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tbh I really dislike how aphobia tends to be discussed whenever there's some kind of incident that makes it visible to general society. The most common response seems to be some variation of "why would anyone hate asexual/aromantic people, they aren't even doing anything" and it just always sits wrong with me. It paints such a passive picture of our existence and feels like a comment influenced by the level of invisibility that aspec people have in society. Why would you be annoyed by someone who is practically invisible? Just go back to ignoring their existence, it's easy!
But despite the invisibility, aspec people are actually doing quite a lot of things that will piss off queerphobic, right-wing and religious people (and hell, even left-wing people). And the most obvious point is that we are actively not performing heterosexuality the way they want us to. People who's entire world view is "cis men and women should be in monogamous, heterosexual marriage and have (white) babies" are not going to lean back and say "oh but those asexuals and aromantics are fine". They will also hate our guts, and they will come up with all sorts of reasons, including insinuating we're all secretly into bestiality, or mentally ill, or not human, or attention seeking children. It's just plain old queerphobia, and like all queerphobia, there's no inherent logic to it which you can worm your way out of by "not doing anything".
And like, there's a lot more that aspec people do which people hate. Raising awareness about amatonormativity? People feel attacked, they hate it. Asexual people having sex? Or not having sex? People hate it! Aromantic people being in (seemingly) romantic relationships? People fucking hate it! Aromantic people having sex? Ohh people hate that!!
I guess the existence of aphobia can be confusing when you haven't spent much time thinking about asexuality and aromanticism, but in the end, these are identities that aren't heteronormative and they will be hit with the same or similar bigotry as any other queer identity. I just get tired of this response after seeing it recycled for 10 years without ever seeming to go any further.
Reblogged aroreanimator
"asexual discourse" is so funny cause dude that's not discourse and it's never been discourse. it's not an argument and it's not a conversation bitches are just yelling at us unprompted and then making up people to get mad at 😭
Reblogged lapdogchase
my main takeaway from that post is that the "asexuals should be put in meat grinders" crowd didn't actually go away they just got quieter
it really is crazy how hearing the word "aphobia" makes the compassion just immediately drain out of people like a plug got pulled in the soles of their feet. ace people can talk about our experiences with ostracisation and medicalisation and corrective rape and abusive relationships and assault and conversion therapy and familial rejection and societal pressure and self-hatred and loneliness and erasure and lack of representation, and everyone agrees that those things are bad. but the second the word "aphobia" is mentioned people are instantly just falling over themselves in their desperation to Commit To The Bit
#especially in light of the current jkr ace discourse on twt rn... yeah. nothing ever changes#it really is insane to me how many times ive seen people point out every social factor that goes into amatonormativity and then turn around#and say that aromantic people are using a fake and unnecessary label and that they face zero societal stigma whatsoever. like can we#think critically for a minute here. i do think a lot of this particular disconnect stems from people not understanding#the unique way that hyperinvisibility can manifest as a form of oppression as opposed to hypervisibility which is what most people are#used to which i know is something ive said before but its still just. ridiculous everytime
the problem with trying to discuss the way aromanticism/asexuality is treated in fandom spaces is that people are really hyperfocused on whether or not it's okay to ship aro and or ace characters instead of the way over-glorification of (monogamous) romantic/sexual relationships belittles or ignores non-monogamous or non-amatonormative dynamics for the sake of making it look pretty and white picket-fence-y
too much monogamy in fandom in general
as we all know, everyone falls in love once and only once with their one true love the first time, and if they had relationships before that they weren’t real and didn’t love each other, and you can’t love more than one person at once, and your friends and family need to be pushed out of the picture to focus more on your romance, and no one has sex with people they don’t love, and if they did, they’re dirty and they have to have hated it and the sex they have with their one true love after they’re officially together has to be better sex than they ever had before, and no one ever breaks up for any reason other than death, and everyone wants to get married and have kids. aren’t you fucking tired.
I SAID AREN’T YOU FUCKING TIRED
Reblogged girlhorrror
anatomical heart pngs. made by me. credit not required!
Reblogged kindaorangey
Every character is aroace to me until proven otherwise
Reblogged grimeclown
Asexual flag condom
Real btw
Reblogged
just remembered the time i briefly defined types of relationships (platonic romantic familial and queerplatonic iirc) like offhandedly in a post and someone sent me an anon like “maybe since ur aro u should let people who know more about it exppain romantic relationships … ur description wasn’t emotional enough it felt like a definition” ????????? HUH
is this what they wanted
- platonic = being friends with someone
- familial = being like family with someone
- queerplatonic = secret third thing between/outside of platonic and romantic; by its nature not something you can put a strict definition on let alone a short one
- romantic = You gaze longingly into their eyes, softness etched into your unfurrowed brow; you watch them relax into your touch as you cup their cheek with your hand. It is indisputable that this is the most important experience anyone could ever have or ever will have, and to degrade it to the status of mere friendship or family would be not only cruel and heartless but completely incorrect. The spark in your chest when you kiss them reaffirms both your humanity and that this is vastly more significant than any other relationship type ever. I can't keep writing this post anymore i'm not strong enough sorry
Reblogged
sometimes, love means nothing to me and i reject the notion of loving anything or anyone. i disconnect from the idea of love. instead of loving tasks, they're just my favorites or things i enjoy doing. and sometimes, love means everything to me. it becomes a core part of who i am, and i fall in love with everything around me a little bit. my heart is full of it. but im still disconnected from the idea of love, even if only partially. my feelings on love fluctuate. but either way, im always so glad to be aro, even if it took me a long time to be fully okay with it.
Reblogged aromanticbastards
"Aro/Ace person gets given a love potion" story but instead of them being immune or whatever, it DOES work, and they realize IMMEDIATELY that they've been fed a love potion because this feeling is so wrong and foreign but everyone keeps laughing off the idea of it being a love potion because "they were probably just a late bloomer" or "no, you just finally found the right person!" and it's just a horror story about how no one believes them even though they know, they KNOW this isn't right and they can't stand it.
Reblogged etherealspacejelly
oh are you friends? or just dating.
Reblogged heartless-aro
Black Aromantic Texts Masterpost
It can be hard finding aromantic texts especially outside of the context of asexuality. Because of this, Black and mixed perspectives of aromanticism can be left out. That's why I'm sharing all the works I found for this Aro Week in a masterpost. Please share this around and support the OG Black aro writers and creators too! Tagging @blkaroculture as that's the new official Black aro culture account.
'“I googled aromanticism and I very much felt like, ‘Oh, that’s me.’ Which means if you tell me to dress up nicely because we’re going to go to a dinner with candles, it’s not going to mean a lot to me. It’s a waste of money and I have ingredients at home. Things like weddings and the expense of these things – I would rather settle for the rest of my life with a person. I am OK being by myself.'
'I think black women could feel more assertive in themselves if they realized that they can be Aromantic and not pushed into this box where they have to play a role they don’t want to play. Black women deserve to explore romantic orientations as well as sexual ones and have a deep dive into how they feel. And that should be respected.'
'I am unaware of any exclusive space for Black aros, however I believe the creation of one would be best for the safety and wellbeing of these members of our community.'
'..but because of my undesirability, because of my Blackness and Black womanhood, and because of my aromantic identity, I feel very much cut off from having the types of relationships that I would like to have.'
''We are taught that you can have everything – great friends, a loving home, a beautiful family, a successful career, comfort within yourself – but if you’re single, you’re incomplete. You haven’t succeeded in life unless someone romantically loves you and you romantically love someone else. Some assume being aromantic must be a terrible thing – like you’re missing something essential. But romantic relationships aren’t the ultimate relationship, and I appreciate all of the others.''
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