rough drafting week 1

bad: slower going than I'd kinda hoped after speeding through the zero, turns out writing is still hard

good: it is going. I'm most of the way through a rough of one chapter, which I think I can finish this week, and after wrestling around some pieces I'm happier with their new positions. writing more holistically is giving me a better view of how stuff fits together, instead of bumbling along chapter-to-chapter and being stuck with ideas I committed to before seeing the whole shape of the thing.

this chapter is 6k so far, likely will finish around 7-8k. which would be double the zero, like the zero doubled the outline. there's no way that'll stay consistent, tho.

right??

outline was almost 30k. zero is 83k. if the full rough draft ends up as some 160k monster istg...

a caroline for her appreciation day!

ghost in the machine, for caroline appreciation day

heres the picture without glados' ass in the way btw

Lyrics from ghosting

HAPPY CAROLINE APPRECIATION DAY!!!

My drawing for Caroline Appreciation Day ^^

like with lolita I feel like even when people are defending the book they tend to go too far in the wrong direction and flatten it into "well obviously the book isn't sympathetic towards pedophilia, you're supposed to hate humbert and think he's disgusting at all times" and I just feel like that's reductive bc like. the book is absolutely not sympathetic towards pedophilia but imo you ARE supposed to find humbert funny and kind of tragic and charming and that's like. the point! like he's intentionally written to be all these things!

if the book wanted to just be like. a straightforward condemnation of pedophilia, then humbert wouldn't be the narrator. but it's not a book about child sexual abuse being bad -- like that kind of goes without saying, you don't really need to argue it -- it's a book about the ways humbert justifies his abuse to himself, and to the audience. it's a book that's largely about how stories are told, and the way personal and cultural narratives can be used to justify even the worst imaginable behavior. humbert doesn't describe himself abusing a child, he describes himself being 'seduced' by a 'nymphet'; he likens his relationship to that of dante and beatrice or petrarch and laureen to establish historical legitimacy and lend a sort of tragic romanticism to it. it almost feels like the book is less focused on the story itself, and more on the way humbert spins it. he isn't written to be an obviously hateable monster, he's written to be erudite and tragic and funny, and that's because the book isn't trying to teach you that child abuse is bad, it's demonstrating the ways that being erudite and tragic and funny can be used to normalize and justify something that you already know is bad. imo it's largely a book about the ways that someone can construct a mythology to convince themselves of anything, and how if we don't think critically about what we're told then we can fall into the same trap.

it's also absolutely a story about reading past the lines to figure out what's actually going on. like it's funny that the book has become such a touchstone for discourse about Media Literacy bc I really think that 'media literacy' is like. one of the core themes. like the book kind of requires that you ignore the way humbert writes to make out what he's actually describing; the worse his behavior gets, the more flowery and beautiful his writing becomes. the story the book tells if you buy into humbert's mythology and the story it tells if you don't are dramatically different.

like the ways that the book depicts dolores suffering are there, but you almost have to read past the narrative humbert presents to see them, right? like when he complains about dolores being irritable and cruel and moody, he's presenting the picture of a fickle and unreasonable WOMAN who is toying with his emotions. but when you read what he's actually describing instead of the way he describes it, it reads like a fact sheet on spotting child abuse! she has mood swings, she lashes out at people, nothing makes her happy, she cries herself to sleep most nights. if we read humbert's account at face value, she's a fickle seductress who gets a sick thrill out of hurting him; if we recognize his bias and intentions in writing it, she's a deeply depressed and traumatized child still attempting to resist her abuser despite everything she's been through. like it's as close to an exercise in 'media literacy' as a book can get in that regard.

Hey teenagers.

You aren't slick. We adults know you look at our smut. We know no amount of minors DNI is gonna stop you from looking at our smut. We were teenagers once too, you know?

But please. Don't interact with people about sexual things online. Reading somebodies adult fic is fine. I don't like it, but you're gonna do it. Commenting on that smutfic, or joining a discord server for it, puts everyone in a really dangerous situation. Thats an entirely different level of risk. Not even with people your own age, since you can never know for sure.

Caroline Appreciation Day

Administrative Professionals Day - April 24th, 2024

What is it?

Caroline Appreciation Day is an informal fandom holiday in order to celebrate our favorite administrative assistant from the Portal series!

What do we do?

Talk about Caroline! Post about Caroline! Write fics, share art, start discussions, post headcanons, reblog Caroline stuff—anything to celebrate! Please tag your new posts as #cad24 and/or #caroline appreciation day

See you on April 24th!

i’ve been reading the haunting of hill house 🫣

bring back tumblr ask culture let me. bother you with questions and statements

reblog to let people know it's ok to bother you with questions and statements

in honor of portal day, have this screenshot of a post I made in 2019 two blogs ago

Transcript:

[“honestly when I look at portal all I see is female power fantasies

like!! everything that glados is is a redemption for caroline. everything about how glados operates and what she likes and why she does what she does is a reclamation of the agency that caroline didn't have.

-caroline has to stay tight-laced and "proper" in order to make the company look good? glados sings, glados makes stupid jokes for no one's benefit except her own, glados gets angry and gets weird and gets whatever she wants to

-caroline has to curb her own intellect in order to avoid threatening the egos of the men around her? glados isn't just smart, she's clever, she's wily, she shows off the knowledge she has and does the science that she wants to do

-Caroline has to keep quiet and avoid voicing her opinion? glados has as many captive audiences as she wants, forever and ever, and by god if they aren't going to hear her every single thought

-caroline has to take abuse and misogyny and keep smiling? glados takes none of that- the scientists who tried to control her are wiped out, the man who thinks he can do her job better than she can is ruthlessly removed, anything and anyone who might threaten her is destroyed without a thought

-caroline puts up with a terrible man her whole life? boom glados is a lesbian no men needed

and chell!! chell is for every woman who is afraid of their power, who is worried about appearing too "strong" or too "angry," chell exists for every woman to look at and say, "this is who I could be if I wasn't afraid to do what I need to do to survive." chell doesn't make anyone's life easier at the cost of her own comfort, chell isn't afraid to be strong and buff and athletic (and mean when she needs to be). chell is for women who want to own their intellect without worrying about being ~refined~ and want to take no shit from anyone, whoever they are and whatever authority they have over her, chell is for women who don't want to make niceties or spare anyone's feelings, chell is for women who aren't afraid.

the women of portal tell us that it's okay to be loud or quiet or angry or weird or silly or powerful and fuck anyone who tries to keep us from being those things”

screenshotted tags which read: #god. do i need to buy portal?????

“yeah!!!”

end transcript./]

Happy bday to portal 2! Had to draw this unused line :•)