my greatest strength? listen, you may think i'm exaggerating but i have never, not once in my entire life, met anyone as good as i am at decoding my dad's pop culture references.
one time he referred to an actor as "superman's brother" and without even setting up a conspiracy board full of photos and string, i was able to determine that he meant casey affleck. (if you're wondering how superman fits into it, given that ben affleck has never once played the caped crusader, understand that ben did portray george reeves, the actor who played superman, in a 2006 movie called Hollywoodland.)
"the song about tall buildings" is "such great heights" by the postal service.
"the song about the bloody dove" is, naturally, the decemberists' "the crane wife"
"the hairy guy's friend" is han solo (which in fairness, probably is how chewbacca sees him).
i know for a fact i have mentioned this before on tumblr but i can't help it. there are vanishingly few things about myself i am comfortable praising without caveat; this is one of them. i am awful at riddles but i am extremely good at whatever this shit is. i am the goddamn dad whisperer.
not all dads; to be clear, just my dad. the my-dad whisperer.
did you mean like something that would make me employable? like, at your company?
uhhh oh god okay how's this:
i have way too much anxiety to ever try to steal office supplies