OH MY GOD APPARENTLY TAKING AN ARROW TO THE KNEE WAS AN OLD NORDIC SLANG FOR GETTING MARRIED 

I THOUGHT THAT ALL THOSE GUYS IN SKYRIM HAD LITERALLY BEEN SHOT IN THEIR KNEES WITH ARROWS BUT I GUESS NOT

And at that moment, the foundation of that entire meme became something like this:

THAT EXPLAINS WHY MEN GO DOWN ON ONE KNEE WHEN THEY PROPOSE

OH MY GOD

I will never not laugh at this.

I had this friend who used to brag to us all the time that he could catch his cum in his mouth without fail every time he masturbated.  He actually wrote down how many times he successfully did it.  327.  I’ll never forget that number.  And every day at school, he would talk about this.  It was always during lunch my sophomore year of high school, too..so it was extremely unnecessary.  He used to always try to demonstrate his techniques with packets of mayonnaise but we’d always threaten to move tables so he’d stop.  He was really one of those people who needed attention constantly.  Aside from those times at lunch, he was a completely normal dude.  Like…even after class we’d ask him about that stuff and be like “dude, what was with that cum stuff at lunch,” and he’d always look at us like we were crazy and say “what the hell are you talking about?”  I’ll never forget that classmate.  His great personality will always be remember but his perplexing obsession with catching his own ejaculate in his mouth will live on forever at my previous high school.  He was a one of a kind guy.  His name was Norman Reedus.

[ID: A gif of a tall round structure, possibly a grain silo, dramatically collapsing.]

[ID: A photo of Norman Reedus.]

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Additional questions:

we teach girls to shrink themselves, to fit themselves more compactly in a transistor. we expect girls to double in processing efficiency every two years. we say to sufficiently advanced girls, you are indistinguishable from magic

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they should add a fishing minigame to tumblr

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Hi this is a very silly idea that's based on @reading-comp-posting but different obviously

Who even uses this emoji

[Id: a screenshot of a tag made by @/flaretheidiot which reads, "#it's for when you're buying clothes"]

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ilove homosexuals i  love bisexuals  i love trans !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yayy ayyayy ayy Weare all sooo ocool

your silence on fresh basil pesto is deafening.

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So we're supposed to look straight at it?

Yeah

Ok thanks just double checking

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if you boop someone enough times you can deactivate their blog

no this is called lying

[ID: A post reply by @/imthatwannabeauthor that reads, "YOU CAN?"]

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[ID: a tweet made by @/downstar_ao3 that reads as follows: "Just a reminder that fictional characters aren't real people who need to be held to account for their actions. They are vehicles to tell a story.

Their flaws and contradictions are a feature and not a bug. And appreciating the role they play in the story is not a moral failing."]

[ID: An image of an adult woman showing a baby a toy. It has been edited to feature a speech bubble which comes from the adult woman and is mostly cut off by the top of the image.]

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I was going to make a post today from the perspective of my mother, telling everyone that I died in prison after being arrested for meth use. But the issue is that said post started to become a bit genuinely heartbreaking so I ultimately decided against it

To clarify: it was supposed to be a humorous callback to that one dream but it was getting too serious with it so into the void it went

We'll return to your regularly-scheduled reading-comp-posting tomorrow

If it gives you any idea of what the original version was like, it involved me being magicked back into a baby through a series of unlikely coincidences

just got kicked out of Starbucks for - you guessed it - inventing a special kind of glue that lets me climb up anything.

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i don't believe the mailman exists, it HAS to be our parents who bring us packages and letters there's no way for one guy to do all that

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ultimately the cheesecake factory menu fails to tell a queer narrative

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