Am I selling chaos?
Nope. Sorry.
I've gotten hundreds of pleading requests over the years, with offers ranging from pure self-entitlement to thin, bizarre attempts at flattery to laughably insane amounts of money. I have been doing what I do with all spam, marking it as spam and deleting it, but people have been getting more frequent and more persistent with their Internet Detective work, so I'm going to address the room.
You're not the first, you aren't offering me the most and no, I'm not interested.
And yes, in my more irritated moments I toyed with the idea of just posting their mewlings for me and my friends to laugh at but then I considered the stupid things I did when I was a teenager and how much I now appreciate that people didn't immortalise my moments of embarrassment. So, that is my gift to these frustrated youth desperately trying to craft an identity via spamming and cybervanity licence plates.
Do what I should have done: think up something actually funny and original. Funny is sexy. Then, when strangers message you, they won't want to buy your name, they'll want to buy you a drink.
(but maybe don't accept drinks from internet strangers)