fremch toast

i understand toddlers cuz if i was just born a couple years ago and someone tried to get me to understand and say words while i'm growing insane amounts of teeth very quickly and painfully i'd be having a temper tantrum on the floor of a department store too

at the point in my life where whenever a kid cries in public i'm like man i get it. carry on

the christ is risen...he is risen indeed...happy easter to all my friends...<3...

So I was telling my dad about neko atsume and he just scoffed and said “you don’t need a damn video game for that” and went out to our backyard and put apples and pears all around our yard and now we’re just watching the squirrels come and go and he’s naming them all after old military generals

Great news everyone. There was a kitten wandering in the drive thru at work and my inner warrior cats kid tried to be a hero and capture him.

I have now suffered multiple puncture wounds and have to go to the emergency room.

Me: I shall become his mother and gain his trust

Me talking to an animal control officer five minutes later: he is a nasty horrid little boy and I am bleeding heavily

Animal control officer on the phone: So he’s in your car with you?

Me: Um. It’s his car now and he’s very mad at me.

Second animal control officer: oh you captured him and got him in your car? He’s friendly?

Me, my right hand completely wrapped in paper towels: wouldn’t say that

Urgent Care Nurse: Wow it’s strange he managed to get you so many times.

Me: I uh. Did not let go.

You vibe as someone prone to toxic relationships

People on tumblr will just say anything huh.

Oh cmon, "he hurt me a lot cause i couldn't let go" absolutely has double interpretation.

Me, holding a cat (of unknown gender) as it repeatedly digs its little teeth deep into my flesh: Is this… too… yuri?

This website is free

We pay in other ways.

we teach girls to shrink themselves, to fit themselves more compactly in a transistor. we expect girls to double in processing efficiency every two years. we say to sufficiently advanced girls, you are indistinguishable from magic

I'm only mildly morally outraged by taylor swift. She's kind of the poster child for rich blonde white women but she's not the worst one yknow. She's like the hillary clinton of pop music but I'm grateful that she's not a politician. I do find her lyrics and the way swifties act about those lyrics REALLY funny though. God bless

Some people really whip themselves up into a frenzy about this white woman and her notes app poetry she's getting paid gazillions of dollars for and I'm not convinced it's that serious. Personally. But it's really really really funny. The whole phenomenon of swifties posting lyrics like Can you believe she wrote this herself she's a musical genius. & she's like "I wanted to fuck like a mountain rat / but you were a mouse trap / we're tom and jerry / but like in a straight way" and when you start giggling about it they're like YOUUU DONT UNDERSTAND ART

literally anything could happen to my body and if there were blood in my underwear later i would be like, "oh, that explains it". insomnia. manic episodes. stigmata. my period feels like a plausible explanation for any of these things.

heidiwranglescats

btw.. Baa is apart of a litter with equally exceptional names

Raise your hand if you have also been personally victimized by the barometric pressure changes 🥲

Je suis désolé. Je ne parle pas anglais.

[Begin ID: "Red and white tabby looking at the camera with almost completely black eyes" End ID]

i never kicked mom strongly

Ricky…

awesome...