She Ain't There

Yellowstone National Park by David Wessels

Get this bastard in the particle accelerator. We need their skills and it'll be enrichment

It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied "i don't know i've never heard these words in that order" and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn't even that funny

at my old job i had a coworker who was tired and made a coffee with like 6 or 8 shots of espresso and i just casually went up to them like “are you trying to meet god?” and not only was this absolutely hilarious to them but they brought it up in future conversations they thought it was so funny but to me this was just as casual as saying “woah that’s a lot of coffee”

Being funny on Tumblr and then going to be funny in real life is like traveling to a foreign country and baby the currency exchange rate is biased in your favor

posting the spotted hyena vision diagram again

real

the idealized version of my tomorrow self will fix this

not again

why should i care about taylor swift when the killer remains at large

#girl… put 2 and 2 together

this is my grasp of how football works: two teams of men want the ball very badly but are incapable of sharing it. one team attempts to deliver the ball to their holy ground while the other attempts to prevent this. occasionally an evil man will appear and speak curses to the men, causing them grief and dishonor

people with siblings love saying shit like "you never played first degree murder knife chase?"

jazz-induced psychosis

psychosis-induced jazz

imagine believing in the power of music to heal but the way your music heals specifically is enraging people back into their faculties

alone

The Ogden Standard, Utah, March 1, 1920

whenever i'm trying to talk myself out of buying something i don't need i always hear my old russian professor's voice echoing in my head: "WHAT??? WILL YOU DIE THE RICHEST MAN IN THE GRAVEYARD?" and then i make an unwise financial decision

Im a serendipitist. I believe god exists, but he made creation on accident.

I'm a logarithmic creationist. The world is only 6000 years old, but time slows down the earlier you get. That first decade took 10 billion years.

Im an urbanist shaman. Nature spirits are suicidal. They want to become roads and strip malls.

I don't have a name for this one, but I think sin exists because Eve ate Lilith.

Im a transchronological cosmologist. The universe didn't have a beginning it just keeps going the further back you look.

Im a para-islamist evangelical. I believe Muslims should proslytize but ONLY to jinn.

I'm a Vajrayana truther. I believe that Theravada and Mahayana Buddhism don't actually exist.