worst part about getting angry is how much it makes you want to be mean

sorry i said something dickish. a few mildly frustrating things happened to me in succession and it turned me evil

may 16, 2024

family trips are always like this smh

Slaying princesses as per usual

Wounded as that one Reese painting! ^

Since flight is so physically demanding, the pecs of flying birds are the largest muscles in their bodies

If you, for some reason, still have a subscription to the Atlantic, cancel it

Tbh i think Disney should rebrand to make Minnie their main character instead of Mickey. My reasoning:

1) if you talk to like any disney fan, especially the ones that collect stuff, they all like Minnie more anyways

2) they already sell way more Minnie merch than Mickey anyways

3) Minnie's disney jr shows do better than Mickey's

4) itd be really funny to see people complain about disney having a "woke feminist agenda"

Unmute !

There is plenty of sheep to count if you have trouble sleeping.

#well it is very much ON the farm #no false advertising there

this sounds exactly like putting your farm too close to your house in minecraft

Bro balls collection part 1

Sweethearts, all of em

my dealer: got some straight gas 🔥😛 this strain is called “hermitcraft 10” 😳 youll be zonked out of your gourd 💯

me: yeah whatever. i dont feel shit.

5 minutes later: dude i swear i just saw a death star in the shopping district

my buddy iskall, pacing: i'm in a secret relationship with joel smallishbeans

The idea of dragons in modern times is so fun because imagine a hot summer day on your vacay and go to use the hotel pool and staff is like "valued guests we regret to inform you that the pool area is out of service at the moment, we apologize for the inconvenience"

And people like "wtf why" looking out their hotel room window and there's this. This dragon just curled up in the pool chilling, literally, cooling itself down

Some of the staff are trying to gently shoo him away and the dragon does a soft little "rrrrrr" like a grumpy cat and a warning puff of smoke and they're like "fuck it i don't get paid nearly enough for this" and no ones using the pool today sorry!

ever since i had the surgery i have been feeling bad about asking my dad for stuff i can't get so i thought id mix it up.

another one :3

viewers: have you ever wanted to visit canada?

joel, a normal guy: i would love to go visit gem and search for etho

joel smallishbeans, machete in hand, snowshoes on, navigating the Canadian wilderness. he approaches a log cabin, the first civilization hes seen in hours, and knocks on the door. a nondescript 30-something man answers the door. "eefo?" he asks. the man looks at him, confused. joel shakes his head and walks away. he mudt be here somewhere, its only a matter of time

lizzie tells him this and he just goes silent for like a minute and then goes "im going in winter"

Pov: you are a man flirting in in-game chat

Re: dragon!gem, because I felt like it.