Sea Slug AU. So, I was chatting with @medusinestories and this happened. If you’re not cool with sexy sea slug pirate adventures then you’re not cool with me. I sort of feel like this is what Black Sails would’ve been in the Spongebob Squarepants universe.
BONUS:
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#black sails #james flint #john silver #thomas hamilton #jack rackham #charles vane #anne bonny #sea slug au #miranda hamilton #max #moosefrogarta-man-for-hire-and-his-archives asked:
Black Sails - James Flint tries to teach Math to John Silver but ended received blowjob from Silver/having sex with Silver
Bing Bing Bing! You’re a lucky winner! (And the only person to submit an ask!) You are the proud muse that inspired a Black Sails shitpost about maths and blowjobs!
Flint: You’re the ship’s cook; you HAVE to be able to do math.
Silver: I’ll have you know I’m an expert at math.
Flint: *looks down at the soup he knows won’t feed even half his crew*
Flint: You really aren’t.
Silver: I know if I add you and I together and subtract our clothes…
Flint: …I hate you.
[One. Week. Later.]
Flint: You have fives pieces of hard tack.
Silver: Yes.
Flint: Now, how many do you have if I take two away.
Silver: *scoops all five into his lap so Flint can’t have any* Five.
Flint: No, see, this is how subtraction works. I take awa—
Silver: FIVE.
Flint: Jesus fucking Christ. It’s a good thing you suck dick like a champion.
Years after Nassau, the comfort has grown stale. Silver pays a visit to a once friend; he is neither welcomed nor turned away.
Fic recommendation!
I like season one Flint with his cute, waxed mustachio so at odds with the rage-murder-face that he wears most of the time.
Also, Vane is like a lion and Jack & Anne are his hustle-lionesses
This Black Sails shitpost was inspired by this amazing post.
I can’t believe I spent all evening drawing these two as goths. I also can’t believe I took the effort to put them in clashing blacks THEN HID THEIR PANTS so you can barely tell. XD (I was a terrible Goth back in the day, fyi. I was too contrary and belonged more in the punk scene.
My friends: Come out with us to the Goth Club!
Me: What should I wear?
My friends: You can wear anything you want, as long as it’s black.
Me: Sounds pretty conformist for non-conformists. *shows up in pale khakis, a red plaid shirt, and steel-toed boots*
Me: LET’S DANCE YOU SAD MOTHERFUCKERS!
My friends: Jfc. Next time we pick your outfit.
)
@medusinestories pointed out The Tropical Goths sounds like a band name so we have Silver on Synth and vocals and Flint on guitar and screaming with rage.
John Silver, a Youtube-famous medium, and James Flint, a renowned sceptic, have hated each other for years. But all of that could change when they’re forced to work together on the same supposedly haunted house.
Words in chapter: 9345
Rating: Teen and up
Characters: John Silver, James Flint, undisclosed other characters
Relationships: Silver/Flint
Selected Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Paranormal, Ghosts, Haunted Houses, Blood and Injury, Mystery, Minor Character Death
Nobody seemed to be able to make Flint angry like Silver could, which was maybe why they were always up against each other on paranormal convention panels and radio interviews. Silver didn’t mind. It was fun, good publicity, and he enjoyed that little spark in Flint’s eyes when their gazes met.
Silver tiptoed through Flint’s dark cabin, opening drawers, feverishly seeking the book from which he’d obtained this mysteriously valuable page. He found a likely leather-bound volume and opened it at the first page. He read the first few lines of neat handwriting, and couldn’t help but get engrossed in them.
My name is Captain James Flint and I have a fucking hard body (that’s how I got my name). I have dramatic coppery red hair that reaches my lower neck and a beard that glints like fire in the sun and tumultuous green eyes like an angry ocean. A lot of people tell me I share my opinion on revenge with Thomas Middleton (AN: if you don’t know who he is get the fuck out of here!). I’m not related to flint the mineral, but people think I am because I’m a stone cold killer. I’m a redhead and fuck you if you have a problem with that. I have milky pale freckled skin. I have I’m also the Walrus’ captain, and I take bloody revenge on the British in Nassau where I plunder and sink any ship that crosses my path. I’m a pirate (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love stealing from the corpses of my victims and I get all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a heavy black leather coat over a burgundy shirt and tight breeches that reveal my thick muscular thighs, heavy rings on several fingers and leather shoes under black gaiters. I was walking into Eleanor’s tavern. It was stormy and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of Vane’s crew stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
“Hey Captain!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was… that little shit of a new cook with his stupidly hot curly hair!
“What the fuck do you want?” I asked.
“Nothing.” he said shyly.
But then, I heard Gates call me and I had to go away.
That’s where Flint’s entry ended. Perplexed, and slightly frustrated, Silver closed the diary and went about finding what he’d really come to look for. He suspected, though, that he’d be eternally haunted by the words he’d just read.
Note: Flint’s diary entry was lifted with great fondness and nostalgia from the (in)famous Harry Potter fanfic/trollfic My Immortal’s first few paragraphs. There’s also a generator here to make your own.
moosefrog asked:
medusinestories answered:
So of course this required research because I’m a geek. I found that Scarborough Fair, a British folk song, was already quite well known the early 18th century. There are a lot of recorded lyrics and there were likely several different versions circulating back then. This allowed me to choose the lyrics that fit the story best.
If you don’t know what the song sounds like, the most famous version is by Simon and Garfunkel, and it’s really beautiful. Just keep in mind that the lyrics sung in the background are Simon and Garfunkel’s addition (an anti-war message) and don’t feature in the traditional song.
* * *
Silver was sprawled on his usual bench in the Captain’s cabin, watching the sea outside. His stump was killing him, though he hoped not literally. The Maroon’s poultices seemed to be keeping that at bay, at least for now.
Flint was slumped on his desk, likely dozing, quill still in hand. Silver couldn’t blame him. The sultry air and the soft roll of the ship would lull anyone to sleep. That, and Flint and Silver barely slept more than a couple hours before someone awoke them both by bursting into the Captain’s cabin.
A tune was nagging at Silver’s mind. He couldn’t remember when he’d last heard it, but during his time in the Maroon camp it had surfaced in fragments, both beautiful and deeply annoying. He found himself humming it under his breath at the strangest of times.
Tell him to buy me an acre of land…
Eeee! This went above and beyond what I asked for! I always appreciate your attention to detail! <3<3<3 (And, as a child, Simon and Garfunkel’s Scarborough Fair was one of my favourite songs. I learned to play it on the recorder. I remember canoeing out into the middle of the lake we were camped at to play this song when the mist still hung on the water and it was cold and damp. Stupid me probably woke up campers. XD And yes, we had a small wooden canoe that I could handle by myself by my early teens.)
ALTSnugglebugs.
