and she didn’t care about me. For her it was pretty true but not everyone who requires sex in a relationship is like that. Some people just do and that’s fine and you’re not gonna be compatible with them.It’s a hard lesson to learn and it does narrow down potential relationships a bit but every relationship I’ve had since has been more fulfilling and more comfortable to me and that’s what’s important. At the end of the day, you might lose your SO and that sucks, it really does. Breakups suck for any reason, I recently had one end due to distance and it hurts but you just have to take it in your stride. Not everyone needs sex, loads of the ace community don’t like it, quite a few allosexual people don’t want/need it. It comes down to what you want from a relationship, you want (and deserve) to be comfortable, and forcing yourself to be sexual when you aren’t comfortable with it can be very damaging. Being honest about this kind of stuff is hard but it’s for the best. It’s not that you’re “too awkward”, if they leave you it’s because you’re not meant to be together. I hope this helps, again breakups really are shitty and if it happens (not saying it will) then it’ll hurt but you have a long life ahead of you full of people you don’t even know yet. I got a bit rambley in this one (don’t I always) aha, hope it was somewhat useful, for you or anyone else who feels similarly.
~Grey
Hello! I've been suspecting that I'm ace ever since I learned what it meant, although it's still difficult for me to be 100% sure. It's easy for me to think a person's interesting, but I've never wanted to be "physical" with anyone. Heck, I've been taking these online quizzes which reaffirm my suspicions, but I still don't know. It just seems like people are able to figure this stuff out immediately.
It comes easier to some than others, for me it took a few weeks of introspection. I started with questioning whether or not I was bi (as I suspected so because I didn’t particularly feel more sexual attraction to any gender, turns out that was because I don’t feel any sexual attraction aha) and I used a few quizzes and shit but mostly it was me thinking to myself and looking at my experiences and coming to the conclusion that I didn’t/don’t feel sexual attraction. At the end of the day there’s no harm in trying on the label for a bit to see if it fits if you think it applies to you. If you end up changing it later then that’s valid and not an issue. I hope this somewhat helps I think I’ve rambled a little.
~Grey
can i find someone attractive but not want to have sex with them (but only if it would make them happy/strengthen our relationship) and still be grey-ace? I am not disgusted by sex, I just don't want to have it. Also, what are the different types of attraction? I don't really know what the differences are and what i'm feeling.
You can want to have sex and still be asexual, a conscious want doesn’t define sexuality. What makes someone asexual is a lack of sexual attraction (which from what I’ve heard is a subconscious feeling of “I want to have sex with this specific person”) so wanting to have sex to make someone happy or strengthen the relationship doesn’t make you any less asexual.
As for different types of attraction, I’ll list a few:
I think there are more but those are what come to mind, I have some trouble differentiating between platonic and romantic (due to me being quoiromantic).
~Grey
Is there a specific type of kissing that's not platonic and gets sexual/romantic? Or can I French kiss my (also ace) best friend for 3+ hours without leaving the beloved friendzone? (Actual nonhypothetical scenerio)
Any way of kissing can be whatever the two people feel it is, kissing isn’t inherently sexual/romantic but it can be considered so. In short, yes you can french kiss your friend for however long and have it still be platonic (but for 3+ hours you might wanna stop to breathe a few times).
~Grey
Hi! Is sexual attraction an innate feeling/response? Like is it supposed to be when one person sees another and automatically knows they'd have sex with that person? Sincerely, a questioning ace
I believe so? From what I’ve heard it’s like an automatic “I would like to have sex with this specific person” (as opposed to libido which is your body saying “I want sex in general”). I have however never felt it so I’m going of what allos have said.
~Grey
Hey, I identify since around one or one and a half year as a panromantic ace and a half year ago i came out to my best friend, at first she seemed ok with it, even knew what it was and everything and i was happy, but recently she started to make some "weird" comments like saying that it's different for me after she joked about not having a boy/girlfriend and I said look at me I have nobody to. Comments that go in the direction of ace=aro. Have you any advice how i could talk to her about that?
Just be honest with her, direct her to sources and explain the difference between sexual and romantic orientation. If she’s fine with you being ace I doubt she’ll have a problem accepting your romantic orientation, although there’s always that possibility. If she has further questions you can always direct her here or to other asexuality blogs.
~Grey
Hey, just a quick question, (I'm in moblie btw so I can't look at the masterpost so sorry if this as been asked) Ok, I'm 14, but I identify as a Asexual, but the problem is that 1, am I too 'young' to know, even though with everything else in told I have the mental age of an 16-18 year old, but also I don't think I know what love feels like, so am I aromatic too? Thanks for reading if you did! :3
First things first, no you’re not too young to be able to explore your sexuality and describe yourself with labels. One of the most used arguments by people who say people are too young is that your sexuality might change but it’s a flawed argument because it derives its basis from the idea that sexuality is unchanging when it isn’t. Sexuality is fluid and if you end up not being asexual in the future then that doesn’t mean you’re not asexual right now, it’s not about your past feelings or future feelings it’s about now.Also in reference to the love thing, you could very well be aromantic if you do not know what romantic attraction feels like, or you could be somewhere else on the aro spectrum (such as quoiromantic) but if you feel like aromantic fits you then use it.
Gatekeeping based on age, be it related to sexuality or gender, irritates me to no end and is based on flawed arguments. I hope this helps!
~Grey
I just realised that it’s been two months since this blog was active and I apologise for that, I’ve had stuff going on involving exam preparation and coursework but I shouldn’t have left it so long. Anyhow, it’s trans awareness week this week and considering all the admins of this blog are trans this will be honoured by having a week of transgender awareness. If any trans followers (or non-followers for that matter) want to send in selfies, stories, questions e.t.c that would be fantastic and I will try my best to get around to everyone. Again, apologies for the long inactivity, I’m going to try to make sure that doesn’t happen again however when my exams get closer I may have to have another hiatus, we’ll see how things go.
~Grey
