My Sublime Journey

The Light…

After the the dust has settled and your eyes can finally see, That during the toughest moments you have to believe, Continuing to stand strong during those moments that matter most, By refusing to allow the past inside by entertaining old ghosts,

Because your past mistakes don’t have to define who you are, Since nothing’s ever accomplished by counting every single scar, Each of us will eventually have to walk through fire to continue on, As the chaos and destruction lingers at times before it’s gone,

So in those moments when the darkness has swallowed the light, I will not hide inside fear by blindly giving in and refusing to fight, Because at the end of the day what rests beneath my outer shell, Is those pieces of me that have grown into the mightiest rebel,

Staying true to myself as I allow my integrity to lead the way, By not letting the past or moments of anger cause me to sway, My heart following the path to where the sun is shining down, As I realize once again how the light is somehow always found.

~ KA ~ August 31, 2018~ ~ Photograph by KA ~

No Means No…

No means no even if we were together sometime in the past, Our time with one another obviously wasn’t meant to last, Which is why our paths parted and then headed in two different ways, So that we could move on and begin anew without any kind of delays,

No means no even if you find yourself stuck inside our shared times, What you choose to do with your journey now doesn’t figure into my climb, When I moved on long ago and chose to embrace my new beginning, I left my unhappiness behind because it kept my wheels spinning,

No means no even if you wish with your whole heart that this wasn’t the case, I have the right to choose who I’m with and not allow you inside my space, Because when I said goodbye and moved on I meant every single word, So even if you wish that things were different I have a right to be heard,

No means no even if you’re convinced without question that you know best, Your wants and needs don’t supersede mine nor was our end some sort of test, No meant goodbye, I wish you well and I hope that you find your happily ever after, No doesn’t give you the right to stalk me, invade my privacy and take away my laughter,

No means no, not maybe or a no that’s temporarily pretending to be a yes, So that you can use your words like weapons to cause incredible distress, Because everyone has the right to decide how their personal story will unfold, By doing what makes them happy instead of fighting against being controlled,

No means no even if you choose not to acknowledge any of my words at all, By allowing my heart to guide me to a place where dreams come true and I fall, Leaving our moments far behind in the past no matter what you do or say, Holding fast to the new chapter in my journey as I continue to find my way.

~ Poem & Spoken Word By KA ~ ~ October 16, 2016 ~ ~ Artwork by: Jennifer O’Toole ~

Lost Pieces…

When I first saw this prompt, I didn’t know if I could bare to write about that day. It took an entire week to put all those thoughts spinning around inside my head into words that made any kind of sense.

I believed in God through some pretty gut-wrenching years where things unfolded that should have never seen the light of day. But I think this particular day proved to be my undoing when my mind couldn’t reconcile what was unfolding right in front of me.

I have a soft spot for children, animals, and seniors. I always have. And when something unimaginable happens to any one of them, it can send me into a tailspin even on a good day. I now realize this was one of those days.

It was a spring day that started out full of sunshine and promise, but ended in a way that would change my life as well as many others forever. I finished an errand shortly before 9:00 am on the 1st floor of this now infamous building. As I walked approximately a half a block east, that’s when it occurred. An explosion of such incredible magnitude that it rocked the ground in such a violent way that it knock me completely off my feet even from that distance away.

I think when something horrific happens in a completely unexpected way, you find yourself in a tug of war of feelings as you try to suspend the reality of what is actually happening to you in that moment by trying to bury it under anything that you can.

This is why I forgot about this day for 22 years, 4 months and 16 days before I began having dreams about it every single night back in the fall of 2017. I continued to dream about it until I finally realized that I wasn’t experiencing a new nightmare…I was remembering a tragic event.

This past year has been a time of discovery, as I’ve retraced parts of this nightmare and recovered memory trying to shine a light on it as I follow all those breadcrumbs back to that spring morning so many years ago. Back to that day when I got a scar along my left forearm that I couldn’t remember anything about. Back to that day when I gave an older woman my favourite denim shirt because she was bleeding and this is why I could never find it. Back to that day when I felt death surround me and could not handle the pure evil that had set certain events into motion all around me.

But unlike the past, when I couldn’t see anything but the evil around me, there was a good that emerged throughout that day as well. During the chaos that followed, people forgot about themselves and focused on others as they rallied around all those souls in need. And despite the way my mind eventually locked this day up inside a box and pushed it to the very back of my mind because I simply couldn’t handle the events from that day, I too reached out to a soul in need despite what I was struggling with during that horrific morning.

What I now see with full clarity is the good inside that morning, despite the evil that descended down upon the city that day. A good that far outweighed all the evil that set that tragic morning into motion so many years ago.

So as I continue to retrace my steps through the rubble of those past memories, attempting to piece things back together again, I remember to keep a sliver of sunshine inside my back pocket just in case I need to light my way along some unexpected dark corridor. Until I finally find the lost pieces to a forgotten puzzle that first began so many years ago.

~ KA ~ June 2, 2018 ~ ~ Photograph by KA ~

Pure Joy…

As the sun slowly slips off to dream leaving a colourful painting behind, I find myself completely lost inside the sky picture he chose to design, A masterpiece of whimsy and wonder that won’t ever be seen again, A piece of magic that moves every part of me as I feel a pure joy within.

~ KA ~ March 12, 2017 ~ ~ Photography By KA ~

Our Miracle in Time…

In my dream we were happy to simply be together, Somehow we both knew that it was forever, We had some wine to celebrate our growing connection, As we basked in the glow of our new found affection,

You gazed at me lovingly because you simply could not, And I knew in that moment that my heart had been caught, You then asked me for a dance and I smiled my okay, As we both moved to the music and gently swayed,

You kissed my hand in a sweet and tender fashion, And I immediately felt your hunger and passion, You gently pulled me in close and embraced me tight, While we breathed each other in because it felt so right,

We got lost in the other as only soulmates can do, Because you saw only me and I saw only you, While our hearts and souls continued to become entwined, As we cherished this magical moment as our miracle in time.

~ KA ~ May 20, 2018 ~ ~ Painting by Fabian Perez ~

<3

The Moon and the Sun…

In the quiet of the early morning I watched the moon slip off to dream, As the world wiped the sleepy out of it’s eyes and awoke all agleam, I marvelled as the sun gently woke the world with he’s rays of hello, Bidding the sweetest of good mornings while sharing his sunny glow,

And just for a split second I caught a glimpse of the moon, Blowing a kiss to the sun as she departed way too soon, In that same moment the sun shined even brighter than before, As he cherished his sweet kiss wishing he had a few more,

Two soulmates only getting a moment with the other each day, Yet still loving one another just as much in their own special way, By making the most of their time together by focusing on what matters in the end, And embracing what they do have together as cherished soulmates and best friends,

I think we could all learn a lot from the moon and the sun, By focusing on the important things in life instead of what can’t be undone, By embracing those special souls who touch our lives in their own special way, By the way they bring extra shine to our lives and continue to brighten our days.

~ Poem & Spoken Word By KA ~ ~ Written: August 25, 2014 ~ ~ Posted: May 9, 2017 ~

<3

You’re My Light…

You’re my light in the dark, My calm during the storm, My rainbow after the rain,

With you standing beside me, While holding my hand tightly, You manage to ease my pain,

Never trying to rush me, Nor becoming impatient, Because time stops when a heart is broken,

Just keeping me company, While giving me comfort, Without a single word needing to be spoken.

~ KA ~ September 27, 2017 ~ ~ Illustrations By Erisiar-DeviantArt ~

<3

When The Sun Says Goodnight…

Psst! Come here, my dear friend and sit beside me, While we say goodnight to the sun, just you and me, As he tries hard to hang on for a few minutes more, And we loose ourselves in all the hues that we adore,

When he colors across the sky before slipping off to sleep, Making us truly wish that we could reach above and keep, The magic that he left hanging in the sky for the moon, When he scooted off to bed as he often does too soon,

Leaving just a few lucky souls to enjoy his sweet endeavor, Us dearly wishing that we could hang onto his art forever, But realizing that the sun will return when the moon says goodnight, When she slips off to sleep and the sun awakens us with his light.

~ KA ~ January 22, 2017 ~ ~ Photograph By KA ~

Purple Serendipity…

You sit in the shadows while you watch me shine, Whispering to me how this is my moment in time, While I soak up the sun’s rays as well as yours too, Determined to do what it takes to make it through,

As I take in life and all of us and prepare to make my leap, My heart wrapped inside your love because it’s mine to keep, Basking in our affection as I let go and embrace what’s good, Loving the steps within our shared journey just like I should,

As I get ready to fly free while sprinkling our magic all around, So that others who are feeling a bit lost can begin to feel found, In a place of purple serendipity where dreams can come true, Dreams that whisper heartfelt secrets between me and you.

~ KA ~ April 6, 2018 ~ ~ Screenshot from the Video Game: Home is Where One Starts ~

<3

Is Love Enough?

Is love really enough in this crazy world, To get us to drop our defenses and give it a whirl? Is love enough to bridge the gap between our head and our heart, To keep us focused on today and to let down our guard?

Is love meant to survive obstacles no matter the pain? Is love strong enough to wake the sun and vanish the rain? Is love meant to really last year after year, To overcome doubts and to calm deep seated fears?

Is love an illusion that poets adore writing about, To somehow find a way through their own fears and doubts? Is love this swell of emotion that sweeps you off your feet, Merging your heart with another until you share the same heartbeat?

I think love can move mountains if you let it in, I think love can calm rough waters that you feel stirring within, I think love can build bridges out of nothing but try, I think love can restore blindness in the blink of an eye,

I think love can boil over but also be steady and true, I think love is available to many and not just a few, I think love requires faith and the willingness to try, I think love rewards the believers by showing them they can fly,

I think love is completely different for each of us, I think love is most definitely worth all of the fuss, I think love chose me for you before we first met, I think love wanted to make sure you and I didn’t forget,

I think love tried to remind us of what truly matters in the end, I think love quieted the chaos in our heads and showed us where to begin, I think love gently guided us over the years to each other, I think love showed us each day how we’d never want another,

I think our love was given to us so we could show each other the way, So that we would finally knock down all of our walls that had kept others away, I think your love and my love are truly magical in what they do, Because they climbed mountains and flew through storms to become me and you.

~ Poem & Spoken Word By KA ~ ~ May 16, 2018 ~ ~ Image by JCJ (My Boyfriend) ~

<3

Pink Paradise…

Every bit of sneezy discomfort is worth it by the breathtaking beauty that springs alive and surrounds me in a pink paradise of whimsical wonder.

~ KA ~ April 29, 2017 ~ ~ Photography By KA ~

Parts of the Same…

I had always wanted what he gave to me without question or reservation so much, that I didn’t see it standing right there in front of me at first.

Being born into a family of alcoholics had taught me that love was cruel, conditional, and it was rarely there when I needed it the most. My family had taught me that love was a fairytale.

But then he happened into my life and showed me just how amazing love could be. He showed me love during my worst moments with a patience that to this day still leaves me in complete awe.

So when I asked him one day why he loved me so much he looked deep into my eyes and said, “You are the moon to my sun. You are my light in the dark showing me the way back home. You are the stars in my eyes and the laughter in my heart. You are my first thought upon awakening and my last thought before dreaming. You are the one thing in my life that was missing when I didn’t realize anything was missing at all. You are my double rainbow in the sky and my pot of gold too. I love you for all of these reasons, and for reasons that I’ve yet to discover. But most of all, I love the way your heart loves without end no matter what because I know when you say those three words that it’s forever.”

In that moment I knew with every fibre of my being that our hearts were parts of the same.

~ KA ~ August 2, 2019 ~ ~ Painting: Rainbow by Leonid Afremov ~

<3

He Is…

He is my fall, winter, and springtime too, He is a summer rainbow and all of it’s hues, He is the melody that plays deep within my heart, He is my day’s most treasured and favorite part,

He is the chuckle to my giggle when we laugh and play, He is that voice of reason who always gets me to stay, He is the soulful eyes that mirror the deep blue sea, He is the one who breaks through and truly sees me,

He is the hand that holds mine every step of the way, He is the shoulder I lean on at the end of the day, He is the smile that baths me in never-ending light, He is the arms that wrap me up and hold my so tight,

He is the whisper in the dark who helps me find my way, He is the one with sweet words that take my breath away, He is my sweetest and most cherished I love yous, He is my everything and my favorite dream come true.

~ KA ~ October 24, 2017 ~ ~ Painting By Vickie Wade ~

<3

You’ll Never Lose Me…

You’ll never lose me was some of his first words to me, In the very beginning of us when colour fell from the trees, And because I’m such a dreamer I believed completely in our forever, Never considering anything else except us always being together,

His words continued to whisper how I would never lose him, As he would cradle me close when my light would grow dim, Willing me with his all to believe in the magic that was all around, Wrapping me up in his sweet love so that my soul would stay found,

He was still telling me that I would never lose him from my life, When the ensuing days of silence cut me like the deepest knife, While I tried to rid my mind of any bad thoughts as fast as they would appear, But never reacting quick enough by the way some thoughts would bring a tear,

You’ll never ever lose me is what he said to me the following year, And he remained right by my side through some unexpected fears, As brilliant reds and yellows fell from the trees and we eased into fall, But my heart was still healing from deep cuts so I unintentionally stalled,

His heart kept on whispering to mine that I’d never lose his love, As he’d tell me to open my eyes and see all the signs of us above, And while I desperately tried to see everything that his heart was showing me, When you’re living with deep scars it’s hard to see what you’re supposed to see,

So he decided to wait for me to see as he kept telling me that I’d never lose him, He even carried tissues for my tears and matches for when my light would dim, Until I realized that I had healed from my deep wounds and I saw that he was still inside my heart, Where he’d been waiting for me all along and I found that our hearts had never truly been apart.

~ Poem & Spoken Word By KA ~ ~ Written: September 22, 2016 ~ ~ Posted: January 31, 2017 ~

<3

The Wall…

No matter how hard I try in an effort to make it over the top, The struggle that I’m entangled within never seems to stop, As I continue to run head long into a tower of bricks without end, Hurting myself in the worst kind of way because walls never bend,

The hardness ripping into my skin as it viciously tears me apart, Causing tears to stream down my face as I attempt to depart, Wishing that you would address this towering obstacle in our way, Pleading with everything that I have as I try my best to persuade,

While you look deep into my heart and ask me to open up my eyes, My confusion spinning in circles as I try to decipher truth from lies, You telling me I’m not seeing what is standing right in front of me, My hurt leading me to a place where my eyes can no longer see,

Clouds parting until the darkness that was once obscuring my view, Revealed a path for me follow so that I could finally make it through, As I discovered something that I never saw but was there all along, A wall built out of years of fear that had become quite strong,

Bringing me front and center with a truth that could not be denied, Revealing the reality of how my head and heart had remained tied, To a fear that had morphed into a monster of terror and doubt, Until I became lost inside a maze and could not find my way out,

Causing me to see something that had long since vanished away, So that a love that was meant to last forever could find it’s way, As I finally saw the wall that I’d thought was yours all this time, But was really a wall protecting me until our hearts could realign.

~ KA ~ January 31, 2019 ~ ~ Art: Breaking Down Walls by TamaraR-DeviantArt ~

<3

Eclipse…

Sometimes your darkness tries to eclipse my everything, and I worry that I might not survive you.

Like a sky full of ominous clouds that tries to consume the sun and block out every bit of shine, until there’s nothing but shadows left inside a moment that needs way more light if I’m going to ever find my way back to a place of peace.

Back to a place where my eyes can spot that ribbon of hope on the horizon as it points the way back home. Instead of me disappearing inside a blackness where the light can sometimes hide during a moment when I need it the most.

Sometimes your darkness tries to eclipse my everything, but the light that lives deep inside my heart always shows me the way back to me.

~ KA ~ April 15, 2017 ~ ~ Photograph By KA ~

Life is Like a Roller Coaster…

Life is like a roller coaster that seems never-ending from the time that you’re born, until you eventually reach the end of your journey. Refusing to stop or slow down as you attempt to navigate the many twists and turns along the way. Revealing both good and bad moments as you grow into who you’re meant to be. Continuing to pick up speed as you are carried forward on a journey that has no itinerary but at times, seems to be following some sort of set path.

A journey that is unavoidable and can only be lived by you moving forward as you learn from your past mistakes, as well as how to face both the good and the bad moments that you encounter until you have traveled every inch of your track. At times succeeding and at other times failing, while you try to keep an open heart and an open mind until you reach your final destination and barrel through that last dip and turn before coming to a complete stop. Where you see at long last where you’ve been traveling to all along, and you realize in that moment that you’ve been brought back full circle to where your journey first began.

~ KA ~ May 14, 2018 ~ ~ Painting by Christer Karlstad ~