I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING
Horns
supercalifraglisticexistentialcrisis
Good Things that Happened in 2016
· We’re closer to having successful vaccines for lung and brain cancer.
· New chemotherapy breakthroughs have increased the 5-year survival for pancreatic cancer from 16% to 27% (and is getting better)
· Scientists figured out how to link robotic limbs with the part of the brain that deals with intent to move so people don’t have to think about how they will move the limb, it can just happen.
· Child mortality is down everywhere and it keeps going down.
· Thanks to the ice bucket challenge the gene responsible for ALS has been found, meaning we are closer to an effective treatment. Let me rephrase that: we are close to getting a treatment for a very bad disease because a lot of people (including really hot celebrities) got wet.
· A solar powered plan circumnavigated the world.
· Michael Jordan donates 2mil to try and help bridge connection between police and the community.
· Tiger numbers are growing.
· And manatees.
· And pandas.
· Pakistan has made strides toward outlawing honor killings.
· 70,000 Muslim clerics declared a fatwa against ISIS.
· Pokemon Go players went insane with placing lure modules near hospitals for sick kids.
· California is now powering over 6 million homes with solar power, a record in the US (and that is the tightest shit)
· Volunteers in India planted 50 million trees in 24 hours.
· Apparently world crime as a whole has drastically declined as a whole in the last couple of decades.
· Coffee consumption has been proved to help curtail cancer and suicide rates.
· Speaking of coffee Starbucks figured out how to donate perishable food in a food safe way.
· 500 elephants were relocated to a better, safer and bigger home.
· We made massive strides in Alzheimers’ prevention (my grandmother literally told me that scares her more than getting cancer this is very good news)
· The ozone layer is repairing itself and all the work we did to get rid of those aerosol chemicals was actually worth it.
· A new therapy developed in Israel could cure radiation sickness.
· The Anglican church resolved to solemnize same-sex unions the same as opposite-sex unions which required a super majority of all three orders of the church (lay, clergy, bishop).
· The Rabbinical Assembly issued a resolution affirming the rights of transgender and non-conforming individuals.
· Precision treatments for cancer are hitting clinical trials and WORKING (as someone who’s had relatives with cancer this is the best news)
· Dentists are once again providing free care to veterans who need it.
· The Orlando Shakespeare Festival showed up with angel wings to block funeral-goers for the Orlando Pulse victims, view from anti-gay protesters
· We may have cured MS
· Rise Women’s Legal Centre opened
· Death by heart disease has decreased by 70% in the United States
· Two brothers saw color for the first time thanks to specially-designed glasses
· Pope Francis spoke against society’s obsession with physical beauty while dedicating Mass to the disabled community (love that dude)
· Portugal ran its entire nation solely on renewable energy for four days straight
· A retiree is launching a project to transport 80 endangered rhinos to an Australian reservation to save the animals from poaching
· An Afghan teacher has been delivering books via bicycle to villages that lack schools
· Harriet Tubman is going to replace Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill.
· 200 strangers attended the funeral of a homeless WW2 veteran with no family
· A teen battling cancer married his sweetheart
· Bank firm pays for college tuition for the children of employees who died in the 9/11 attacks
· New medicine has been shown to increase melanoma survival rate to 40%
· Over 800 Boko Harem Hostages were rescued by Nigerian Army
· Toys R Us is Offering Quiet Shopping Hour for kids with autism this holiday season
· Volunteers made special tiny Halloween costumes for NICU babies
· A 4-year old befriends a lonely man and helped him heal after losing his wife
· Families grew
· People survived c ancer
· People overcame depression
· Any kind of victory, even if it affects only one person, is a victory
· Now for the pop culture good news
· LEONARDO DICAPRIO WON AN OSCAR! EVERYONE READING THIS LIVED LONG ENOUGH TO SEE LEO FINALLY GET WHAT HE DESERVED
· There’s a new Harry Potter book
· And a movie
· Harry Potter has no plans on vanishing with time
· This sweet father gave candy to passengers on a flight so his little girl could trick or treat on Halloween
· LET ME TALK ABOUT ALL THE KICK ASS MOVIES WE GOT THIS YEAR OH MY GOD
· Kung Fu Panda 3, this franchise is still going strong despite that its about a panda played by Jack Black
· Jungle Book. The amazing remake none of us saw coming
· Finding Dory. I haven’t seen it yet but I’ve heard good things
· Kubo and the Two Strings. Haven’t seen that yet as well but its Laika so I know it’s a masterpiece
· Deadpool. The beautiful and super accurate R-rated marvel film
· Captain America: Civil War. Seriously is the best marvel movie yet in my opinion I need more.
· Zootopia. Oh don’t mind me I’m just a movie that tackled the issue of racism and not only game changed animated films but also made a billion dollars
· The Hamilton Mixtape is coming out. Which is a bunch of artists singing songs from the musical (Sia, Usher, Regina Spketor, etc.) I’m excited.
· A personal victory for myself, I joined Tumblr and met angels in blog form so…that’s uplifting.
· And I met my favorite voice actor at a con which was a bucket list accomplishment.
Good Things that have yet to happen this year
· Birthdays
· Doctor Strange
· Thanksgiving
· Black Friday
· Moana
· Christmas
Good things that have nothing to do with the year but will hopefully make you feel better
· Puppies
· Chocolate
· Rainbows
· Rain (I like listening to rain it’s one of the most calming sounds)
· Cartoons
· Kissing
· Music
· Friends
· FF: If you are a religious person you are an imperfect masterpiece
· FF: If you are not then you are a splendid coincidence
· Any year spent with loved ones be they family or friends is a good year. Trust me.
· ”A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it’s the only weapon we have” –Roger Rabbit
#NeverForgetTheGood
*Plz feel free to add other good news (even if it’s something small like you ate cheesecake THAT is good news)
This is a gorgeous post, everyone should reblog it to see the balancing side to the whole bad things happening in the world!
Fun game:
Replace “Father” in Christian texts with “Daddy”
“Our Daddy who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name”
“forgive me, daddy, for i have sinned”
“But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Daddy, who is unseen. Then your Daddy, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. - Matthew 6:6“
Did I ever tell you guys that I’m personally barred from entering an entire region in Scotland
And it’s not just a small town.
I’m forever banned from stepping foot on what is virtually 1/5th of Scotland’s landmass.
For those of you wondering, it involved my disgruntled ancestor, the modern day equivalent of a 5 dollar refund, angry townspeople, and a ban on my entire bloodline until the end of time.
I really want to hear this story
If this gets to a hundred notes, I’ll give you more details.
Alright, gather around. So way way back in the 1700′s, my respectable relative decided that they wanted to go traveling. Their crops had come in on time, they weren’t dying of tuberculosis, and, for once, the English weren’t trying to kill them. So, naturally, they ventured South to a small village in the Hebrides for a nice ‘tropical’ vacation. Upon reaching said village, they came across an inn.
Now, the Scottish, being the wild party animals that they are, were having a dance that night. This dance must have looked like a lot of fun, because my relative in question decided to pay a modest fee of what would be 5 dollars in today’s world to get in. Everything was going great, until 10 minutes later, the inn decided to close for the night. My dude was NOT having it. They demanded a refund, but the innkeeper said no.
Shenanigans promptly ensued. They wanted their 5 dollars, and by God, THEY WOULD GET IT. Unfortunately, there was a no refund policy. I don’t know what was worse, the fact that they were robbed of 5 bucks, or that they were thrown so violently off their groove. I will never know what really happened next that night that was so bad, so awful, so absolutely mortifying that it warranted exile, but one can’t help but imagine. Was it murder? Heresy? A combination of both?
In the end, the townspeople chased them off, banished them, and cursed their very name. If they, or any of their children, or their children’s children’s children decided to step foot back on that island, there would be goddamn hell to pay.
If I could choose to travel back in time to any one place, it would be this very same event. I mean, I have questions. Did my ancestor kick ass and take names, or did they get their ass kicked? What else would they do for 5 dollars? Was wreaking havoc on a small town and forever shaming the family name worth it? Was it honestly worth the 5 fricking dollars?
If I were you I would try to go to that island and see if that ban is still even relevant
I AM SO SERIOUS WHEN I SAY THAT I WILL UNFOLLOW THE FUCK OUT OF YOU IF I SEE YOU REBLOGGING THAT PHOTO-SET OF THE COCKATOO COVERED IN CHOCOLATE
That is not funny
That is not cute
It is animal abuse
BIRDS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT CHOCOLATE
BIRDS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE COATED IN CHOCOLATE
Why the fuck do you think birds who get coated in oil die? It’s for the same goddamn reason.
You idiots can have all the chuckles you want over the fact that that poor animal is “living the dream” but I hope you also know that it probably died from that.
And if you still find it funny then I genuinely do not want to associate you and can only wish upon you the most painful and awful death imaginable.
I just want to point out that no one is forcing the bird into the chocolate
No one pulled the damn thing in
In fact it fully appears to be waddling into the fountain by its damn self
Calm the hell down chocolate is not the damn same as chocolate
Its just a bird making a mistake and it’s fucking funny
It’s not animal cruelty unless someone was holding that bird at gunpoint fucking christ
Oh good. I was waiting for some moron to try and defend this.
Listen here cum-slut, I bet you 5 million dollars that you don’t own a bird. But guess what? I own 7. And I can tell you right now that a bird would never just walk into something like a chocolate fountain. They’ll rarely walk directly into water.
But say that your idiotic theory is correct.
Say it did actually walk into it.
That animal still probably died.
Is that still funny to you? Do you still get your kicks out of knowing that that bird was probably terrified and opening its mouth to scream in that last panel?
And if you say yes then you seriously disgust me as a human being.
Guys those photos were fake, it was CGI, it was from that adam sandler movie jack an Jill
Jack and Jill was a documentary you fucking idiot
Listen here cum-slut
HERE IT IS FUCK
Tumblr history on my dash
She really for the people lol
Wtf lmao next level catfishin
Know your roses guys Or you just might fuck up the moment
and you dont want to do that ._.
salmon is for desire
what am I looking at
I can’t even remember how many times I’ve reblogged this anymore
Go off
this is the best
give this white boy a medal
IF A CREEP WANTS YOUR NUMBER
A series of fake numbers to leave behind.
1-888-447-5594 - Easter egg number for finishing God of War, contains a dramatic speech. Personal favorite.
605-475-6968 - Rejection hotline, politely explains that whoever gave you this number turned ya down, buddy
888-276-6760 - The 24-hour Klu Klux Klanline where you can get a FREE INFORMATION BOOKLET!!!!1!
866-740-4531 - Only responds with “I am Groot”
206-569-5829 - Seattle radio station “Loser Line”. If they leave a weird voicemail, it could get broadcast over the airwaves.
Stay safe, people.
Don’t forget about 515-808-2362, the number that rings and then plays the John Cena thing.
309-889-0497 plays the evangelation theme
Evangelation
There’s also 855-523-9386 which will respond to the caller with a robot beat boxing Korn’s “Freak on a Leash”.
Who knew so many weird almost useless phone numbers existed?
This is wonderful