Today was an upsetting reminder about the lack of empathy white people have for people of colour. A customer came in and he asked, “Should I call you Fred? Cause I can’t pronounce what’s on your nametag.”
Fair enough, though he worded it oddly. I forced a laugh and told him how to pronounce my name. Twice. And after the second time, he disregarded me. Told me he was just going to call me Fred. Now, I have a weird relationship with my name. I love it, I really do. But there’s this sense of apologetic-guilt attached to it. Sorry it’s so long, sorry you can’t pronounce it etc. That onus is hardly on me, but life’s funny like that.
In this moment though? I didn’t even get to feel apologetic-guilty. I didn’t get to feel anything. I was too busy being accommodating. Because from the moment he forced a nickname on me, I had to endure 5 min or so of the customer and my assistant manager joking at my expense.
Back and forth they went. “I’m not being politically incorrect!” “You’re so bad.” “She wants me to call her Fred!” And so on. POC being forced to endure being the butt of white humour is nothing new, lest we be seen as easily offended. But that moment was still so surreal. I was the subject but I felt so distant from the topic at hand. These people were joking about my name.
I was made to endure my great-grandmother and country of origin being mocked for 5+ min.
After the fact I’m not ashamed to admit I cried. I really would’ve liked to tell the manager, “You know, I hope that guy does learn my name. Because I was named after my great-grandmother, and she was named after a national hero.” But I cried instead. Because how do you remind someone not to mock your name? Why should I even be put in a situation that uncomfortable and odd in the first place?
But I was. Because that customer and my manager, like so many other white people on a daily basis, forgot that I’m human too.