*young republican voice* i don’t see why my rich, rich, rich rich rich, rich rich rich rich, so fucking rich, father should have to pay for poorer boys school lunches. he could spend that money on a racism machine

Racism machine… You mean a brain?

this is what the right deems as a comeback

Has a self-burn ever been so devastating?

op: right wing people are mean and racist right-winger, attempting a comeback: Oh yeah? Well, I’m racist

I don’t trust reddit because it’s the only social network whose users don’t hate the website they’re using. twitter users hate twitter. snapchat users hate snapchat. but reddit users will get a neck tattoo of the goofy little alien friend and name their first born son r/gaming

why They call it house when it takes place in a hospital. thanks for following me

oh yeah my primary social media app is the one that got banned from multiple app stores for having child porn on it. the bone incident? sorry, you’ll have to be more specific, i’m aware of at least three instances of people posting about handling human remains.

Tumblr Staff right now:

Black Mirror season 5 (2018)

is this a whole foods review

i fucking love this so muchn 

 hey man i really love your blog and since we’re mutuals, I was hoping you would do something for me? I’d be so honored if you could send me a snapchat of you pissing or if you could record the sound it makes when you piss? i really get off on that shit and it’d mean a lot coming from you, especially if you could make it loud as possible.

this is so funny

(for context)

Yeah, if I was an Uber driver, I sure as shit wouldn’t be picking up any demons of Slaanesh and letting them into my vehicle.

I’m confident that if I let them in my car, by the time I dropped them off I would have either a slit throat or psychic abilities (maybe both)

the dude in the last pic is literally calling the police

Ik this is a shitpoat but I literally saw this happen at a Burger King

Hm? Huh ?

there was this really cute woman at a con dressed like toriel once and i told her she was a milf and shes like “i have an open relationship i can show you how much of a milf i can be” and i almost did it but her kids my age and how fucking awkward would it have been to go to the homestuck photo shoot the next day and look someone in the eye knowing i fucked their mom

this is the worst post on this website

why would you have a problem looking someone in the eye knowing you fucked their mom, thats empowering, thats high T as fuck. 

you thought she was hot, she was dressed as a fantasy charector, and she looked you in the eye and told you she wanted to have sex with you, and you made up a reason not to do it. this fucking generation eats too much gmo soy, holy fucking shit, we’re gonna have to make replicants to save the human race at this point, jesus fucking christ. whats next “i felt uncomfortable fucking her becuase she had a dog and i didn’t want to make her dog feel bad becuase having a dog is like having a kid and i wouldn’t want to fuck someones mom thats mean” like just admit it, you pussed out, you were scared for some god damned reason, you probably jack off too much and eat too much fucking junk food and were afraid you wouldn’t be able to stay hard. 

NOW this is the best post on this website

list of heroes

the woman who dated 40+ guys, got them to buy her iphones, and then sold them to buy a house

the woman who traded one singular rick and morty sauce for a car

don’t forget the woman who charged a bunch of dudes money to attend an orgy but never promised any women would be there so they all just showed up to find nothing but men

The girl on Tinder whose profile said “send me $5 and see what happens” and after they sent her money she blocked them

the girl who pretended to be a republican and got old white conservatives to fund her tuition

a list of fake tumblr stories i can sort of remember:

AND MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE

Its actually illegal to post this and leave out Oppa Homeless Style