SO I'M BACK TO TUMBLR.

Just not on this blog. If you miss me, follow me on my new blog: thedrizzyequation.

Trying to find all my old friends here. I'd love to get back in touch.

My mom passed away this week.

It was sudden although maybe expected. Right now, I am doing okay, but I've been trying to reach out to everyone because that's what feels right. I wanted you guys to know.

So because I'm dumb, I found Nick's tumblr. The job he left me for? He got fired right after breaking up with me. When we met to exchange stuff, he was unemployed and he didn't tell me. And it didn't change his mind.

He also is dating someone new that's apparently great. That he started dating right after we broke up. So he couldn't handle relationships then started another one?

I freaked out. I'm going to therapy at noon. I can't wait. I am freaking out and can't deal with it.

I blocked his tumblr so I can't see it on my work comp and will do it when on my laptop when I get home. One of my new good friends is going to help me do it on my phone when I get back from therapy. And I'm going to block his number, too.

I think I might have to delete this tumblr. I am never getting back on Facebook, now. I am going to throw up everywhere and maybe just stop being anything at all.

I've started tweeting again. They are all emo tweets. Don't follow me.

twitter.com/madisonhale

Spending my 3000th post talking about how much I hate everything in my life right now. Personal life sucks, work sucks, feel disconnected from everyone.

Going to email my therapist today or tomorrow. Need to start going. I'm unraveling and cry every day and this is just not okay.

How did I let myself love someone so much?

Want to know something really embarrassing? I've been texting this one guy from OKC who I'm supposed to go on a real date with on Saturday. I was just like medium on the whole thing, but tonight he asked my favorite authors and told me his. He listed Ayn Rand as one of them. I asked about it and he was like really into them but also could tell I wasn't and like whatever. I tried to discuss it but I guess he didn't really understand why she sucks and was hurt I said something? So of course the natural way to handle the situation is to break down in tears because you miss your dumb fucking ex so much and bawl while you let yourself wonder if he's found someone else to send dumb ghost and leopard emojis to and laugh with and sleep next to. If for evey 10 times you think of him does he even think of you once? If this is just it, if you're just some dumb puddle who of someone who used to be happy? Things like aren't even that bad and still I spend so much time wishing I didn't exist anymore.

Got bangs. Whaddddupppppp.

I'm not back, just wanted to give y'all a little update. I'm doing a lot better. The overwhelming sadness seems to have finally broken and my good mood feels stable although a little shaky. Not to say that I am super happy or don't cry every few days, but it's minimal and I really feel like I'm moving forward. It's slow, and it sucks, but it's happening.

I'm trying dating again. No, I haven't met anyone even close to cool, but I'm on OKC and am trying to be more of a "go getter" in real life. I even gave this cute guy my number...he texted me, but turns out he was only 20. Lolololololololololololol.

I'm keeping busy. Weekends are still pretty sucky, but again, I'm keeping busy.

If anyone in Austin wants to hang out, MESSAGE ME AND LET'S EXCHANGE NUMBERS AND LET'S HANG OUT. I am having/want to have more fun adventures and try a million new things and meet everyone under the sun. Or at least on Tumblr haha.

Don't know when/if I'll be back, but that's not because I don't love and value all of you. I just learned that when you open up yourself and your life so much to someone, when they destroy everything you had together, some things were so entwined that it hurts too much to try to get them back.

Anyways, have a great weekend and love ya all.

Current favorite thing ever.