jinvory reblogged
Gonna have to teach me how to love you again
❝ there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. ❞
for: @jistrum source: here status: not accepting.
She wanted to believe those words that she heard countless times. Hyesun would always pick out her weaknesses and never her strengths because she was so focused on improving herself. The attempt to not nitpick was a resolution for the year of 2017, but seeing how things were going, the challenge already became a failure. It was fascinating to see how our views of ourselves could be different from someone else. Sure, everyone had their own opinions and you’re not meant to be friends with everybody. However, there was a side of Hyesun that nobody ever saw and she was sure that everyone was like that as well. ‘Would they think the same if they knew that there was a side that was hard to like?’ these kinds of thoughts ran through her head over and over again countless times. “There are a few things that aren’t exactly perfect. I believe that there’s always room for improvement.” Hyesun nods as she talks, shrugging her shoulders. “Is it just me that thinks this way?”
❝ how long have you known? ❞
for: @ssuleh source: here status: not accepting.
She’s quite taken back at the question. Everyone was going to find out one way or the another but it technically wasn’t a secret. No one asked about it so she simply didn’t find a reason to say it. “I’ve known for quite a while actually...” Voice timid and her head nods along as she spoke. “Everything is the same since then, though. I didn’t notice anything about our friendship that changed. In fact, I think it opened a path for the both of us to get closer to each other.”
jinvory reblogged
Christine couldn’t help but laugh at how her friend was flustered over such a casual matter as finding someone attractive. It was quite normal for her so, in all honesty, she was confused about why she was trying to be so SUBTLE. “ OH! Him? My, my, Hyesun, you sure have interesting taste in men! ” Laughing still, she was talking to her friend while still snooping on the man walking down to the table behind them.
“He’s not that bad.” Life has been so busy for her, to the moments where she could enjoy little moments like these. There’s a shy smile plastered on the older’s face, pursing her lips together before she continues to speak. “ Isn’t he charming? He has that vibe where it reminds you of your first love.” Did that even make sense to the other? The older had no idea but she tried to explain it as best as she could.
jinvory reblogged
✘ @jinvory kindly liked/ reblogged this for a starter!
“No!” she exclaimed, folding her arms tightly across her chest, refusing to budge and give into the other’s idea. It was simply ridiculous and down right embarrassing and cringe inducing. As much as she loved the other, her quirky personality and ideas, this was taking it just a little bit too far for her liking. She also couldn’t comprehend why she specifically asked Nayoung to participate in this wacky new video idea. “I refuse to be in your Youtube video if you make me do that.”
Hyesun wasn’t surprised with the younger’s objection. It was a new idea she had in mind for months, but no one really stepped forward to take the initiative and bring this idea to life. “Well. it was worth a shot.” A shrug of her shoulders was a response to her reaction, running her slender fingers right through her hair. “How about- uh I have no ideas... should we just run some errands and vlog while we’re at it?” she suggests, unsure of what to do. “Unless you have something else you want to see on my channel. Any suggestions?”
jinvory reblogged
her ears were ringing even though it wasn’t quiet in the hospital. the bustling of nurses’ shows tapping against the cold, hard floor and wheels screeching with every turn that they made– it all hurt for hyejung to hear. as if she was allergic and she was unable to function unless it was just a bit quieter, but she couldn’t always have what she wanted. she moves her arm to grab the milk supplied to her, but even lifting a finger hurt. it was painful. it made hyejung want to cry. suck it up. something she’s always told herself– no matter how bad the situation is. she was suffocating, but it was a part of the human. to suffer, to live out and prosper. to be someone who’s suffered so much that people recognize how difficult it is to suffer and to endure all of that pain. maybe it was just her thoughts thinking in too deep. she didn’t want to suffer. no matter how much she thought that she deserved it– she really didn’t. there were people out there doing worse things. things like this– stabbing innocent people? for what? for being related to the monster called her father? it just didn’t feel right.. but no one was going to listen to her. she knew no matter how hard she fought–
did it have to do with her fights, perhaps? her brother always fought for money but it was illegal for them to do so. he’s leaded for her not to do it, but everyone always needed little bit of extra money– right? a sigh slips out as she continues to drown in her thoughts, her head was still throbbing so she shouldn’t even be thinking this hard. a small cough escapes and fuck it still hurt. every inhale, every exhale. what if she held it in? would she feel better?
hyejung wanted to turn her head but there was no need. she knew who’s voice that was– she almost cried tears of joy. no, maybe not joy. just tears of… tears for being saved. not saved– god. it was hard to explain it. she wasn’t happy that she was in this position. technically she wasn’t even “saved.” she was whacked into the situation and then thrown in a hospital as if she had been run over on accident. right. again with the accident. hyejung only shrugged her shoulders at the question. she remained silent as hyesun continued to talk. she’s blinking and winces at each word. to be someone that people are worried about– it just goes to show that even people like hyejung could have those kind of people around her. those people who aren’t half as bad and are willing to stick by the insensitive girl that she is. so to pay her back there’s a small smile of gratitude exchanged between the two. wasn’t much, but hyesun should have picked up the sincerity embedded along the lines of her lips. she shook her head, leaning back with her eyes closed. she wasn’t hungry.
“maybe later.”
The amount of gloominess, anger, and vengefulness she felt in that moment, overwhelmed her. It was always troubling facing these types of emotions. They were all too confrontational at the time and Hye was the type to brush everything aside and suppress as much as she could. But there was no time for hiding. No time for putting up a show in front of her best friend who was unwell. What hurt her the most was that she was standing there uselessly. Unable to do anything to somehow help the other or ease her pain. It made her heart shrivel into pieces. ‘she’s alive and that’s all that matters.’ Her brown eyes had their gaze locked on the younger, ‘it looks painful. she looks like she’s in pain. No shit, Hye.’ Hyesun mentally took notes, suddenly unable to speak coherently as they meet eyes. She wishes she could ease the pain. If there was a way they could share it so that she would feel less, Hyesun would do it in a heartbeat. She wishes that whoever did this to her, would get caught. Her body instantly remembers the tears she cried last night. The shock she received last night hit her again and her breathing suddenly gets shorter. Her bare lips curve up into a small smile, returning the gesture as a signal for 'you’re welcome.’ there wasn’t an exchange of words between the two females, just pure silence. The sight brought her to tears with the sense of sincerity instead of the sarcastic aura and smirk that followed right after. Tears build up in the corner of her eye and it doesn’t take long for them to finally stream down onto her smooth skin.
Hyesun rarely cried. And in the moments, she ever did, it would never be right in front of someone. She was uncomfortable with the idea of someone seeing her in tears when Hyesun had an image; a ray of sunshine. But this time, the Hyejung was an exception. She always was. Ironically, the last time she cried was in front of Hyejung also. She was the first friend that she ever cried in front of and it all began with a fall out between the two due to Hyesun misunderstanding. Maybe it was from all the built up emotions she’s been holding in for the night, and all the other things that have been worrying her. Or maybe it was the way her body ached from being unable to sleep comfortable due to the unusual sleeping conditions. She breaks the eye contact between the two, lifting her hand to wipe the tears on her face. “Sorry, I think an eyelash got into my eye. They sting.” She chuckles to laugh off her embarrassment, glancing over at the sofa before taking a seat. “It’s been a while since you’ve eaten.. are you sure you’re not hungry? If not, I could get you some water? oh- and are you comfortable like that? Do you want me to raise the bed a bit higher or ask for another blanket or pillow?” She wanted to help Hyejung in any way possible.
jinvory reblogged
“I meant in an over abundance. I don’t think anyone goes without worry.” Hanhae shrugged. He didn’t think anyone was that blessed. “I wouldn’t know what it feels like but I imagine babies and the elderly, while ignoring their impending doom, do experience worry free time.” He concluded. What she described sort of sounded like how his anxiety ate away at him most nights but he remained quiet on the matter. It wasn’t his business. “Ah do you bottle things up or just ignore them?” Hanhae questioned. He really wished he could sometimes (most of the time) ignore the things that bothered him. “How do you forget to look after yourself? Is it in a mental health way? Sometimes I forget to shower.” Hanhae wondered if this qualified as over sharing or trying to relate to someone. Either way he was bad at it. “It’s alright to be weird, could be worse. I mean I think. I wonder if being average is like wearing polos and hoping for the best.”
“Honestly, it’s a mixture of both.” There’s a short pause right after her words, head tilting to think about it briefly. Hyesun was an over thinker. It wasn’t a great mixture with her introverted traits, she found it uncomfortable to confide in someone after she made the mistake of going to someone who took advantage of that; she never really went to anyone for such thoughts. “ I bottle things up since I don’t want to burden anyone. Nor do I want to let someone see right through me. Whenever I do open up to someone, I feel naked. It’s embarrassing. I have no idea why I think this way. I try to suppress any negative emotion I feel which always ends up badly. I end up exploding, feeling all these emotions and thoughts at the same time.” Her nose crinkles up, scratching at the back of her neck with a sigh of relief. “ When the situation is flipped and someone comes to me for comfort, I’m totally fine with it. I think I just put others before me because I don’t want to face my own worries or thoughts.”
Midterm season has finally passed by and I feel pretty confident this time around! Replies will be done this weekend! I also noticed that I all my done replies are stuck in my drafts.. I thought I set them up in queue but errr. Will be brushing up on those drafts to spot any errors. Hope everyone has a splendid weekend! ♡
jinvory reblogged
jinvory :')
“i fuckin’ hate hyesun. first she stole my name, then she steals my looks? all those dislikes on her youtube videos?” hyejung smirks, rubbing her hands together. “me. all me. m’the victim. i know i could be turned in for cyberbullyin’- but she wouldn’t do that. ‘cos truth is, i don’t dislike her videos. i jus’ make sure she knows i’m there. say… when she was at what..one hundred subscribers? honestly, i don’t keep track. she did this halloween typa shit inspired by whoever. i had t’comment that i was hungry ‘cos she was in the other room when she uploaded it. i could hear her groan from countries away.” hyejung chuckles, tapping her foot while her hands were placed on top of her waist. “hyesun is an annoyin’ ball of sunshine. she’s the suffocatin’ rays that peek through your curtain, urgin’ you t’get up an’ get started with your day. she’s that bitter taste in your coffee at the bottom of the mug that helps ya stay awake durin’ your schedules. she’s the taste of alcohol without a chaser. i hate her so fuckin’ much.” hyejung chuckles yet again, placing her right hand on top of her head. “this one time, she hosed me down when i specifically told her not to. an’ i wasn’t wearin’– anyways. scratch that. she’s alright. maybe i don’t hate her so much.” hyejung shrugs her shoulders. “she tries t’be a bad bitch but she ain’t. see! she even tried t’copy how i am. isn’t that called plagiarizin’? shit.”
being passionate is so good man it gives your life some kinda purpose who cares if it’s for a tv show or a book or movie or literally whatever being passionate is great don’t let anyone make you feel bad about your passions!!!
❝ shattered dreams can drive anyone mad. ❞
“I think it just hurts their pride. “ Memories from high school days are in mind.shoulders shrugging. “ I once wanted to become a psychologist. My parents were rooting for me a ton because they found the occupation more prestigious compared to what i’m doing now. But I think they’ve expressed their content now, since things worked out for me. Surprisingly.”
“just don’t fuck it up.”
for: @araoussource: here status: not accepting.
“Pft, I’ve cooked this many times before!” Hyesun says from across the kitchen, keeping a close eye on the thin pork belly that was cooking on the griddle. Kimbap was an easy dish since there wasn’t much to do anyway. It was literally just cutting whatever you wanted in it, rolling it all together, and cutting it up into sushi. “ Do you want it a little spicy? Or is garlic fine with you?
jinvory reblogged
(sms) no, dumbass. (sms) i’m just annoyed that you think this way when you damn well know that people love ya. (sms) stop being a crybaby before i drop your stupid self down a well.
[ SMS: BRAT ♡ ]
→ pft. → hye, i’m not always going to that /peppy/ girl that everyone loves → i’m allowed to feel these negative emotions !!!! → been #waiting. lmk when you’re outside 👌🏻
jinvory reblogged
I’ve wasted so much time on people who didn’t give a shit about me.
Unknown
“have you lost your mind?”
Hye can hear the disappointment lingering in the other’s words, and the only thing she can respond to that is a cold sigh. She was just as disappointed in herself. Things were never supposed to turn out this way and even if she were to run out of ideas like how she was, Hyesun despised putting out half-assed content. “It’s just a small break from youtube. It’s not like I'm quitting forever.” It was finally time to buckle down since she was heading towards her last two years of college and there was a plan to move apartments at one point. It just seemed necessary.
what you said was very sweet and means a lot to me but i am incapable of properly responding in any way besides “thank you so much aaaah” because i do not know how to accurately express the exact level of my gratitude to where you completely understand how much what you said meant to me without me getting even more emotional and looking like a fucking nerd: an autobiography