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Can I pet that cat?

@khaipie / khaipie.tumblr.com

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ironychan

A world where humans have no innate magic but our pets do.

Cat magic is pretty raw and they mainly use it for getting into places they’re not supposed to. They can be trained if you’re patient, and will sometimes do favours for their owners out if the blue, but only if they want to.

Dogs have been bred for specific magic over the centuries and each breed can do certain things. Showing off your magic is an essential part of a dog show.

Horses come in horse, pegasus, and unicorn, each with their own magical talents.

Fuck knows what birds can do, I don’t trust birds.

For an obvious example… dalmatians have been bred for fire magic. A properly trained dalmatian will run into a burning building and all the fires around it will go out. Caution is necessary, of course, because they can also do the opposite. Their favourite toys are often a bit blackened, and puppies must be kept in fireproof surroundings, with extinguishers in easy reach.

The Pekingese’ magic is camouflage - they can change colour to match whatever they touch, whether a blanket, a mossy rock, or even a reflective mirror. This ability originally enabled them to hide in a robe, so their owners could take them into places where dogs were technically not permitted. The classic image of a pekingese is of it sitting outside a building, appearing to be part of the stonework… until it reveals itself to growl at an intruder.

Portuguese water dogs are canine silkies - in deep enough water they transform into curly-haired seals, and when they climb back out and shake off, they turn back into dogs.

Cats are often thought to be selfish and troublesome, to only use their magic for themselves, and for random but odd favours.

This is not the entire truth.

Cat magic is largely Watch and Ward, which is only observable in what does not happen. Cats are known to protect sleeping humans from danger simply by being present, their lamp-like eyes acting as a sort of n’est pas possible upon all possible intruders, from pests to more deadly threats.

Pitbulls over the ages were bred to emit magic to calm children and help them sleep

Collies can multiply themselves for a short time to corral animals

St Bernard’s turn into snow and can feel where an avalanche is going to happen hours before the event

Anatolian Shepherd can shapeshift into other animals around them to blend in

corgi magic is banned in most public areas, and one of the few dog magics not to be demonstrated in show- allowing your corgi to perform magic in public can be punished with up to $1000 in fines, even before the costs of damage to people and property

Golden Retriever magic is sometimes considered “disney” magic, as they typically attract waterfowl and game birds. this is not always the benefit one thinks it would be, as some lines have a penchant for attracting swans! some, however, attract vertebrates of a different sort. one remarkable individual was given an honorary degree in wildlife biology for her prodigious ability to attract frogs and toads, and is currently hard at work in Costa Rica.

no. you must live for her. she demands it of you. how else would you be able to appreciate all these great amphibians she’s finding?

A cat’s protective aura gets stronger in response to affection and respect. If you bond strongly enough with one, you can actually FEEL the magic working, soothing fear and anxiety. They also work in dreams, catching and killing nightmares. Some can do this from several rooms away, while others like to work more closely and will sit on their owners’ chests or heads while they sleep.

Yes please to all of this.

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kk-maker

Rat magic: a mysterious multiplication of SOMETHING–food or other valuable resources generally–which can be pretty handy if you don’t mind the nibble marks.

Beagle magic is mostly low-grade telepathy, which is very handy for coordinating a pack hunt, but also makes individual dogs prone to neurosis.

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markv5

Два вечно удивлённых изумруда на плюшевом серебре :3

Два вечно удивлённых изумруда на плюшевом серебре :3

“two perpetually smiling emeralds on plush silver :3”

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giflounge

1944 - Snowball the cat tries to take over a machine gun in Normandy so she can shoot some Nazis herself.

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skypig357

Blessed post. Good kitty

i want someone to read that headline in an old timey reporter voice

Okay fun fact: cats were actively deployed to trenches and ships to help deal with rodent infestations in both world wars, and they had the curb cutter effect of keeping the men’s spirits high.

One cat, Simon, was given the rank “Able Seacat Simon” after dutifully killing rats and mice that were destroying the HMS Amethyst’s food supplies. The ship had come under fire during the Chinese civil war and many of its crewmen had died. The cat had been gravely injured, too, but he picked out the shrapnel himself – seriously – and went straight to killing the rodents that were overrunning the ship. He unfortunately passed from his injuries two weeks before he was scheduled to receive the Dickin Medal. To this day, he is the only cat to receive this award.

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petermorwood

Here’s another WW1 trenchcat, who would have been ratter, mouser, companion and gas warning - not AFAIK by dying, like a canary, but since cats reacted to the smell of gas long before it was strong enough for humans to notice, the troops had a bit more time to get their masks on, and the cats went into gasproof boxes.

Meanwhile, somewhere on the other side of No Man’s Land…

Meet Percy, mascot of HMLS (D20) “Daphne” with Lt Drader. Both survived the War, and Percy retired to live out his peacetime life in the Drader family home.

(Here’s a video clip; given how noisy, hot and smelly early tanks were, Percy seems remarkably unfazed.) 

A US Army tank cat, Mustard of the 321st, with a Renault FT light tank and its driver Sgt Postal…

A Royal Artillery kitten (the battery mascot)…

Pincher of HMS Vindex on what looks like a Sopwith Pup scout…

Togo, ship’s cat of HMS Dreadnought (though I’ve also seen “HMS Irresistible”)…

Ship’s cat of HMS Queen Elizabeth atop 15″ main battery…

And speaking of big ships and big guns…

“Make nice all you like, Human. I despise you. I wanted a billet on a battleship, not this tinpot destroyer…” (Ching, of HMAS Swan.)

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Forget the friendzone, tell him he’s the son you’ve always wanted.

Queen Kristina of Sweden literally did this to her cousin Charles Gustav. He had been in love with her for over a decade and had proposed to her on numerous occasions. Under great political pressure to break up with her girlfriend, marry, stop talking to french philosophers, continue fighting a religious war in Germany, etc., she converted from Protestantism to Catholicism and abdicated to throne to her cousin by adopting him as her son. She then moved to rome to pursue her dreams of chilling with the pope, funding the arts, and dating more women.

This is the same Queen Kristina of Sweden who made a female courtier the official “Royal Bedfellow”, which is about as gay as it sounds

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Kya, canonically a lesbian, tells Korra and Asami about same-sex relationships and coming out in the four nations. We also find out that Kyoshi was bi!

My aesthetic is seeing my bisexual icons, Korra and Asami, discussing LGBT issues while the sky is painted the colors of the Bi Pride Flag behind them.

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possumest

ok tom holland is cute and all but he constantly looks like he’s hiding a frog in his mouth and it’s uncomfortably hopping around in there but he can’t open his mouth or the frogs gonna escape

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cashier: sorry for your wait. we’re short-staffed today

millennial: oh that’s ok no worries :)

 baby boomer:

Image

But listen that’s the thing. 

We are short staffed almost 97% of the time at my retail job. Because corporate has figured out you can overwork 4 people at minimum wage instead of paying for the 8 people you should probably have to be on the clock.  

Baby boomers grew up with stores that were adequately staffed, with workers who most likely had weeks of training for their jobs as opposed to the 1-2 shadow shift training we get now. Also those workers most likely were able to be full time if they wanted. Now retail, except for management positions, is mostly made up of part time workers, because you don’t have to give them benefits. So you have a workforce of perpetually underpaid, overwhelmed, undertrained people trying to do their best all while dealing with an entire generation of people who refuse to acknowledge that the system has changed and the average retail worker has NO control over that change and is being taken advantage of.

Like we got our customer surveys back, and almost every single one mentioned that they couldn’t find someone to help them or we needed more people on register because it was TOO SLOW, but what did management tell us instead of scheduling more people? We need to be quicker on register and call for backup if necessary. Which makes no sense because we can’t call for backup THAT ISN’T THERE.

Y'all my parents haven’t worked retail since the 70s and they absolutely never believe me about the things that happen at work. I explain the schedule for next week gets hung up on the Friday before and they scoff and go “well when i worked at X they had it a month up your manager is just lazy.” No mom, its company policy to only do “two weeks” in advance. They won’t give you a full month’s scheduling in advance cause it let’s you plan for a world outside of work. Or about the hours, workload or anything. They just assume its an individual’s failing instead of corporate mandate. Or, if they do believe me (that its company policy) they call it ridiculous and point out some survey that argues its Good Business to do (insert decent thing here).As if they think the higher ups don’t know this and are simply ignorant of Good Business Practices. They don’t understand that retail has completely shifted from caring about its employees to squeezing out every penny now instead of investing it for later.

Cause that isn’t how it was when they worked and they just can’t seem to see otherwise.

   I think there should be a ‘bring-your-parent-to-work-day’ instead of ‘bring-your-kid-to-work-day’, it would shock so many parents and would probably make them finally realize how much retail indeed has changed in the US.

when i first got hired as a cashier, my manager who had been doing that since she was like 17 in 1975 told me that back in The Days, when you were hired as a cashier in a grocery store it was a) a well paid job & you could get full time work easily b) a respected career choice c) the store closed at 6pm and was closed on Sundays so the hours were a lot more pleasant d) they made you go to cashier school for 2 weeks, which was basically a fake grocery store and you just learned the trade completely before even meeting a customer now its like : you get like 20 hours a week, bullshit shifts like 3:45 to 10:15, a 20 minutes training before being thrown to the wolves, customers tell you you deserve your shitty lowlife job as soon as you don’t thoroughly kiss their ass

The millennial experience is tied to growing income inequality and the indentured servitude of student loan debt

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a-trex

NOTICE:

Due to the lack of cicadas so far this summer I will climb the trees and scream in their absence

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macrolit

Giveaway Contest: We’re giving away fifteen miniature-sized, vintage paperback classics by Fyodor Dostoevsky, Charles Dickens, Jane Austen, Thomas Hardy, Edgar Allan Poe, Somerset Maugham, Emily Bronte, and others. Won’t this little collection lovely on your shelf? :D To win these classics, you must: 1) be following macrolit on Tumblr (yes, we will check. :P), and 2) reblog this post. We will choose a random winner on July 15, at which time we’ll start a new giveaway. And yes, we’ll ship to any country. Easy, right? Good luck!

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jayrockin

Today on plants doing ridiculous bullshit: some very misguided gardener slapped these two halves of cherry tree together, and they said “fuck it we’ll make do” then became a successful tree

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