My friend @moosefrog wrote a fic called Three Jameses and Billy’s Nipples which became an instant classic in my cracky mind. I had some fun reading it aloud, and she had some fun reading my, er, “story”, My Immortal Captain. Yes we’re bringing the crack to the Black Sails fandom, sorry. XD (do people still say “crack” or is that so 2005?)
And yeah I tried to read it Seriously. Because Billy’s Nipples are a very serious subject matter.
Black Sails - James Flint tries to teach Math to John Silver but ended received blowjob from Silver/having sex with Silver
Bing Bing Bing! You’re a lucky winner! (And the only person to submit an ask!) You are the proud muse that inspired a Black Sails shitpost about maths and blowjobs!
Flint: You’re the ship’s cook; you HAVE to be able to do math. Silver: I’ll have you know I’m an expert at math. Flint: *looks down at the soup he knows won’t feed even half his crew* Flint: You really aren’t. Silver: I know if I add you and I together and subtract our clothes… Flint: …I hate you.
[One. Week. Later.]
Flint: You have fives pieces of hard tack. Silver: Yes. Flint: Now, how many do you have if I take two away. Silver: *scoops all five into his lap so Flint can’t have any* Five. Flint: No, see, this is how subtraction works. I take awa— Silver: FIVE. Flint: Jesus fucking Christ. It’s a good thing you suck dick like a champion.
Inspired by the idea of Flint being from an Irish background, and fascinated myself by songs relating to the sea, I decided to put this fanmix together for the last day of Flint Appreciation Week. I tried to make tell his life while also being sea-related in some way.
A lot of this is the music I listen to while writing. As you’ll see I lean towards Celtic music, folk and traditional music. The music is all on Spotify, which you can listen to for free if you don’t mind ads.
1. Youth: You Brought Me Up (Karan Casey)
Way out of reach and out of my depth
I wear your love like a skin
That hurts when anyone touches me
Where you left me down for once and for all
Out of reach of our sea
2. Discovering the Sea: Open Boats (Norland Wind) instrumental
3. A Cornish Cautionary Tale on Sirens: Sunken Bells (Emily Portman) There is a fatal lullaby Drifts by as lungs are filling Leave off your thrashing for the light It’s better to come willing
5. Struggling to the Top: Cursum Perficio (Enya)
A word to the wise:
the more people have,
the more they want.
6. Haunted: Lowlands Low(The Elftones) I dreamed a dream the other night My love she came, dressed all in white
I dreamed my love came in my sleep Her cheeks were wet, her eyes did weep
7. Enchanted by a Siren: The Mermaid’s Croon (trad. arr. by Jean-Luc Lenoir) Sleep beneath The foam of the waves On reefs of sleep Dreaming in dew mist.
8. Victorious Battles: Storm in a Teacup (Norland Wind) instrumental
9. Descent into Strife: Pax Deorum (Enya) Amid the hope and worry, the fear and anger Believe that each day which breaks for you is the last: The unexpected hour will be the more welcome. – Horace, Epistles
10. Saved by a Siren: Jack (Emily Portman) The
roaring of the sea fills up his ears Jack is
listening for something that he never hears And he
sings “Oh your song has sunk a thousand sails So why
did you guide me home through the gales?”
11. Moving On: Fanann na Cnoic (Noel Duggan with Norland Wind) And though we are troubled and though we are sad, Happier times await up ahead People move on but the hills remain.
Silver tiptoed through Flint’s dark cabin, opening drawers, feverishly seeking the book from which he’d obtained this mysteriously valuable page. He found a likely leather-bound volume and opened it at the first page. He read the first few lines of neat handwriting, and couldn’t help but get engrossed in them.
My name is Captain James Flint and I have a fucking hard body (that’s how I got my name). I have dramatic coppery red hair that reaches my lower neck and
a beard that glints like fire in the sun
and tumultuous green eyes like an angry ocean. A lot of people tell me I share my opinion on revenge with Thomas Middleton (AN: if you don’t know who he is get the fuck out of here!). I’m not related to flint the mineral, but people think I am because I’m a stone cold killer.
I’m a redhead and fuck you if you have a problem with that. I have
milky pale freckled skin. I have I’m also the Walrus’ captain, and I take bloody revenge on the British in Nassau where I plunder and sink any ship that crosses my path. I’m a pirate (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love stealing from the corpses of my victims and I get all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a heavy black leather coat over a burgundy shirt and tight breeches that reveal my thick muscular thighs, heavy rings on several fingers and leather shoes under black gaiters. I was walking into Eleanor’s tavern. It was stormy and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of Vane’s crew stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
“Hey Captain!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was… that little shit of a new cook with his stupidly hot curly hair!
“What the fuck do you want?” I asked.
“Nothing.” he said shyly.
But then, I heard Gates call me and I had to go away.
That’s where Flint’s entry ended. Perplexed, and slightly frustrated, Silver closed the diary and went about finding what he’d really come to look for. He suspected, though, that he’d be eternally haunted by the words he’d just read.
Note: Flint’s diary entry was lifted with great fondness and nostalgia from the (in)famous Harry Potter fanfic/trollfic My Immortal’s first few paragraphs. There’s also a generator here to make your own.
