mother-of-puppers reblogged
mother-of-puppers reblogged
Facts about your body after you turn 25, AKA things I wish someone had told me:
- you will get hair in fun new places. this is normal and fine.
- these places include (but are not limited to) if you don't already have them: your asscrack, your back, your ears, and moles. it's fine.
- some of you, dick or not, will also lose hair. this is normal, but also if you have ovaries maybe get this checked out for PCOS.
- your acne will probably change. some people get better. some people get worse. it's fine.
- your nails will probably get an infection or a fungus at least once in your life. this is fine. (but also let your doc know).
- how you gain and lose fat and where you do so will change. this is fine.
- how you smell will change. this is fine. (fishy or rotten smells mean doctor time though)
- if you have a prostate: it gets harder to pee. prostates enlarge as you age (get this checked regularly). this is fine.
- if you do not have a prostate: it gets easier to pee but not in a good way. as in as you get older, your pelvic floor muscles tend to lose some of their strength. this makes it harder to keep pee in. this is fine.
- all breasts and pectorals eventually sag, with the rest of your body. this is fine.
- a decent percent of the population will experience a cyst at least once. some of you will make up for the rest with multiple. this is fine, but keep them checked out by a doctor. (sometimes this is a condition! get checked for that too!)
- almost half of everyone gets hemorrhoids. it's a good idea to just expect them since your chances of getting them get higher the older you are. your toilet will look like a murder scene. definitely get your booty checked out BUT this is almost always perfectly normal. just eat more fiber. "but I already-" eat more fiber. and maybe suck it up and buy some hemorrhoid cream, you'll thank me later.
- yes, this means you will probably need to make an appointment for a doctor to see your butthole. it's okay. not only do they really not care but 1. they've seen weirder that day and 2. they'd far rather you see them now than later when it's been going on for forty years and now it might be colon cancer. it's okay. consider it a rite of passage.
- adults need more sleep than children. don't believe the myth that you need less than they do. that is capitalist propaganda to make you give up more of your life to the work grind, comrade.
- vitamins and medicine, something you are more likely to take as you get older, sometimes make the toilet turn weird colors. it's okay.
- if you still have your tonsils and get those little stones and get sore throats more than once a year you should plan on getting those suckers out before the tonsils cause an infection and go septic. if you're getting stones at all you should get those reevaluated every year, especially if the stones are bigger than a needlehead (or get bigger over time). it's gross and yucky. I don't care. get them looked at before you end up in the hospital.
- you'll probably need to add foot support to your shoes if you don't already do. this is fine.
- your body changes. sometimes it can feel sorta weird and upsetting that it isn't what it used to be. that is okay, and it is okay to be upset. just know that this is normal, it's normal to be upset or not upset, but don't let it hinder your quality of life. trans or cis, there is a certain level of acceptance you just gotta give your body and forgive your body for as you get older. it's okay.
- it's okay. I promise.
mother-of-puppers reblogged
i need a very tiny leash and collar so i can walk my alcohol molecule
mother-of-puppers reblogged
Really fucked up actually that the "you are valid" culture which, usefulness and uh, validity thereof aside, was intended to provide some some perspective for people who may have been blamed for harmless things they could not control morphed into "if strangers on the internet do not constantly tell me I'm good and perfect they are the oppressor" and "even constructively and gently telling me that I hold some power and responsibility to seek a better situation is an unspeakably cruel act."
Once, in an argument with my therapist about a decision I made to antagonize my mother, I snapped, "My feelings are valid," and he shot back, "They're valid because they're real, but that doesn't make them rational."
It was a more nuanced and tailored conversation after that, but that particular quote struck me especially and made me realize how often I was conflating "valid" with "reasonable" or "justified."
mother-of-puppers reblogged
A fully grown adult commented on that reddit post of "My cat got upset when my girlfriend spanked me" with "maybe you weirdos shouldn't be physically harming your partners" and I'm losing my shit adfklhsglk
The first time My cat saw me getting smacked around during sex, he did Not defend me, but instead jumped onto the bed and slapped me in the face so he could be on the winning team
Okay first of all how dare you make me laugh when I have pneumonia
mother-of-puppers reblogged
mother-of-puppers reblogged
dichotomy of “nothing in the digital age is permanent, we are losing physicality and thus part of ourselves” vs. “everything in the digital age is permanent, everything you do is recorded and stored for later use against you or to exploit you”
mother-of-puppers reblogged
Bff’s from the beginning.
that baby is making biscuits on that cat. what a role reversal.
leonei-d
Omg!!!!
That cat is just so content. He’s like, “Finally, a human that can speak my love language!”
mother-of-puppers reblogged
mother-of-puppers reblogged
mother-of-puppers reblogged
everyday i wake up and plan on doing Things but then i just
mother-of-puppers reblogged
When Anne has a will, Anne hathaway.
I think we need to add her to the immortal list.
Confirmed. Likely a very modern one, due to her lack of period affectations. She’s just kicking this journey off and has plans for centuries.
Counterpoint, from @if-i-am-not-for-me, she was married to Shakespeare. She’s just pretty good at keeping up with things.
Further counterpoint,
She’s still married to Shakespeare
When Anne hath a Will, Anne Hathaway
mother-of-puppers reblogged
Reblog and put in the tags how often you “clean” your tumblr account, deleting old posts.
mother-of-puppers reblogged
mother-of-puppers reblogged
I’m so much more productive after the sun goes down. While the sun is up I feel the weight of having to do things and it just overwhelms me.
But when the sun has gone to bed suddenly my time is my own. I can do with it what I will and oftentimes that means the cleaning I’ve been meaning to do, the projects I’ve been putting off. They suddenly don’t seem overwhelming to me.
I like it when the sun goes down.
Ah, your ancestors were the ones who kept the night watch around the campfire
I’m sorry but this is genuinely the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.
mother-of-puppers reblogged
Tonight on My Husband Doesn’t Know How to Baby Talk
“Ma’am, are you aware that these, right here are your hands? They belong to you. And you get to decide what happens with them. So when you use these hands to pull your binky out of your mouth that is not necessarily a dad problem. I’ll fix it obviously i just want you to acknowledge it’s not my fault”
Husband: ma’am it has been reported lately that you do in fact have tiny little toes and a little button nose, do you care to comment?
Penny Rose: Babbles in Baby
Husband: RIVETING!
Penny Rose: Does that High Pitched Baby Yell ™️
Husband: Let it out friend! Feel your feelings!
Me: Hehehe silly husband doesn’t know how to do baby talk
All of tumblr collectively at my husband:
Penny Rose: does a sad baby scream
Husband: you don’t even have to understand taxes yet! I can explain them but you’ve got several years before that’s relevant!
Penny Rose: wide eyes, staring at her father, almost intrigued
Husband: I lied to you Penny your mother does our taxes. Do you want to know about arbitration? I know all about arbitration.
THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND
yes he just walks around the house and talks to her like this
Penny Rose: Cooing as twinkle twinkle little star plays
Husband: Now Penny there is a lot of misinformation out there in the world and I hate to tell you this but the moon is in fact not made of cheese. That is a conspiracy theory pushed by Big Dairy.
????
mother-of-puppers reblogged
ok so there’s a game me and my friends play called “don’t get me started” and basically someone gives another person a random topic and they have to go on an angry rant about it and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to us at parties and car rides so I highly recommend playing sometimes with your friends
I love this idea. We used to do things like this in Improv.
whatblogidonthaveablog
Related game: “THINK ABOUT IT.” You’re given a random topic, and your job is to build it into an epic conspiracy theory, the crazier the better. You end your rant with a serious face and the command that your listeners “Think about it.”
smolredlesbian
Another related game: Illuninati. Similar to Think About It except you are given 2 completely different topics and you have to connect them to each other in a wild conspiracy rant
Rb to safe an awkward hang out
lesbiandeweyfinn
me and my friends play “World’s Greatest Expert” where one of the other players says “Hey, I heard you’re the world’s greatest expert on ____” and you have to give an in depth (and probably completely false) lecture about the thing you’re the greatest expert on. Other players are allowed to ask you questions.
The version I learned was ‘Ah Yes’ in which someone gives you a work of art or famous landmark and you go “Ah Yes, the ____” in a posh accent while making up the most wildly inaccurate history of the topic. Bonus points for how hard everyone laughs.