The Apocrypals

I love the hagiography of early Irish & Welsh saints. You’re like. Did most of these people exist? Probably not. Did any of these events occur? Also probably not.

Then you find out there are many, many, first hand accounts of Irish monks making it to Iceland and the Faroe Islands centuries before the Vikings and there are written accounts of the curses early Irish missionaries put on people and you’re like. Okay. Maybe it’s not that crazy. Maybe St. Brendan did find the Isle of the Blessed and give communion to a mermaid, or something mermaid shaped.

@apocrypals

I do appreciate that the earliest Christian heresies are like "what if there was an evil magician". Much more fun than rioting over whether Jesus was fully divine and fully human or fully [divine and human]

@apocrypals

I don’t care if you make fun of Catholicism as long as it’s accurate! The best humour has its roots in the truth.

“You can be mean to me but there are RULES about it” is the most Catholic thing I’ve ever seen.

I walked into that one

@apocrypals

I am obsessed with this botched restoration of a 19th century statue of saint anthony

Look at how yassified he is

St Cunthony of Servington

@apocrypals

As it is Passover again, it is time for the annual debate as to whether the frog plague, which thanks to a quirk in the Hebrew, is written as a plague of frog, singular, rather than the plural, plague of frogs, was in fact, as generally imagined, a plague of many frogs, or instead a singular giant Kaiju frog. This is an ancient and venerable argument that actually goes back to the Talmud because this is what the Jewish people are. If we can't argue for fun about this sort of thing, what are we even doing.

In that spirit, I would like to submit a third possibility, which is that in fact it was one perfectly normal sized frog, who was absolutely acing Untitled Frog Game: Ancient Egypt Edition. One particularly obnoxious frog, who through sheer hard work, managed to plague all of Egypt.

@apocrypals

Oh my god Italy got hit with 20% tariffs, but Vatican City didn't. Some cardinal is about to become a global leader in microchip imports.

@apocrypals

got a reality check today at work when i was telling my coworker what I'd been up to

@apocrypals

@apocrypals

Being presented these two choices right next to each other makes me feel like I'm a character in a Jack Chick Tract or something.

@apocrypals

Listen, if you want to understand how emanations work, it's like this:

If you're an infinite thing like God, and you want to become a finite thing like the world, how do you go from infinite to finite? Answer: emanation.

You know when youre at a wedding, and there's a big pyramid of wine glasses? And they fill the wine glasses by pouring champagne into the top, so it overflows and then fills all the glasses beneath it? Imagine the wine bottle is infinite. That's God.

Each of the glasses is called a hypostasis. God can emanate through many hypostases to reach it's final emanation.

As for how many hypostases there are, and how they're arranged, that's the tricky one. Every religion has a different answer, and it's never simple.

I GET NO RESPECT ON THIS DAMN WEB SITE

@apocrypals

new rule you have to live to be 34. you cant kill yourself until you turn 34. jesus died at 33 you can do better

this is a common law btw. you can check it out by looking up 'rule 34'

@apocrypals

was behind a truck today with a bumper sticker that said "JESUS CAN HELP YOU" and in my head i was like 🙄 ok but then i saw a second, handmade sign on the side of the truck that said "taskrabbit: call jesus torres" and his phone number

@apocrypals

JESUS SAVES

You time and money over other repairmen

if i was stuck in a room witha crocodile id gain its trust and we would escape together

- Saint Euphemia

@apocrypals

king saul taking a shit (while david cuts off a piece of his robe)

illustrations of 1 samuel 24:3 in two different weltchronik (world chronicle) manuscripts. bavaria/austria, c. 1370-75 and c. 1400-50

sources: Munich, BSB, Cgm 5, fol. 136v // Munich, BSB, Cgm 250, fol. 133r

@apocrypals

@apocrypals

dj got us falling in love again

common expanded universe win

@apocrypals

🤔