Person 1: don’t you think you have too many candles??
Person 2, aggressively sniffing 20 different candles: what do you mean?
Person A: be careful, that plate is hot
Person B: i am Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, of the Blood of Old Valerya, the Unburnt, Mother of Dragons, khaleesi to Drogo’s riders, and queen of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros. I am blood of the dragon. Fire cannot kill a dragon
Person B: ah shit that's hot
Person 1: We saved our best idea for last!
Person 2: If it was our best idea, why did we save it for last?
Person 3: Because we didn’t know it was our best idea until all our other ideas turned out to be terrible.
Person 1: how're you feeling?
Person 2: not good. i have this headache that comes and goes
Person 3: *walks into the room*
Person 2: there it is
Person 1: I have cat-like reflexes.
Person 2: prove it.
Person 1: *points to a cat*
Person 1: I like that cat.
Character A, in front of a conspiracy board: Okay, so, people can’t actually comprehend how 2 three dimensional objects can travel in straight parallel lines and meet up again. The reason we know said hypothetical objects would meet up again is because—
Character B: we should kiss
Character A: and since the TWO dimensional objects meet up only in THREE dimensions, we can assume that the three dimensional objects would meet up in the fourth dimension, which leads back into the curvature of gravity—
Character B: like in a gay way
(btw the info here is probably true I don’t really remember. youtube video about it here)
Person 1: How did this happen?!
Person 2: Look, in my defense, I was left unsupervised.
Person 1: But wasn’t Person 3 with you?!
Person 3: Well, in my defense, I was also left unsupervised.
Person 1: One more week of being stuck here with Person 2 and you will definitely find a dead body.
Person 2: Yes, because one more week with Person 1 and I will definitely kill myself.
Person 1: You lied to Person 3?
Person 2: Call it what you will.
Person 1: …Well I call it lying. LIAR!
Person 1: how long are you going to stay mad at me?
Person 2: ... ten minutes.
Person 1: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through some stuff?
Person 2: No.
Person 3: Nope.
Person 4: Absolutely not.
Person 2: I hope it sucks, whatever you’re going through.
Person 3, laughing: “I hope it sucks”!?!
Person 2: Hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.
Person 4: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you. I can’t wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could’ve changed that outcome.
Person 1: What the hell! I just asked if you’d be there for me!
Person 1: We have to tell him the dog died!
Person 2: No! Person 3, the dog ran away.
Person 3: Why?
Person 1: He didn't want you to see him die!
Person 2: P E R S O N 1 !
Person 1: I don't like this.
Person 2: Me taking a risk, or me using logic against you?
Person 1: Both.
Person A: you can’t hold a hamster when your hands are covered in glue!
Person B: correction, you can’t DROP a hamster when your hands are concerned in glue.
Person A, to person B, pointing to a heart shaped cookie: look! This one’s a heart! That’s how I feel about you!
Person B: *sniffle* AAAAHHHHHHH
Person A, to person C, pointing at a Michigan shaped cookie: this one looks like Michigan! That’s how I feel about you!
Person C: what–
(Credit to @hoodedjelly on twitter btw)
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Person 1: Person 2 told me Santa wasn't real. Well joke's on him because I'm at the mall right now and guess who's here?
Person 1: *wiggling eyebrows* Hey who’s your favorite person in the whole world? *bats eyes*
Person 2: Don’t have one
Person 1: Hey! What about me?
Person 2: You asked favorite person and you’re my angel
Person 1: *tearing up* Awww, really?
Person 2: Yeah cuz you’re dead to me