Jasper Wildlife Assoc.

ring around the rosie

pocket full of

nobody:

common house spider: can i die of malnutrition in your bedroom please?

my mom has finally understood the concept of how to use “tea” as slang, but only kind of. she came into my room and said “jessie, i have tea today” and i was obviously like what happened but as it turns out she just thinks tea means information so she told me that she got avocadoes on sale. that was the tea. 

talking to men about music is just

you’re ugly you’re disgusting i’m gonna kill you give me $200 

my landlord every month

I really can’t believe I’ve been on this hell site for 8 years

Impart me in your wisdom of ancient times

one time there was a tumblr user with the url “pizza” and she would just comment on any text post about pizza saying “omg that’s me” and then we found out she had an entire tag dedicated to saying the n word

me: okay i’ve complained enough about this it’s time to put it to rest

me five minutes later: actually you know what-

This cat is DETERMINED to nap in his hammock.

i believed in this cat and was not let down

I don’t go to Straight Bars™️ because I once heard a DJ play all of Monster and skip Nicki’s verse and the crowd had NO reaction…. I have felt physically ill since that day

Ok I’ll bite. Who’s oscar

every time i open this app i read some dumb ass shit

And every time we kiss I swear I can fly

do you think truckers realize that theyre dentists of highways

explain

they both fuck twinks at gas stations

explain

i’m familiar with self care

Trees live underground and use the above-ground part as a snorkel.

I fucking guess

me on my way to steal ur man