honestly my dad is such a freak he never says goodnight like a normal person he just says “i’ll be back” and he goes upstairs and when you ask where he is or go looking for him hes asleep and the next morning when you see him he just says “good morning im back’ like what is wrong with him

Edit Paints

i was taking this families order and the dad needed a second to decide so i was chatting with his kids and i was like “oooh are you guys twins” and then a voice from under the table went “YOURE CLOSE MAAM” then A THIRD KID popped up and did some karate moves at me and the dad just looked so tired

so yeah i met identical triplets today

this is the only correct way to handle being an identical triplet

i think it’s so wholesome that whenever me or my friends have issues w our plants 🌱 .. i always send my mom a pic and she gives us a diagnosis and what to do

had another plant problem so i asked my mom..

Plant not gay

Gays are happy

Why does she talk like some sort of hermit shaman who lives in a mossy cave

moms just talk like that in texts sometimes

Disappear for some time, work on yourself, return unrecognizable.

date night

ambulance in my neighborhood: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

My dog: Oh shit! Oh shit it’s a bop

it burns…

Have you done it already? I truly hope so. //ma.c.a

half of my brain is evil and the other half is whipped cream

i am, as the poets say, a mess

i relate to this so frekin much oh my g o d