Secret Santa (5/5)
Who: Bucky Barnes x Y/n; Steve Rogers x Y/n. Marvel friends.
Summary: Bucky has trouble expressing himself until Y/ns moved on. . .I’ve been listening to Harry Style Fine Lines album. Kinda drew inspiration from Cherry, Falling, and Adore you.
Warnings: Cursing, drinking, some sexual stuff. Cheating. I rewrote this ending 3 times 🙃
“I just need you to listen.” I barge into his apartment. “Last night was a mistake.” I can tell he wants to ask but I don’t let him. My hands move up to his chest grabbing his shirt pulling him to me allowing our lips to connect. He opens his mouth letting our tongues reunite. It hasn’t even been 24 hours but I’ve missed his touch and the way my body reacts to it. His fingers slide to the nape of my neck. We only separate to undress. I throw my arms around his neck. His arms feel my back before lifting me to settle around his waist. “It was never a choice, I’m in love with you.”
***FLASHBACK: STEVES POV***
“Standing with Nat and Gwen. Red dress, Y/h/c hair.”
“She’s a cool girl. Want me to introduce you?” I don’t acknowledge Tony, too caught up in watching Y/n laugh.
“Think you could introduce me?”
Walking over, I’m not at all nerves. She doesn’t know it yet but she’s going to be my wife one day.
“Hey Tony! Thank you for inviting us out.” Her voice is sweet and that smile. She has me smiling like an idiot already.
“You’re always welcome here sweetheart. This is Steve Rogers.”
“Nice to meet you Steve.” She gives me a polite nod holding out her hand. It’s seems to fit perfectly in mine. When Tony clears his throat I realize I’ve held on too long.
“Sorry. It’s nice to meet you Y/n.”
“You too Steve. Well, I’m in need of another drink.” Tony looks over at me nodding in Y/Ns direction.
“Oh uh I’m empty too. Mind if I walk with you?”
“Um,” her eyes dart to her friends who all but tell her she’s on her own. “Sure.”
“So how do you know Tony?” I ask making light conversation while filling her cup with more ice.
“Nat. She works with him. You?”
“Old family friends. Here you go.”
“Thank you. Well, I should be-“ before she can dismiss herself, i interrupt.
“Would you like to take a walk with me?” Biting her lip, I can tell she is trying to make a decision. Damn, she is really cute.
“Why not.” She shrugs and I’ll take it.
“After you.” I do a mental happy dance in my mind and a little shake while she’s a few steps in front of me.
“Why are you smiling like that?” She asks when i’m back at her side.
“Like what?” I know exactly what.
“I don’t know.” She smiles back at me. “You’ve just had this smile since Tony introduced us.”
“Just what you do to me I guess.”
“Wow! What a line.” She rolls her eyes but she still has a smile.
“Nope, I’m not smooth enough to use lines.”
“Or is that exactly what someone who is smooth would say?”
“I don’t know, guess you have to date me to find out.” I can listen to that laugh forever even if she is laughing at me.
“You want to date me? You don’t even know me.”
“Oh I’m not just going to date you.”
“I’m going to marry you.”
“Yea why date someone you don’t know when you can marry them instead? That seems much less crazy.” My smirk is plain as day.
“Though I love the enthusiasm you’re giving me, we won’t be getting married for at least another year maybe two.”
“That all? Why the long wait?”
“Right? Well it’s mainly because of you.”
“Yea. You’re gonna give me a hard time.”
“You’ll come around but to start you’ll do things like pretend you don’t find me absolutely charming.” On cue she rolls her eyes at me “Just like that. Then you’ll try to deter me from getting serious with you, but nothing you say changes my mind.”
“Really?” Her eyebrow lifts and she nods her head as if to accept my challenge.
“Ok. Umm I snore really loud, like really really loud.”
“Coincidentally, I just bought noise canceling headphones.”
“I’m unemployed and don’t ever plan on looking for work.”
“I have a really good job. Like a really, really good job.”
“I love kids. I’ve actually been compared to one by a few different exes.”
“I can never have sex again.”
“I’d need more information on that one but I’m really good non sexual company. In fact, some may even argue it’s better than my sexual company.” She shakes her head again giving me that laugh.
“Ok well, I’m crazy in love with you.”
“Good, I thought it was just me feeling it.”
“I would never joke about us Y/n.”
“Look, Steve, you seem like a really great guy, honestly my cheeks hurt from smiling so much but I just got out of a bad relationship and I don’t know what I’m doing. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”
“I appreciate your honesty. I think that’s really important in a relationship.”
“I do too actually but this isn’t a relationship.”
“Not yet, but we’re laying the ground work.”
“I don’t mind sticking around as a friend for now. Like I said I’m really good company.”
“We might never be anything more than friends.” She points to me then herself “This could never happen.”
“Or we might happen tomorrow. Something tells me you’re worth the wait doll.” The look in her eyes is of contemplation.
“Can I,” I guess the decision was to kiss me. When she pulls away i grab her arm bringing her back to me. Her eyes are closed and she swallows hard when we stop. “That was, ok. Could use some work.” She shrugs continuing her stride. “But like I said there is a good chance that will never happen again.”
“Still interested?” She throws me a smirk.
“You’re not getting rid of me doll.”
It’s 9:57p.m. I can’t stand to be alone in this apartment with my thoughts. Plus, being here just reminds me that Steve isn’t and my eyes start to tear. I have to bite my lip to keep it from trembling. Deep breaths. Fuck it. I have to get out of here. I just start walking with nowhere in mind. The good thing about New York is it’s always awake. After an hour or so I find myself knocking on Bucky’s door.
“Uh hi, hey um sorry. Can I ?”
“Yea, yea come in.” It’s nice. Black metal and dark wood, a lot like the loft. “Can I get you anything?”
“Whisky, I can do that.” My eyes catch a shelf with photos and random items. As i get closer I realize they aren’t so random. Most are things I bought for him like a signed baseball, a bare metal miniature replica of his vintage motorcycle, and an empty can of Stillhouse whisky we drank together the first night we met. The photos are mostly of us with friends but one causes a hitch in my throat. A black and white photo of him and I. My head rests on his shoulder and my arms wrap around his waist. His lips are kissing my forehead while one hand gently holds my neck and the other rests at my hip. I don’t even remember taking that photo.
“Here you go. Not that I mind the company but why are you here?”
“I uh couldn’t sleep, needed to get out of my head for a bit. What’s this?” He pretends to not know which one I’m talking about.
“Oh that one? It was at Sams birthday.”
“I don’t remember taking it.”
“Do you remember what happened?”
“I remember lots of vodka.” He smiles at the ground.
“Yea and I made the mistake of talking to you.” He rubs the back of his neck.
“We don’t have to take that walk down memory lane.”
I’d laugh if remembering that wasn’t so sad. I wanted to forgive him. I started yelling at him when he tried to walk away. I followed him, stepping in his path. I started to push him and say not so nice things to him till he caught my wrists. We stared at each other for only a moment before he pulled me flush to his body and we kissed. I remember staring into his sorrowful blue eyes just before, i wanted to say it’s ok i still love you, I forgive you, but he had never even apologized.
“Wanda said Pietro just took a bunch of pictures that day, asked if I wanted it. The only ones of just us two were on your Instagram and you blocked me super quick after we, uh anyways i liked it.” He shrugs.
“I kinda like it too. Instagram was Nats doing.”
“That makes sense, she was never my biggest fan.”
“Can you blame her?” My tone is harsher than I meant it to be.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t come here to make you feel bad.”
“It’s fine really.” He takes a seat on the arm of his couch while I stay standing. “Why did you really come here though?”
“Well um, Steve, kinda broke up with me?”
“Really? And I was your first stop?” He smirks.
“He said i need to figure my stuff out with you. I guess you two talked?”
“We did. I didn’t tell him anything you don’t already know though.” He sets his glass down walking over to me, then brushes my cheek with his knuckle pushing my hair back. “I love you Y/n and I want to be with you. You being here must mean the same thing right?” He leans in, his lips centimeters from mine but I shift my head back slightly.
“What does that mean, you want to be with me?” I step away leaving him to hang his head. “You want to casually start dating again? Or are we boyfriend and girlfriend?”
“Do you want to move back into the loft? Was you giving me the ring a proposal? Are we getting married?” Setting my glass down i cross my arms and reface him “What do you mean Bucky?”
“I don’t know, I didn’t really think about it.”
“So you decided to tell me you loved me after not seeing one another for almost a year, knowing full well I’m in a relationship and you didn’t have any follow through?”
“I mean I figured if you did give me another shot, we would just figure it out, together.”
“Ok let’s figure it out then. I think we should get married.”
“What?” His eyes widen like a deer in the headlights.
“You love me right? We already have a place together and an engagement ring, lets just get married. Nothing crazy just us Sam, Wanda.”
“Are you serious?” Color seems to be draining from his face.
“We’ve been apart so long why wait any longer? How about New Years? Start 2021 off right.”
“Next week? Y/n maybe we should slow down a second.” Taking a seat back on the couch he finishes his drink in one gulp.
“Why? We were together for five years Bucky. You either know I’m the one for you or you don’t.”
“I-I’m sorry.” I laugh rolling my eyes, picking my glass back up and taking a small sip.
“You haven’t changed Bucky, you’re still a selfish and arrogant son of a bitch.”
“Just because I don’t have it all planned out or I’m not ready to walk down the fucking aisle in a week like a psycho, doesn’t mean I haven’t changed.”
“You’re so full of shit! You saw me moving on, you saw me happy and you hated it.”
“If that’s how you really feel then what are you doing here? Huh? I’m such a son of a bitch, why are you here Y/n?!”
“Because you ruined me!” He moves back a bit obviously surprised by my outburst. “I don’t know how to just let myself be happy anymore.” I try to move my face in ways that’ll stall my crying but it’s no use. “I had an incredible boyfriend who loves me. Who would walk down the aisle next week. But I’m so terrified to be that vulnerable again because the last time I was you hurt me and I don’t think I could survive Steve breaking my heart. G-d!” I lean my head back wiping my tears. More embarrassed now than anything else. “That’s why I’m here.”
“Y/n, I’m sor-“ I know he’s trying to comfort me but it’s not what I want from him.
“Don’t Bucky, please. Just tell me, why did you cheat on me?” I’ve wondered since the day I caught him. It’s a cliché to say it but i always blamed myself. “What did I do?”
“You didn’t do anything.” He lifts my chin to face him “You were amazing. I fucked up, I’m fucked up, I- I take people for granted.” His thumb swipes under my eyes wiping stray tears “You loved me so much even with everything i put you through, you really loved me and i took advantage of it. It didn’t matter that you were the best thing to ever happen to me, i just I couldn’t be that vulnerable.”
“You’re not fucked up Bucky. You’ve done fucked up things but you’re a good man, it just took you awhile to get there”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t this guy when we met.”
“Me too.” I manage a sad smile.
“I don’t know if this means anything coming from me but Steve is a good guy as much as I hate to admit it. He cares about your happiness more than his own, he would never hurt you.”
“Thank you Bucky. And that does mean something.”
“I know it’ll take awhile to get there but I would still like to make things right between us Y/n even if it’s just as a friend, i still want you in my life.”
“I should probably go.” He nods his head.
My cold hand is warmed by the heat in his cheeks. I place a peck to his lips taking his bottom between both of mine. My arms wrap around his neck his around my waist pulling me into him. It’s a final goodbye kiss. Our foreheads rest together while we savor the moment.
I probably won’t ever love anyone as selflessly as I did Bucky buy I think thats ok. Steve adds to my happiness, I don’t rely on him for it. That’s how I know he’s the one.
I’m curled up under his arm just where i belong.
“Not that I’m not enjoying this moment but what did you mean last night was a mistake?”
“I shouldn’t have let you leave.” I shift to look up at him. “I didn’t need time to work anything out with Bucky, I already knew exactly what i wanted.”
“We said everything we needed to. He made it clear that though he loves me he really just wants me to be happy even it’s not with him.”
“He said that?” His brows furrow in disbelief.
“Yea, i was just as surprised.”
“No, I’m not surprised. He’s a good guy.”
“Are you only saying that because I’m with you?”
“Maybe?” There’s that smile.
“Thank you for waiting for me.”
“You never have to thank me doll.”
“Steve, can I have my ring back?”
“On one condition, it’s not just a promise.”
He rolls over hovering on top of me “I love you Y/n.”
