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Hurt me and tell me you're mine

@towriteloveontheirarms

Alex | they/them | 20s | minors dni | I cross post on Ao3 | collecting comfort characters that have never known a day of comfort in their life
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Hey, besties! My name is Alex, I´m 25 years old and use they/ them pronouns.

I´m from Germany and I´d love to get to know you and hear all your thoughts, ideas and comments. So feel free to drop something in the ask box.

I write fluff, smut, kinky content, Angst and dark themes.

As stated in the blogs description this is an 18+ blog! If you send in requests or interact with this blog in any capacity I will assume you are 18 or older!

Requests are open!

(If you want to be tagged for any specific character/series/fandom or in general let me know in my asks, comments or DMs)

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fridaypls

Grove Guardian's Revenge: A Gif Analysis

Pissing him off so you don't have to.

Oh my god I want to marry this analysis. Well done.

The devnotes also add more to what you pointed out. For the first lines, "cold fury. He's already wept for the Grove- now he's here for retribution." And then, for the "there's nothing more to be said" option, "his mind is made up. It already was before he arrived here."

Also, for the option that doesn't seem to have made it into full release (where you haven't met Halsin yet, and when he shows up you have the option to say "wait who in the hells are you?") In that option, once you ask that, he growls, "I am Halsin. First Druid of the Emerald Grove. And I am here to visit nature's fury upon you!" The devnote for that one adds, "'I'm the one who's going to kill you.'" So yeah, spot on analysis here.

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Rhaenyra’s genuinely an unlikable character when you really get to the root of it. Not because she’s coddled, arrogant and entitled, but because aside from that she’s so…boring. She has no unique traits or qualities that make her really stand out, we don’t really know her true motives or intentions behind anything outside of just being short sited and mistakenly believing her position as heir will be enough to shield her from consequences and her complacency fueled by arrogance.

Plus we don’t really know the reasons behind wanting to rule outside of “i will be queen because daddy says so”. Why does she want to be queen? What kind of ruler does she intend to be? What legacy did she wish to leave behind? Entitlement aside, without these things being made clear, it’s impossible to really root for her when you don’t know what they intend to do or stand for as a ruler.

Part of the problem is that we’re often told that she would complain about her duties but we are never shown her actually doing so or told why she does it either, which is a major issue with hotd as a whole. Too much telling but not enough showing to add context to situations, especially when the context was present in the source material.

In comparison, we are shown glimpses of what lead to alicent being how she was in later years which made me gravitate to her more though i have some grievances with her character, i don’t find her boring because we at least have some understanding of her character. Meanwhile rhaenyra just gives the impression of “I’m technically the protagonist so you’re supposed to like me” which…is honestly not something i can blame on her as a character entirely but on bad writing.

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The Curious Case of Criston Cole

Something that's missing from these discussions about the perception and reaction of Criston Cole as he is characterized in House of the Dragon, is how there's evidence within the source material of Fire & Blood that could've offered a better perspective for why Criston reacted as negatively as he did regarding his involvement with Rhaenyra.

There is an in-universe incident which saw both Jaehaerys and Alysanne discharge one of their kingsguard for not only having sex, but wedding and siring children from 3 different wives! Once the secret was revealed to everyone including the wives and children who weren't made aware of this until it was too late, this man was not only fired and stripped of any prestige he had, but castrated by his former kingsguard members and sent to the Wall. He may not have been executed, but violating his oath had severe repercussions not only for himself but for the women who were involved with him and even their children.

Fire & Blood, pg. 300

Jaehaerys left it to his queen to deal with the three families. Alysanne decreed that Lucamore's sons might join their father on the Wall, if they wished. The two oldest boys chose to do so. The girls would be accepted as novices by the Faith, if that was their desire. Only one elected that path. The other children were to remain with their mothers. The first of the wives, with her children, was given over to the charge of Lucamore's brother, Bywin, who had been raised to be the Lord of Harrenhal not half a year earlier. The second wife and her offspring would go to Driftmark, to be fostered by Daemon Velaryon, Lord of the Tides. The third wife, whose children were the youngest (one still on her breast), would be sent down to Storm's End, where Garon Baratheon and young Lord Boremund would see to their upbringing. None were ever again to call themselves Strong, the queen decreed; from this day they would bear the bastard names Rivers, Waters, and Storm. "For that gift, you may thank your father, that hollow knight."

Oaths aren't just meaningless in Westeros. Look at how often Jaime Lannister is scorned for being a kingslayer, despite the dramatic irony of readers knowing why he broke his oaths in the first place. Jaehaerys had already denied the service of kingsguard who broke theirs to turn against Maegor, stating that he didn't want men who couldn't keep their oaths because he felt they were untrustworthy. So, who was this infamous kingsguard anyway? Lucamore Strong.

Yes, Strong.

A member of the kingsguard from House Strong broke his oaths and secretly fathered children across 3 wives. The scandal led to him being derided as "Lucamore the Lusty" long after he was dead. His descendant, Harwin, would also go on to secretly father bastards on the crown princess of the realm and heir presumptive decades later.

As it stands, Criston has justifiable reasons to feel disgusted and embittered at his situation. He is a lowborn (son of a steward) dornishman who obtained knighthood and was then elected as a member of one of the most prestigious positions outside of a lordship. Breaking his kingsguard oath would've resulted in castration and disgrace at best or execution at worst. Criston knows that if the truth were ever to be reported to the king (who would attack his own brother scenes later for allegedly deflowering Rhaenyra), he would be summarily punished. As Lyonel Strong himself said:

"Your intimacy with the Princess Rhaenyra is an offence that would mean exile and death. For you, for her, for the children!" -Ser Lyonel Strong, House of the Dragon S1E06

Not only this, but Criston is stuck serving a lifelong occupation wherein he must exist in the same proximity as the employer who propositioned and coerced him, and for years witness her committing what is tantamount to treason (if not scandal at the very least) with another man by violating her own marriage vows as opposed to getting them legally dissolved in the absence of a trueborn heir. This isn't even taking into account what might happen to him once Rhaenyra ascends the iron throne. He was forced to confront the horrific realization of being subjected to the whim of a Targaryen and see that all his efforts of adhering to rules and societal standards meant nothing to the people with authority greater than himself. To boil his character down to a "thug" or an "incel" without attempting to understand his motivations or the broader context surrounding them is utterly reductive.

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People who say that House Hightower destroyed the Targaryen dynasty are kind of silly because House Strong is right there. Like House Strong really apparently wanted to get in on the action and just helped bring down a monarchy.

Harwin straight-up had illegitimate children with the crown princess. And yes I know it takes two to tango but Harwin could have stopped it, though as we see in episode 6 he is more than down with this arrangement. The fact that the children just kept coming out looking nothing like her and he still kept seeing Rhaenyra. After Jace he should have taken a step back, I guess he wanted to see if things would change with Luke? Clearly not. The rumors about Rhaenyra's children just tarnished her reputation and put a target on their children's backs. This was him supporting Rhaenyra too and all he was doing was making things worse.

Larys is a whole nother level. The man flipped sides more than a pancake on a stove. The man was plotting against everyone, I swear. He was undermining anyone who wasn't outright helping him. He even got some personal hits in by helping force Rhaenyra out of King's Landing and then poisoning Aegon. This man was made for chaos and he happened to be born in the right time for it.

Lyonel is rarely talked about but it needs to be said, if Viserys neglected the growing problems so did Lyonel. He watched for years as his son, the commander of the city watch, got close to the princess and her having children who looked suspiciously like him yet said nothing. It's not until Criston Cole mentions it that he confronts Harwin. Like just because no one has had the guts to say doesn't mean no one was thinking it. He said it himself Harwin is committing treason that can result in the exile/death of Harwin, Rhaenyra, and the children but again why say it this late?

Just when you thought all the Strongs were dead after Aemond's attack on Harrenhal, enter Alys Rivers. Whether you believe that she cast a spell on Aemond or not, she followed her family tradition of messing with the Targaryens. Intentionally or not, she led Aemond to Daemon and was there to witness them kill each other. Single handily, she killed two Taragryens as well as two dragons: Vhagar and Caraxes. Then she ran off with baby Aemondcito to vibe at her vacant family home.

Say what you will about the Hightowers, I have never seen such a collected group effort by one family (unintentional or not) to cause so much chaos to another family. They were on opposing sides at some points yet still through every step were petty and screwed over the Targaryens. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. This was mostly me highlighting how weirdly funny it is how involved House Strong was in taking down the Targaryens before they themselves went extinct as a house. No hate to anyone just weird how connected they are with everything.

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bg3 modern!au idea where halsin is a conservationist, who mentions kind of despairingly to a younger colleague at a conference the way he's having such a hard time with outreach to get folks in his community aware of the wildlife around them and how important it is. the colleague makes an offhand reference to how tiktok is the way people seem to get connected to that sort of thing most nowadays, although hell if they have the patience to figure out the app, and wanders off to catch up with someone else. they will not realize until later (far, far later) the ramifications of this statement.

halsin is rather quiet for the rest of the event, makes his goodbyes, and then returns home to painstakingly research just how "tiktok" works, with the grim determination of a fighter entering the ring. if this is what it takes to raise awareness, then this is what he'll do. the cause is more than worth it.

the first roadblock he runs into makes him worry the venture will be over before its even started. the first few webpages he finds tell him patronizingly that his phone is too old to work for 'content creation'. and okay, so it's scuffed, and dented, and has maybe taken one or two tumbles into a mud puddle, but it ought to be more than serviceable! he goes outside and finds a patch of wildflowers, pulling up the camera function and shooting a shaky video. he returns to his kitchen table, squinting down at the results. he can see all of the distinguishing features of the plant that would allow him to recognize it in the wild, which means it's good enough to do its job. with a new resolve - that his family would have wryly labeled as stubbornness - he focuses his research efforts until he finally finds a webpage that will tell him how to make the app work with his phone.

when at last it starts up in a blare of sound and over-saturated colors, he grimaces, but presses on. it asks him to set up a username, and he types in his first name. the little circle spins for a moment, then tells him it's taken. he frowns, then adds a random number. 2. it spins again, same response. he frowns harder, then adds another. 6. it spins, spins, spins, then — welcome, new user @.halsin26! upload your first video to start using tiktok!

omg moooooree Halsin + technology is my weakness

Ahhhhh. Imagine the Tav being one of the users who start to follow him (maybe they also do volunteer work) and then weeks later, they meet. And Tav is like: "It's you!". If it isn't clear, this will lead to a slow-burning romance where they bang at the end and Tav helps him to upgrade his media competence.

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I am once again thinking about the fact that Halsin doesn't WANT to be told that he was a good leader at the Grove, and he DOES want exactly one thing.

Think about the scene where he gets the letter from Francesca. After Halsin laments that he might not have been meant to be Archdruid, you get a few options. First, the two that try to reassure him he was a good leader.

  1. You served the grove well, and found a worthy successor. No one can ask more of you.

To which Halsin says: Still, though... I cannot help but wonder if there was more I could have done. Perhaps, Oak Father willing, I may yet have the chance some day... Forgive me. The shadow curse occupied me so entirely and for so long... I almost miss the purpose it gave me. Now I must find a new one.

He's still glum. A bit hopeful he'll find a new purpose, but clearly not happy overall.

2. You could resume your position at the grove once we've defeated the Absolute.

To which Halsin replies: I thought that would be the case once... yet perhaps the grove will not need me.

He's given up on returning to the Grove, and is a bit sad about it, as much as he's relieved; he never wanted the position and was quite happy to leave, but seeing the ease with which the Grove recovered- didn't actually need him at all- has to hurt, and further his belief that he was never a good leader. Hence, not feeling remotely cheered up by the player's insistence otherwise, because he feels in his heart of hearts it's not true.

One option lets you gently tell Halsin yeah, he is a bad leader, but that's okay.

3. Not everyone is meant for leadership. There's no shame in walking away.

Halsin responds neutrally to this: Indeed. But I have roamed far and wide for years - whole lifetimes. I have seen much, done much, learned much. It would be a shame to not pass that on.

Because he is okay with the idea that he wasn't meant to be there. But he needs something more. He needs a purpose, and he needs something else.

Leading us to...

4. Grove aside, I'm glad you stayed with me.

The only response Halsin gives his approval to, before he replies: As am I. I can scarcely imagine life without your company now, and of course I made a promise to help you - one I intend to fulfill.

He didn't just need to be told it was okay if he hadn't been the best leader at the Grove, and he didn't just need a new purpose.

He needed the promise that he belonged somewhere, in spite of it. That no matter what mistakes he made, someone out there still cared for him. That he could be Halsin Silverbough, not Master Halsin, First Druid of the Emerald Grove.

And that's why he's so happy in his epilogue: not just because he left the Grove, not just because he has children to care for, not just because he's done fighting, not just because he has a purpose, a way to serve others/nature... But because they care for him there. Just like the player does.

It's why he says that he no longer needs to roam now that he has somewhere he's meant to be, and why he says the struggles of balancing others' needs are diminished. And why he says so deeply and sincerely that he's pined for the company of the group.

He needed to be wanted, more than anything.

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One of my favorite things about Halsin is how steadfast and well-regulated he is, even as he engages with the world and its residents from a place of open-hearted care. He is such a spectacular example of a druid in a way we don't often get to see — neither foolishly naive nor callously hidebound.

He is as he is, and while he is open to finding friendship, camaraderie, and affection in the world around him no matter what multitude of forms it may take, he will not change the nature of himself to receive it.

And honestly? Inspirational as hell.

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thekats

Halsin is so fucking well-written though? Like, he keeps on surprising me with his balanced responses. You can actually feel every single one of the years he's lived and experienced. He isn't just good-aligned or wise, he is so fucking reflected?! His speech, while ✨elegant✨ is always super precise and deliberate. He does not see need for shame in natural activities or personal failures. He knows that communicating clearly and openly is the easiest way to resolution, be it in his favour or not. I understand why he was archdruid. Very autistic-coded.

Martel, I love him.

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halsin loves tav, very much. he loves their grey hair, their liver spots, their wrinkles, and their cataracs. he loves them as they slow down, as their body starts to give in to mortality, as they start to forget more than they should. and when it's time for them to leave him for a while, there's the most beautifully kept grave tucked away at the back of the cemetery, with flowers bursting from the soil for centuries to come. when the flowers stop growing, another name is added to the grave, and two lovers reach over planes to touch palms again.

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When someone calls Wyll or Halsin boring, honestly what I hear is that they think kindness is boring. And kindness... really isn't. It's hard to be kind in a world like the Forgotten Realms, where evil abounds and selflessness is often punished. Their entire arcs are about the challenges that come from being good, how much suffering it can cause, which nicely foils the arcs Astarion and Lae'zel have about what it means to be evil and what those choices bring in comparison.

Wyll's kindness left him in a bind where someone else literally owned his soul. Halsin's kindness led him to be imprisoned and tortured by goblins. That isn't boring; that's heartbreaking.

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