HAIL HYDRA!

this is an england hate blog

HOW IS THIS EVEN REAL? WHAT DID MY COUNTRY EVER DO TO ANYONE?!

oh sorry sweetie, i didn’t realise you still lived in the 1800s…🙄🙄

I’ve been thinking about this for days. The 1800s??? The 1800s????

The 1800s ???????????????!

December 17th

the height of men’s fashion was whatever the hell was going on with pants and collared shirts in the 70s

we’re never going to beat this so can we please just stop trying

Some highlights from Shrek Retold, a weird and wonderful full length fan film made by over 200 contributors, that that recreates the entire first Shrek movie scene by scene using each contributors own unique style for the section they created.

i looked this guy up to check if this was real and almost every single video on youtube that has audio of his music is blocked in the USA and doesn’t even show up unless you see them in playlists

For those that want to listen to it, it’s even better than you’re imagining.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1H2mSa41a0J

what the fuck is going on. surely this is by someone else this can’t actually be a real song. “i am the big weird man” doesn’t even turn up any results on Google so either you made this song on the spot or it’s a 100% real thing by the big bopper himself

“But there are always more skeletons”

@skeletonawareness considers these to be the six most ominous words in the english language O.O

I am the very best at marketing. Amazon Goodreads

im honestly gonna get it. you had me at “made a homophobe so angry” 

This actually happened! I’ve always felt that if you buy a book where the stated summary is “two princesses attempt to fight dragons and get married” you don’t really have a right to be mad when the book turns out to be about two princesses attempting to fight dragons and get married but what the hell do I know.

To be fair, maybe the reader expected the princesses to marry the dragons?

Please tell me there’s a sequel where that happens.

BUT ONLY IF THE DRAGONS ARE ALSO LADIES.

Actually, the main complaint was that it was “historically inaccurate” for two princesses to be allowed to get married. Which was weird to me, since this story is not set on earth and I’m pretty sure it is historically accurate for gay couples to be allowed to get married on this super convenient wish-fulfillment fantasy world that I concocted after logging 300 hours in Skyrim. Curiously enough, she didn’t complain about the dragons being inaccurate.

I am so mad right now omg! I saw this book a while back…on a blog? In a tweet? I can’t remember. But they didn’t really describe the plot! At all! 

They made it sound very stereotypical, hetero prince/princess relationship, with a bit of female friendship as maybe a side plot. There wasn’t even a mention of dragons! Ugh.

Anyway. I need this book six months ago, and I’m getting it ASAP.

WHAT.

WHAT.

ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME.

THIS BOOK IS GAY. IT’S AGGRESSIVELY GAY. THE PRINCE IS DEAD BEFORE THE STORY EVEN STARTS. I CALL HIM PRINCE NOT-APPEARING-IN-THIS-BOOK.

WHO WROTE THIS HETERONORMATIVE SLANDER ABOUT MY CHILD I WILL DRIVE TO THEIR HOUSE AND CUT UP THEIR SHRUBBERY.

STEAL THEIR GARDEN GNOMES AND THREATEN NOT TO RETURN THEM UNTIL THEY RETRACT THEIR GROSS HETERO SLANDER

Cuttlefish pretending to be a hermit crab

@mmmskulljuice

look they were both being crabs thinking the other was a crab!!

“am crab.” “am also crab–wait a minute” “…YOOOOOOOOOOO” “YOOOOOOOOOOOO”

*epidemic of porn bots breaks out due to tumblr’s own negligence*

tumblr staff:  We will fix it (:

Japan has Pokemon Gashapon machines that dispense miniature gashapon machines with tiny prizes

So.

Hey, do you know that feeling of hitching up a long skirt so you don’t fall on your face when walking upstairs, and then you immediately become a wretched yet resolute Jane Austen character? It’s a universal thing, right?

It’s like resting a laundry basket against your hip and suddenly you’re a long-suffering peasant woman, wondering if you’ll survive the winter.

a shawl wrapped around the shoulders and you’re wandering the moors in a Brönte novel, feeling melancholic

Looking out the window at the rain and you’re a love-stricken newlywed wondering when your husband will return from the war.

Long skirt billowing behind you while to go down the stairs, you’re a proper Lady in a flowing ball gown being introduced at a fancy social function.

Hair blowing in the wind and suddenly you’re hovering on a cliff by the sea, staring out into the waves and praying your merchant husband will return from his voyage across the ocean

Hood up against the rain and wind and you’re a medieval abbess defying the weather and travelling on foot with your people to find a place to establish a new community.

Wiping your hands on your apron and you’re an 18th century kitchen girl rushing to let in the delivery boy you secretly love.

The cool fall wind catches your skirt, sends leaves swirling around your feet, and catches your hair and sends it flying behind you, and suddenly you’re a enchantress roaming the woods, daring any man to challenge your power.

Congratulations!