@leonardo-decafrio / leonardo-decafrio.tumblr.com
Low fat yo
is no one going to talk about 1/3 fewer cries than the leg
fat free yort
I know I just reblogged this but now I’m crying over fat free yort
weigh waters ened
Men who will fuck you until you can’t walk but also will treat you like the most beautiful girl in the world are the keepers
Russian Doll, The Great Escape (S01E02)
Is it “Happy Impeachment” or “Merry Impeachment”? I don’t wanna offend anyone.
treasons greetings
fun studying tip: if you’re a procrastinator, play tom jones’s “what’s new pussycat” on repeat while writing your papers and do not turn it off until you are finished, it will motivate you to finish that essay as quickly as possible
make sure to throw one “it’s not unusual” in the middle while u take ur quick snack break
Here you have the Infinite Jukebox that will play an infinite version of What’s new pussycat, randomly jumping through the verses and never getting to the end.
do you ever regret a post and the hell it creates
why do you people continue to inflict this awful post on others
its back
Boom, can finally reblog this as its CHRISTMAS
Good
so imagine you’re making ratatouille and you don’t like tomatoes. you don’t like the taste, the texture, the putting them in the water and the peeling them - eugh! so you say to yourself “lookit, this whole dish is nothing but vegetables, so what does it matter if i leave the tomatoes out?” a seemingly innocuous decision on the surface, but 2 hours or whatever later when you’re done cooking, you open the oven to find a complete mess! just a pot full of baked vegetables, none of them congealed or somehow unified. what happened to your beloved ratatouille? so you take to google and find that actually the tomatoes are an essential ingredient of ratatouille, as they form a “sauce” of a certain kind that makes the whole thing work. and so a seemingly innocent decision has destroyed the very foundation of the established order with disturbing ramifications towards the whole. in this essay i will examine how martin luther’s 95 theses lead to protestants being more boring than catholics
This is the opposite of a recipe blog
- *student in a lab coat, cutting in the cafeteria line* YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND I DON’T HAVE A LOT OF TIME MY EXPERIMENT IS GOING TO CATCH FIREEEE
- *loud pop* student, in very calm voice: well that was painful
- lab assistant, seeing me frantically pulling on gloves: oh no. what did you do now
- professor: come on guys, don’t hate on social sciences majors… it’s not their fault they were born this way
- so i was grading your tests last night. i wanted to kill someone.
- you have five minutes until the end of class to finish the test. but i want to go outside for a smoke, so three
- *section of lab report titled “applications of compound”* i heard that a drug cartel used it to dissolve bodies, should i list that?
- “i’m synthesizing this compound in my next lab class, what kind of stuff effects the success rate and yield?” “dunno man, it depends on your karma”
- based on my recent lab assignments, i have come to the conclusion that the professor wants me dead
- dude, Fehling’s solution contains glucose, what if it tastes like lemonade? *proceeds to dip finger in and lick it* well that was a disappointment. the potassium hydroxide makes it kinda bitter.
- professor: you’ll understand this concept in your fifth year student: sir, this is a four-year program professor: oh, then never
water is the only element that puts the fear of god into me
- don’t hug me i’m scared fandom with the humanoid notebook and clock - fluffy chicken day - those blue pictures that said ‘reblog if you’re in the ______ fandom!’ - all the tumblr island, tumblr university, etc. plans that eventually led to the planning of a tumblr convention which is what gave us the beautiful shitshow that was dashcon. the dashcon ballpit was overall tumblr’s best meme in my time on here imo, second only to sonic for real justice - tumblr trick or treating on halloween¿? - TUMBLR PROM - everyone remembers mishapocalypse but remember the all-out war that went down a year later when people couldn’t decide if there should be another one?? that was honestly almost as scary as the actual mishapocalypse - speaking of misha collins, when he posted his phone number online and this entire website collectively lost its shit. everyone had to post their text convos w/ misha - FRANCIEUM VS FORFUTUREFERENCEONLY - “the only adult supervision we have on tumblr is john green” (yikes) - the time everyone was gonna purposely not post anything the sunday after the guy who played uncle vernon in the harry potter movies died because of the quote “no post on sundays” but then everyone like……forgot and posted stuff anyway - the tumblr version of some nights by fun - moreos guy - when the 50th anniversary of doctor who fell on the same day as some one direction thing and everyone got really offended at this facebook post someone had screenshotted that said like “1d will be around way longer than ur shitty alien tv show” lmao - “swiggity swag, what’s in the bag” - when yahoo was buying tumblr and everyone was flipping shit and making posts saying shit like “yahoo better not go ToO fAR!!! they have an army, but we have a hulk!!!” honestly if i was yahoo and considering buying a website for more than a million dollars and then saw that that was what the userbase was like i would have backed the fuck out of that business deal - those “men of tumblr” posts, you know the ones i mean - when everyone hated miranda cosgrove?? was there a reason behind that or,, - back in 2013 everyone was planning to do this “tumblr day” on march 5th where you were supposed to write a big t on your hand and then if you saw anyone else with it you were supposed to “hug and exchange urls” lmao. im pretty sure no one actually did this but if that doesn’t describe the general social climate of tumblr back then idk what does
I dont remember even half of these???? what the fuck is mishapocalypse?????
God I wish I was you
I was walking through the toy aisle at Target when I found this thing and had a VIOLENT AND IMMEDIATE FLASHBACK to when JP first came out and they had a bunch of REALLY COOL T Rex toys that I would have sold one of my scrawny small-child limbs for but my mother wouldn’t get me one because they were “too violent and also ate people” :(
hnn I WANT IT SO BAD
on closer inspection, it makes a lot of really obnoxious noises and is also Too Expensive. BUT FEAR NOT I found this slightly smaller dude wedged in the back!
IT HAS BITE ACTION, AND THAT’S THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS
now we enter the testing phase
yup. looks good.
Extreme Chompin T-Rex says IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS
Can we take a moment to appreciate that we can use this as a rosetta stone to say “EXTREME CHOMPIN’ “ in four languages?
OH SHIT YOU’RE RIGHT, let me check the garbage to see if it’s still there! hopefully I didn’t destroy it in my excitement
*roar sound effect*
IMPORTANT UPDATE:
update update: I re-sized her collar and found a bag of toy bones at the craft store. I haven’t put this much effort into a non-school thing since my last job search, help
(secret bonus: the other side of her tag)
There’s more!
I love.
I saw that people are reblogging the thread again, so I thought I’d give you all an update on how Wexter is doing!
(just fine)
Wexter And The Case Of Her Continuing Marvelously Naughty Garden Adventures
OP and Wexter can break all my toes and I would still send a thank you card
Wexter says SHE WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING (but she might chew your ankles a little bit maybe)
so it’s come to my attention that at some point this weekend Wexter blew past 100,000 notes, and I for one think that’s very cash money of her.
it’s been a few weeks, I suppose we should check up on the AHSGSHGAFB?!
ajdhf.
op update: how’s wexter doing????
pretty good
Despite the fact that I occasionally compulsively overshare, people somehow still manage to know nothing about me
*fixes my sleep schedule* *ruins it the very next day* bro
Every time I’m reading English literature and someone mentions the “headmaster” I die laughing. “You’ve misbehaved. You’ll have to go speak to the dude on campus who’s literally in charge of sucking dick.”
No the headmaster is more like what we would call a “principle” I think
head master means HE SUCKS DICK IDIOT
How about instead of dumbledore its cumblewhore and he loves whoring around hogwarts looking for head and cum.
You know the drill
My favorite part of this is that you can just hear the defeat in this.
Coraline (2009), dir. Henry Selick.
“The ‘O’ in ‘Welcome home’ on the cake has double loops in it. According to Graphology, the double looped lowercase o implies that the person writing it is a liar.”
Note: The ‘O’ in welcome doesn’t have two loops, meaning she is welcome, but she is not home.
