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@elusive / elusive.tumblr.com

lovebot:
“We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. You will remember having conversations with this person that never actually happened. You will recall sexual trysts with this person that never technically occurred. This is because the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real—but you create the context. And context is everything. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.”
(Chuck Klosterman, Killing Yourself to Live)

I must have these shoes. ASAP.

Am I supposed to put my life on hold because you don't know how to act and you don't know where your life is going? Am I supposed to be torn apart, broken hearted in a corner crying? Pardon me if I don't show it, I don't care if I never see you again. I'll be all right, take this final piece of advice and get yourself together, but either way, baby I'm gone. I'm so over it, I've been there and back. changed all my numbers and just in case you're wondering I got that new "I'm a single girl" swag, got me with my girls, and we're singing it.

:)

This life is way too short to get caught up and all mixed up when I just want you to love me back, why can't you just love me back?

The Spill Canvas - All Over You
You are what every guy looks for in a girl. Understand that. You are amazing. You are willing to sacrifice everything for love. There will be so many other better guys who are going to come into your life and fall for you in an instant. So do it. Move on. Wait for the guy who will do the same for you. Wait for the one who will love you more than he can love himself. The one who will never let you wait because he’s too afraid to lose you. The one who is always there for you, whether you need him or not because he loves you so much. Wait for the guy who can look you straight in the eye to tell you that he wants to spend the rest of his life with nobody else but you. Move on. Stop waiting. There is no point in waiting for somebody who doesn’t realize your value.

Note to self: Seriously, stop waiting.

Why can't we say what we're thinking of?

Things would be so much easier.

Clarity.

"What should I do now?" I asked my friend this the other day. She told me that if I'm still talking to her about the same person, then I should already have my answer. That's when it actually hit me. How was it that I was still talking about the same person more than a year later? If anyone else had asked me for advice on a situation like this, I would know exactly what to tell them. Let it go. It's been too long. It shouldn't be this hard. Why are you wasting your time on someone who doesn't even care? I guess I kept trying because I somehow convinced myself that I was the one not trying hard enough.

I just spent the last year holding on to something that was never even there.

But it's all so clear now.

So this is me, moving on to better things. With a big smile on my face. Finally.

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