Me running away from my adult responsibilities:

men moaning is basically the hottest thing a guy can do besides give you neck kisses

lets not forget when they whisper ugh fuck under their breath

or when they write me a check for $100,000

I think next thursday is gonna be the best day of my entire life tbh

reblog for next thursday to be the best day of your life

it’s sometimes hard to believe rasputin was real. like there’s no non-fucked up part of rasputin’s existence

did he do something problematic i thought he was just russia’s greatest love machine

basic (true) story: fanatical russian monk who has almost never shaved or washed and smells like goats shows up at the russian capital with a creepy look on his beardy face and everyone just assumes he’s a prophet or a saint because he’s got a cult following that believes he can cure illnesses. his stans are sexually obsessed with him and he gets just a fuckton of russian pussy wherever he goes cause apparently he can cure his true believers of illness with god-given dick magic. russia’s queen has him come stay at the palace and sets him up in luxury because she thinks he can cure her son’s haemophilia with the power of russian goat jesus, and they (allegedly) become lovers, probably, ‘cause she craves that unwashed goat-scented dick like the rest of his cult which she now  (allegedly) belongs to. 

then the worst assassins in the history of assassinations try to assassinate him, because all of russia is slutshaming the queen he has too much power over the royal family and it’s helping revolutionaries turn people against the royals. so these idiots have him round for tea and cakes which are poisoned with cyanide, but he is magically unaffected by poison they get the dose wrong and he doesn’t die, and then he drinks three glasses of wine, which are also poisoned, and he doesn’t die, so they tell him to look at a crucifix and shoot him in the chest with a revolver when he isn’t looking, and he doesn’t die, but they think he’s dead so one of them dresses in his clothes and gets driven to his apartment to make it look like he’s gone home to hide the crime, and when they come back he gets up and attacks them, so they stab him in the side with a knife, and he doesn’t die, and then he frees himself and runs outside, so they shoot him a few times more, including in the forehead, and they wrap his body up and chuck him in the icy river, and he doesn’t go into the water, so his body is found on the ice the next day. and get this…. he died…. of hypothermia.

additionally, everyone who wasnt in the party of getting rid of rasputin was pretty bummed out when they found him and his miracle dick dead the next day and there was a pretty bangin funeral of which the royal family themselves attended. however after the tsar was overthrown a few month later they exhumed his body and burned it because the new leadership was very adamant about making sure there were no ties left to honor the old monarchy. however this dudes body had never been properly prepped for a cremation which meant that under the extreme heat his tendons and ligaments began to retract and shrink causing his dead body to move and twitch around as if still animate. according to some testimony his body actually sat up straight on the pyre, and at least one spectator fired a gun at the body and another may have allegedly died of shock.

Rasputin was an old god from times before humans

He is like a cleric gone wild

“did rasputin do something problematic” i am going to die

He Scream

AHHHHH!!!!

OOOOOOOOGHHHH

I can’t believe they oblitered straight men like that

@tabbran please add lemon man story to this

PRESENTING LEMON MAN

That was a wild goddamn ride

god this was worth the read

me whenever anybody says that they like me/that i’m their friend

When a mass shooting occurs, we talk about gun control and mental health issues, but we never talk about toxic masculinity or male violence. Women have access to guns. Women suffer from mental health issues. So what’s the difference? Why can’t we talk about it in those terms?

Many school shooters, one common factor: a warped view of masculinity

“As debate rages over gun control, media portrayals of shooters, and other factors, one topic doesn’t get enough discussion, those who study mass shootings say: masculinity.”

Read the full piece here

In case you think toxic masculinity isn’t involved with these shooters, this headline is from YESTERDAY (TW for violence against women, gender violence):

“Kill all the girls. I will. I’m serious”: Today’s depraved young male threatens to kill cheerleaders

“Another day, another threat: This one from a teen furious that cheerleaders wouldn’t give him nude photos”

Read the story here (TW for violence, threat)

My last two brain cells

When your brain finally has some good creative ideas but it’s 3 AM and you need to sleep

“i am a monument to all your sins” is such a fucking raw line for a villain it’s amazing that it came from halo, a modernish video game, and not some classical text or mythos

classic texts have nothing on the crazy people come up with in modern times tbh

– Joshua Graham, Who Is A Fallout New Vegas NPC, Something Most People Throwing This Quote Around Don’t Realize

– Shadow the Hedgehog in what is widely considered one of if not the single worst game in the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise

this is the source for this text and it haunts me on a regular basis

Huh, it’s almost like art isn’t just fine art…

this is my addition to this ever growing list of raw quotes originating from unexpected sources

:)!

literally how can you hate this masterpiece