Hey everyone. You all might not know who I am or even remember me, but I’m making this post selfishly, mostly because I’m not satisfied with how things are nowadays in my life. For those of you who follow me, remember me and at one time considered me your friend then please, read this.
My name is Ashton. I started roleplaying as Orihime Inoue in the summer of 2010 due to my life derailing badly. My father suffered a stroke that left me on pause for a long time, and it wasn’t until I joined tumblr that I started feeling like myself again. I would cry everyday, hurt and betrayed that my dad would even get sick, because... He was my dad and he wasn’t supposed to do that. Become weak out of nowhere and just drop out of my life like that, that just didn’t register properly in my brain. So when I realized quickly that there was a different platform other than reblogging things or posting-- Once I found out about roleplaying everything started becoming brighter? I created this blog for the intention so I didn’t have to be myself for one day. It was fun.
It was an escape, definitely. I wasn’t at all good, and I still remember all the ooc posts that I made with friends back then and cringe badly but, seriously, back then no one cared it was just all sweet innocent fun. No one was insecure of other blogs, there was no competition and there was definitely no bullying. Save for a few anons but that’s besides the point... My Blog felt like home; it was where I met the most important people in my life. This blog helped me though a lot... Even when I took that 2 year absence in between I still cared for this blog more than I cared for my school work. WHICH IS NOT OKAY, but I care more about bonding with people that I genuinely had fun with rather than papers that judged my intellect. I was a tactile learner anyways and nothing really judged me correctly-- I was an awful student, let’s be real.
I loved everyone whom I met through this blog. I loved them with all of my heart.
I still do.
I don’t think I will ever stop.
Nothing I say will bring anything back to normal.
I miss roleplaying, that much is true but I think I’ve come to the part of my life where I need to accept that my chance roleplaying as Orihime Inoue is over. It wasn’t the fact that her character was someone who I loved dearly, or even the fact that she was someone who I personally relate to on such a high level... It was because all of my friends that loved show, that loved the roleplay... I feel like I kept going for them. Don’t get me wrong, I kept going for myself too but I don’t feel myself gravitated towards Orihime anymore because of... What had happeed.
I can’t even look at Bleach the same way anymore since everyone has been gone.
Yes, I joke and say I hated the show but everything was bearable because I had these people by my side. Now they’re gone. My love for this blog is gone... I want to come back but I’m just simply heartbroken. This was a long post in the making, and ive made it plenty of times with the intention to hurt feelings or maybe even call people out but I just... Don’t have those bad feelings anymore.
I’m just sad.
I’m still here. I’m breathing and I’m slowly working on getting my life on track so if anyones worried about my mental health, don’t be. I’m fine and I’ll get better with time. No one has to check up on me, or make nice with me or make me feel better because there is nothing to feel bad for. This is life and I’m slowly growing to accustomed to the changes in mine.
I’m healthy. My dad is healthy. My family has a lot of work, because the truth is no family is perfect.
I guess I have nothing more to say though...
Thank you guys for reading. Thank you for being here for me, even if you weren’t I suppose? Afterall, I’m just some stranger on the internet. I miss everyone though... So much. This will be the last post I’ll make on this account for a while, and maybe even forever.
Goodbye, I love you.
Sincerely, Ash.
