Middle-aged magical girl.

She's been defending the Earth since the early 90s and she's very tired.

My name is Tominaga Haruka. I was chosen by a magical talking animal, and for the last 29 years I've been Earth's one and only... Wonder-Sparkle Princess.

she's been fighting the same villains for three decades and they are also tired of it. Most of them aren't giving it their all. Half of them are in a groupchat they've added her to where they schedule their evil plans to make sure they don't interfere with each other, or more importantly, with *her* Xalkrax the space demon from outer space decided to attack the city when she was taking her vacation time once, and now he's dead, because even the power of friendship and redemption can't save you if you interrupt her rare vacations

Demon Queen Eluria: Gonna fill the city people's hearts with hatred on thursday to cause mayhem and discord.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: Can't, got a PTA meeting.

Demon Queen Eluria: Friday?

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: A birthday party.

Demon Queen Eluria: Damn. How about I fill just the mayor's heart with hatred then?

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: That'd be redundant, lol. Maybe fill his heart with a desire to fix the fucking potholes?!

Demon Queen Eluria: LMFAO love you, bitch. Stay strong.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: You too, gurl. How's the husband? Still dead?

Demon Queen Eluria: Yep. Thanks for that, btw.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: Don't mess with my time off :p

Why are people tagging this '#wonder sparkle princess' like that's a thing and not a name I made up exclusively for this post?

Congratulations on inventing a new tumblr deity!!

She isn't 29 years old. She's been a magical girl for 29 years. If she started at 14 (typical magical girl protagonist age) then she'd be 43.

Assigned magic girl at birth

why do you guys talk like you think not voting means no one gets elected

Writing is so much fun! You can be like "I should process this" and just go nuh-huh, see, I'm going to make up a guy and have them process it for me. Not me! It's the guy I made!

Heres your reminder to use literally anything but chrome

And here's your reminder that Firefox actively works to protect your privacy and prevent tracking.

Firefox also has “Facebook fence” which is used to contain Facebook into isolated tabs that prevent tracking as you browse, since so many sites have social media plugins/ads that help collect data for Facebook and other apps.

You can tell Firefox to fence in Facebook in the browser preferences. Also a good time to change your search engine to DuckDuckGo and leave Google search behind (or only use it with another browser that’s separate from daily use).

The EFF (OP of the tweet) has various types of privacy tools that they’ve created. Some are browser plugins. I recommend going to their site to learn more about internet privacy and advocacy (and donating a few bucks if you can spare it). https://www.eff.org/pages/tools

Go jerk off. Yes you. Yes stop what you're doing, it can wait. Jerk off.

im driving rn but okay!!!

uh oh

i love the idea that someone browsing and commenting on tumblr while driving is safe but pulling your thang is what tips it over the edge

mr sandman

man me a sand

Make it the cutest man car door hook hand

i cannot begin to explain the emotions i feel every day knowing that this post i made in the middle of playing tf2 when i was 16 is going to be the one thing of mine that has made the largest impact on the world by a fucking mile

nooo not the weight of it all lol

you all hate the position i sleep in because you haven’t advanced to my level and you’re jealous of my mental acuity and caustic wit as well as being extremely good at sleeping

Just sitting with my feels

All these billionaires who invested in the metaverce and Neuralink must be questioning their life choices looking at what what furries are doing in VR chat.

I've been on this project for nearing 3 years, now! Here's the repository for anybody interested. We support loads of different EEGs, but most initial testing was done on our Muse 2 headbands (you can find em on ebay for around $120. They fit under VR headsets just fine).

Call me impact font the way I make that Bottom Text

Sailor's superstition - North German version

Here are a few little things from the North German - Frisian region that I don't want to withhold from you.

Your ship must not have a name ending in A. This will ensure that your wooden lady will get mad and try to drown you.

On the way to the ship, avoid the sight of a woman in a white bonnet, especially if she is barefoot. This she-devil will only get you into trouble (and not just with her husband if he catches you).

But while we're on the subject of white, a flock of sheep on your path is a real blessing and will bring you luck on your journey. The same goes for the call of a cuckoo.

On board, besides women and clergymen, civilians, chickens and lawyers were also unwelcome, they bring bad luck, only trouble or serve as a basis for witches to curse you and your ship.

But to keep the devil at bay, all sailors had a nickname.

No good wind ? then hang a broom on the mast. And preferably in the direction from which the wind should come.

Many sailors in the navy couldn't swim, but ordinary fishermen or hallig sailors were able to. And in order to swim, you had to wade to a certain depth and then dive head first into the water to avoid drowning and scaring off the fish in the area, as they would mistake the sailor or fisherman for one of them.

being OCpilled is so fucking mortifying honestly. like oh... yeah..... heres my guy. i invented him. i can't think about anything else except for him this week. but he isn't cool or anything. he actually sucks. im just ill.