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my old ass blog

@a-plague-on-both-your-houses

pls don’t look at my shit from 2015
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reblogged
possitivitywithapurpose
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bentsahra

This is gonna sound fucked up but i love tight grapes. You know what I mean when the grape is nice and tight and ur incisors pierce thru them like needles popping a balloon

surface tension is literally the most important quality of a grape end of discussion

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jacobhpb

god thank you for giving us a better term for when the grapes arent soggy and shit, instead of saying fucking “tight grapes”

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reblogged
mridia
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kaijuno

Bungee jumping but instead of a bungee cord it’s anal beads and you have to clench to stop yourself

op can i ask u a question

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kaijuno

I will not be taking any questions at this time

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reblogged
murdochbyrnes
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filmnoirsbian

Happy pride month here’s a list of my finest moments as yr friendly neighborhood lesbian flight attendant

  • When a guy at the hotel bar whom i thought was being nice and genuinely wanted to talk abt superheroes suggestively asked what my room number was and i, in shock, replied “gay”
  • When a man on the plane grabbed my necklace (a musketball, roughly the circumference of a quarter) and loudly asked “is that a ball gag?” And i, in shock, replied “no im gay”
  • When a ramper gave his number to the gate agent and told her to give it to me and i said “oh no tell him im gay” and she laughed and said “yea i get that” and i said “no i really am gay” bc heaven forbid she think im straight lol and she said “yea me too”
  • When a 12yo boy confessed to me that he was nervous abt coming out to his dad as trans so i had a 2 hr long conversation w him and gave him 20 bags of pretzels
  • When a butch lesbian asked if i was local and i said “no im just here for the night” and she said “oh, what kind of a night do you want it to be? 😘”
  • When i told the other FA (straight woman, 40s) i was gay and she immediately launched into an emotional story about the sapphic love affair she had at an away camp when she was 18
  • When my captain told me he was in a ldr and i said “oh me too” and he said “yeah, my partner’s a man tho” and i said “oh mine’s a woman” and he had a look of surprised gay elation
  • When the whole crew went out for drinks and realized all but one of us were lgbt and we all turned to the (straight) captain and he looked like this: 😬
  • When a butch ramp agent found out i was gay and gave me her number and i said “oh im taken” and she said “that’s fine i just need more gay friends”
  • When i came out to my (straight) captain and he said “but……you don’t wear pants…”
  • When i (drunk) and my first officer (drunk) started gushing abt how much we love our girlfriends and our captain (not drunk) said “you two should have a double wedding” so we spent the rest of the night planning one and made a joint wedding registry on amazon
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