I look just like you
in all
my dreams.
What does
that mean?...
I look just like you
in all
my dreams.
What does
that
make me?...
GENDER ENVY by Juno Lev
thingsthatgounnoticed reblogged
got a little weird tonight but i like how they turned out.
She’s my wife now so it worked out.
I’m worried that I’m getting sad again.
thingsthatgounnoticed reblogged
thingsthatgounnoticed reblogged
I went on a date last night and then you texted and asked, again, whether I would come there. Start our days with coffee, end with you making dinner. Forever. I feel myself tug towards yes and then I remember why it will always be no with you and I.
There are people in your life who are going to love you for all of the wrong reasons. They will love you for the best part of your face, the best part of you naked, the best mood on your best day, the best story you ever wrote, the best outfit you ever wore.
They are going to miss the scar on the underside of your nose from the time your older brothers dared you to run across a pile of logs. They won’t know that you fell on a hidden nail just as you completed the challenge. They’ll miss the scar on your finger, too from the time you were seven and closed a swiss army knife on it. They won’t understand that these are two of only a handful of things you can remember about your childhood. They’ll notice that you have great tits, but they’ll miss that your thumb tucks into their palm when you’re walking together and that your eyes have darker circles when a migraine is coming. They won’t know you get migraines. They won’t ask where the story you wrote came from, so they’ll never know that it was true. They’ll love it because it feels real to them. They’ll miss knowing the sweatshirt full of holes that they criticized you for wearing was your dads. You might tell them some of these things along the way, but they will remember the best things instead.
They will love your good moods, your energy, your sense of humor, but miss that you never turn to them, but rather to a shower or a pillow or the back of your throat to shed tears. They won’t ever consider you strong.
When the parts that aren’t your best come out, some people will shield their eyes as if you have just forced them to look directly into the sun for hours until their irises burn. They’ll silently make you promise to never show them that again. Those things are not to be shown. Be at your best so I can love you. I would love you more if only you never show me those things.
And you do not marry those people. You do not sit and sleepily drink coffee with those people. You leave those people and you remind yourself that they missed the better parts of you.
If every person who interacted with this post venom’d me $1, I could spend the whole first year of my MFA program writing without having to work, too. JUST SAYING. $1 to @Amanda04
Signal boost
thingsthatgounnoticed reblogged
adream30
thingsthatgounnoticed reblogged
We’ve gotten down to the last pages
Almost to the back cover
Your book is ending
But your story’s not over
For you live in mine
And even in past tense
There you are, the protagonist
N.L. (via wnq-writers)
Source: wnq-writers.com
in the tall grass, i lose myself. eyes closed, swaying in the wind.
people speak to me, say things about the way things should be, but i can’t hear them, they are just birds on the open air, circling in the heat, seeking the dead.
we used to run here. laughing while the flowers, kissed out feet, shrieking laughter as light as coffee mist.
she doesn’t come here anymore. she doesn’t go anywhere anymore. this is where i go, to scream my sadness. this is where i come, to empty, and be filled.
thingsthatgounnoticed reblogged
Sometimes people leave you,
halfway through the wood…
Into the Woods, Stephen Sondheim (via silentandcuriousobserver)
the sudden realization, like finding the perfect comeback, a few days after the encounter, in stairwell or the shower, the answer suddenly fills you. the french have a word for it: ésprit d’éscalier, staircase wit. it hits you, and you get it. the truth and answers suddenly bright before you. he’s dead. i say it out loud. to convince myself it’s the truth, this realization from no where.
there are days, i think to call you, to ask you simple things, to tell you of my accomplishments.
the memory of it all, the realization all over again, a new wound, like the air getting sucked out of me.
i repeat the truth over and over, louder and louder, until i’m screaming it, until it’s real again, until i feel again.
it seems so wrong, that the man who carried you out of your home, was ten years your elder, so weak with age, that my brother had to help, shoulder the burden. now there are nights he can’t sleep, remembering the weight he carried.
sometimes, i hold my emptiness, like a bowl in my lap, carrying it with me, careful not to spill its contents. sometimes, it envelops me its numb arms, cradles me in its vast embrace, keeping me safe, from those that i love.
i find myself talking to you, less and less lately. i'm starting to figure out, how things work, on my own now. i look less to you, and more to myself, and even there, i find pieces of you.
These stupid napkins, that take my breath away. How happy I am to see you. How despondent I am, to see you again.
and the sky cried with me
"life is so long." my mother said. "how will i go on for so long, without him?" she asked. "it's not hard to see my name here. this is where i want to be." she said. "i'm not asking to die. i just don't want to live, without him."
i saw you in the distance, and thought for sure i was mistaken. i walked away and ignored my first impression. when i came back you were still there, and i approached with trepidation, but it was you. i saw you. full and strong and healthy. your mustache filled in and bushy. but i did not believe. i heard you. you called my name and called me closer, you asked me to join your conversation. but i did not believe. but then i smelled you, i buried my face in your neck, and took a deep breath of your aroma; earth and oil and wool. and i believed. and when i woke up and realized it was all a dream, i felt my chest explode, and collapse, in the same instant.