Silver tiptoed through Flint’s dark cabin, opening drawers, feverishly seeking the book from which he’d obtained this mysteriously valuable page. He found a likely leather-bound volume and opened it at the first page. He read the first few lines of neat handwriting, and couldn’t help but get engrossed in them.

My name is Captain James Flint and I have a fucking hard body (that’s how I got my name). I have dramatic coppery red hair that reaches my lower neck and a beard that glints like fire in the sun and tumultuous green eyes like an angry ocean. A lot of people tell me I share my opinion on revenge with Thomas Middleton (AN: if you don’t know who he is get the fuck out of here!). I’m not related to flint the mineral, but people think I am because I’m a stone cold killer. I’m a redhead and fuck you if you have a problem with that. I have milky pale freckled skin. I have I’m also the Walrus’ captain, and I take bloody revenge on the British in Nassau where I plunder and sink any ship that crosses my path. I’m a pirate (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love stealing from the corpses of my victims and I get all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a heavy black leather coat over a burgundy shirt and tight  breeches that reveal my thick muscular thighs, heavy rings on several fingers and leather shoes under black gaiters. I was walking into Eleanor’s tavern. It was stormy and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of Vane’s crew stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

“Hey Captain!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was… that little shit of a new cook with his stupidly hot curly hair!

“What the fuck do you want?” I asked.

“Nothing.” he said shyly.

But then, I heard Gates call me and I had to go away.

That’s where Flint’s entry ended. Perplexed, and slightly frustrated, Silver closed the diary and went about finding what he’d really come to look for. He suspected, though, that he’d be eternally haunted by the words he’d just read.

Note: Flint’s diary entry was lifted with great fondness and nostalgia from the (in)famous Harry Potter fanfic/trollfic My Immortal’s first few paragraphs. There’s also a generator here to make your own.