Love advice so garbage he doesn't even follow it himself

Jet from atla is so funny bc like, he's fighting zuko and taunting him being like "bet you wanna use some fire instead of those swords, dont u fireboy" which is a funny thing to say to a guy who is clearly very eager to fight using swords

Idc if the kitten girl who has nine girlfriends and leaked the nofly list uses a label you personally disapprove of she’s literally cooler than you

I keep hearing bits and pieces of this story and every one makes this person sound more fucking amazing

can anyone tell me the whole shenanigan?

Basically a trans woman who’s a bisexual lesbian kitten therian who uses she/it pronouns and has nine girlfriends hacked into an airport via a public server and was able to leak the entire TSA no-fly list and announced it on its pink kitten blog with a “Holy fucking bingle. What?! :3” which is a pretty big cybersecurity breach and obviously everyone thought it was the coolest thing ever until the twitter mobs found out about the “bisexual lesbian” part and got pissed at her for being queer the wrong way. And it’s really really funny that they think they can tell a literal enemy of the state how to label her sexuality.

It's always "be gay do crime" until the crime is against your self-constructed orthodoxy of queerness which you've convinced yourself will get the cishets to respect you for sure this time.

This is so much information all at once.

Normal work emergencies: “They need me to come in and fix a system that broke down.”

Dropout work emergencies: “They need me to come in and throw pasta at comedians.”

do you ever hear people talking about something and you’re like. fuck. let me be real for a second. i’m too much of a commie to have this conversation

“of course this is the bare minimum amount of labor someone must perform to be a human being worthy of being alive! what do you think, rimon?” brother if i told you what i think about this your head would fucking explode.

I was talking at work about how fucking boring mens fashion is and how I wish I could wear skirts and dresses and stuff without getting weird looks and people were laughing like i was joking? And then this girl said "you don't want to start wearing skirts, then you have to shave your legs!" and i said well no and she said okay maybe not as a man but I still have to and i said "well... you don't though" and she thought that was a joke?????? I fucking hate gender

it’s okay bro ur out here doing the lords work. telling women that they can be hairy is basically a divine mission

Bro I haven't shaved my legs since 2018 and then I only did it so they wouldn't itch in the tights I wore for my wedding. I haven't shaved my legs regularly since 2012. I wear dresses all the damn time. I don't shave my pits either and I wear sleeveless shirts. I'm a dancer and perform in clothes that show off my hairy legs and pits.

You literally don't have to do a damn thing.

you have to stay alive. you're going to be such a beautiful middle aged freak. young freaks will see you in the street and know that things can be okay.

I kill you

Unmute for full effect.

This is literally how movies introduce the most badass monster that's gonna wreck the protagonist's entire week.

The sudden stare

maybe i should just change the name of the blog

Reblog if you're shorter than 5'8.

Sort of 5'6" at the moment. (Formerly 5'7", but my spine has compacted somewhat over time.)

I was 5'9" and now I’m 5'6.5", because that’s what happens when you have spinal surgery.

Thanks for the question, Anon!

I got my lobes pierced when I was 12, so elementary school. I added more over the years when I was in high school and then took those out, but got my conch pierced when I was 27. So I have my lobes and conch currently.

The Addams Family (1991) dir. Barry Sonnenfeld + trivia

leitmotifs never get old to me like holy shit dude there’s this melody that corresponds to this one guy and if you hear the melody it means the guy is there. holy shit. and sometimes it refers to ideas too not just guys. has anyone heard about this

Sometimes something fucked up happens to the guy and their melody gets fucked up too. Sometimes the thing that fucked them up also has its own melody and when the first melody gets fucked up the second melody gets mixed in

no fucking way dude. are you serious

Blackout poetry exists on a dual axis from "banal" to "insightful" on the input side and "kind of deep" to "incredibly fucking dumb" on the output side, and while taking something banal and producing something kind of deep is well and fine, for my money taking something insightful and rendering it incredibly fucking dumb is where the real art is.

#i stuck the word 'banal' in there twice specifically so that 'anal' would be low hanging fruit#but i genuinely did not anticipate 'banana' --@prokopetz

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Don't know how many times I've showed a non-Tumblr person a Tumblr post and had the whole thing derail because the poor soul actually read someone's user name.

"Why does it say--" *squints at the screen* "....aziraphale's flaming cock??"

"Oh no uh, ignore that."

they will both show up outside the window of your palatial beachside estate where you're trying to dispose of evidence, but only one of them will successfully look as confused as anyone else by his presence

columbo says, "i'm here by coincidence," and you're sure he can't be but you can't actually rule it out and maybe you are just paranoid

constantine says, "i'm here by coincidence," and you both know he doesn't care that you know he's lying. also he's probably claiming the coincidence is that he was meeting up with your dad who he matched with on grindr, which adds a layer

adulthood is just a constant struggle of, “man, i want cookies for breakfast, but I also recognize this is a bad nutritional decision.  On the other hand, the only one who can stop me is me.  i know that fucker’s weaknesses.  i could totally take me in a fight.”

frog and toad are my two remaining brain cells struggling to keep my horrible body alive