B A D L A N D S  //  H A L S E Y

okay so we’ve got choking kink, daddy kink, pain kink, leather kink, and he likes being tied up. good gods, i hope somebody is giving this boy what he needs.

Outlast  Joker x Reader  Part 1

A/N: Sorry for not posting much, I’ve been very sick and just didn’t have the energy to write but this is a new series I wanted to start, if people like it. The reader is a introverted reporter from home and writes stories that she posts on a website. I was eventually thinking of turning this into an Outlast crossover, and if any of you have played that game you’ll see how that would be an exciting twist. Anyway, this is how she met J, and then if people like it I’ll continue it into the story of Outlast, of course adding my own twists. 

Warnings: Like, one swear word

Y/N looked at the club, the Smile and Grin. There was no going back, and it’s not the first story she would do that would almost get her killed. It is, however, the first that would score her a psychopathic boyfriend. She walked in, immediately feeling overdressed as she took in her surroundings. It took her awhile to spot him since he was behind beads, staring directly at her. Y/N immediately turned away, trying and failing to act natural. She discreetly looked back, only to see him still looking at her. She awkwardly turned around again, bumping into people.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry.” She yelled while they gave her dirty looks. While making her way over to the bar she tried to be casual as she checked behind her again. He wasn’t looking this time. ‘Thank God.’ She could hear his famous laugh from over here and she smiled. ‘So close’. Now she just had to get him to answer some questions. She nearly spit out her drink when he stood up, his men leading him and some guy, whom Joker had wrapped his arm around, to a back room. The guy looked uncomfortable from here. Taking a quick gulp of her drink, she got out of her seat and followed. Before the door could shut, she tried to dart inside managing to get half her body in.

“Ow.” She squeezed herself in and noticed it was a hallway with 5 or 6 doors. “Crap.”

“The boss has him?”

“Yeah, right this way.”

“Crap!” Y/N heard voices coming closer and went to the nearest door, keeping her eyes on the hallway where the voices were. Her heart was pounding, her lungs ready to collapse as her eyes expected to see them come around the corner. She got the door open somewhat quietly and backed in, slowly easing the door shut. She let out a sigh of relief, turning around only to scream as she saw the Joker removing the veins of the unfortunate man. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she passed out. J and his henchmen continued to stare at her. J’s forehead creased as they all looked at each other, not really knowing what to do. Then Y/N gasped and sat up. Before she could run, two henchmen grabbed her arms, holding her in place. J’s smile grew larger.

“Well look what we have here. My shadow. You’re that reporter, aren’t you? The one that’s been nipping at my heels?” She glanced to the side.

“Um, hi?” J laughed, amused at her discomfort.

“Hi.” He drawed out playfully.

“So, um, I’m sorry. I, uh, was looking for the bathroom and I just got lost. Really. So, uh, it would be cool if you’d, y’know, let me go? Y’know, if you want. It’s up to you.” She gulped, her voice trembling throughout the whole thing.

“It’d be cool?”

“Y-yeah. I really like you by the way. I’m a big fan.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, totally.” J smiled, more like baring his teeth, as she shut her eyes in fear. The two men holding her were twice her size, their whole hands enclosed around her shoulders. J wheezed, the laugh catching in his throat and drawing out, creating an awkward and tense atmosphere for everyone but him. Like it was a casual everyday thing. He dumped the guy out of the chair. He’d be upset that his toy died so soon if he didn’t already have another waiting for him.

“Come! Sit dear, I’ll answer all of your questions.” Y/N, too gullible and curious for her own good, perked up.

“Really?”

“Of course, sit.” She sat in the chair, clearing her throat sightly. J extended his hand and sighed,  waiting for the feather light kiss. Y/N, who wasn’t used to dealing with people whatsoever, gave a surprised little, “Oh!” and grabbed his hand, shaking it up and down. J opened his eyes and looked from his hand to her. She smiled, thinking she had a chance of surviving if he was being so nice.

“So first question.” J looked at her in surprise. She can’t be serious. Apparently she was, because she pulled out a crumpled list with chicken scratch handwriting, and cleared her throat.

“Full name, please?”

“….Joker.” J stated reluctantly and Y/N scribbled away. His eyes met Frost’s, who just shrugged.

“Eh-hem. Hello Mr. Joker. I’m Y/N L/N. Next question…um, let’s see. Do you see yourself as a pariah? To Gotham of course.” She spoke in a weatherman tone, fake politeness and drawn out syllables. Then she leaned in with a giggle, and said in her normal tone,

“Sorry, I’m excited. It’s my first time interviewing someone in person. And if you haven’t noticed I’m pretty shy-” J closed his eyes, bored with her rambling.

“Got it, got it, got it.”

“Do you want me to ask the next question?”

“Why the hell aren’t you scared?”

“Well, why would I be? I mean you’re being so polite even though I know you have a hard time talking to people-” J raised his eyebrows. “-just like me! You just handle it in a more, uh, extreme way.”

“Where do you plan on publishing this?”

“Oh! I have a website-”

“Ok, doll. I’ll make you a deal. Quit your job, don’t publish the, ‘interview’ and you can work for me.”

Y/N blinked, a smile forming on her face.

“Really?” This time J blinked.

“Isn’t that what I just said-”

“Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!!!” She wrapped her arms around him, making him grab ahold of something to keep himself upright. She pulled away, the light in her eyes undoubtable. J wasn’t sure if he was just messing with her or not, but what the hell. She certainly was ambitious enough.

“So what am I doing? You want me to write stories for you? I already have plenty of topics to choose from.” She pulled more paper out of her pocket. J wrapped an arm around her, leading her out. He breathed in, opening his mouth as if he was about to say yes.

“No. You’ll be doing something else.”

“Oh. Like what?”

“I take it that you can keep up with things, right? Schedule my meetings, like a receptionist.”

“Oh, I’m not very good at keeping up with things.” J rolled his eyes as she bent down to pick up the paper that fell out of her pocket.

“If you’re not up to it, go back to the chair.” He thought it was pretty obvious that he would kill her if she refused to take the job, but she didn’t catch on and turned towards the chair.

“No.”

“But you said-”

“No. You’re taking the job, or I’ll kill you.”

“Oh. I thought the interview went well-”

“That’s why you have the- Jesus Christ, never mind. The old receptionist left a list of my meetings. Keep up with them, it’s your job to remind me.”

“Old receptionist?” J rolled his eyes for the hundredth time that night. Did she have to question everything he said?

“Last time I checked you don’t need a tongue to do this job. Keep talking, and you’ll lose yours.”

“But you said it’s my job to remind you-” One look alone shut her up.

……

J  decided to keep Y/N around after debating whether or not he should kill her. She was right- she wasn’t good at keeping up with things. Once he found several crime bosses at his door and found out she had scheduled 10 meetings at the same time. Apparently she told one to come the next day so he came a day early. Even though she still screwed up, she claimed it was his fault that he couldn’t follow instructions. The crime boss apologized when she started crying, and J told them all to just leave.

“What the hell was that, Y/N?”

“I told you I’m not good at working with people.” She sobbed.

Since she was amusing, he decided to keep her. Later that evening as an apology she baked him dark chocolate chip cookies. They were shoved in his face as he looked over his plans.

“Looks good-” His mouth dropped open when when he saw her appearance. About ¾ of her was covered in chocolate batter.

“Did a bomb go off in the kitchen?”

“No.” She whined. “I forgot to put the lid on the blender.”

J sputtered for a second, letting it sink in.

“You don’t need a blender to make cookie batter.”

“You don’t?”

“No.”

“Oh.” She looked so defeated so he took a bite of the cookies. They tasted undercooked but he made an unconvincing, “Hmmm.” anyway. He rolled his eyes when he saw her tears.

“I just wanted to make you happy.” She covered her eyes with her hands as she sobbed.

“Doll-” She sobbed louder, making him sigh and stand up. He walked around his desk and patted her back, not knowing how to comfort her. She walked into his chest, apparently taking it as an invitation, and he rolled his eyes. The smell of the cookies made him hungry, and he looked down at her. He pried her hands away from her face, and then pulled her up to his height just to lick her face.

“Still good.” He shrugged and continued licking her face, cleaning her like a cat while she pouted.

“Hey boss-” Frost walked in, stopping when he saw J’s tongue on Y/N’s tear-stained cheek.

“What?”

“…Never mind. It can wait.” He walked out, and J shrugged, going back to licking off the chocolate. After it was mostly all gone he pulled away, taking in her appearance. Messy hair, tearstained cheeks, a childlike pout on her face, but still pretty.

“Fuck it.” He said and kissed her.

Jared on Alessandro’s IG Story, 03.12.2016 #1

The Fashion Awards 2016

So regal. I love that he no longer gives a fuck about being your sex symbol. He will wear a goddamn elaborate silk kimono-esq thing tonite if he so desires and you can just deal.

14 October 2010 by Terry Richardson - PART 2

Cine Live 2000

(via asking-the-death)

hey if ur ever feelin shitty use this

Holy shit I’m trying not to cry.

i really needed this one tonight

omfg

Do it!!!

I need to cry

EVERYONE DO IT

I fully expected to be Rick rolled and I was instead very, very pleased

DO IT

bye im……..

I really hope you guys are aware that Lush Oxford Street responded to this

Omg

Omg! 😍❤️

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW

Zero chill…

HOKAY! I’m actually going to share two – YES, TWO! – instances that were particularly annoying amusing! And I’m undercutting because it’s kinda long. 

Keep reading

THAT AWKWARD LESBIAN MOMENT

when you’re still dating your boyfriend, but you’ve liked girls since day 1.

(submitted by kaitthehippie)

lets not forget this gem

cant believe we’re leaving out this

and more importantly this

interesting how you forgot 

and

ok but

and

hmmm and perhaps

and these ones too

I’m not sure how you managed to forget this gem: