Request – Chris Argent “Going on”

You were sitting cross legged in front of the drawer, trying to get it empty, trying to pack her stuff away, trying not to ponder over everything you came across. And failing of course. The notebooks you knew she had kept in school, neatly packed away, the last one only half full. She would never write more in it, and it just wasn’t fair. You held it in your hand, looked at it, unable to pack it away. She would really be gone if you finished this, and if there was something you didn’t want, it was her really being gone.
“It was only a week ago I still saw her writing in it, you know…” Suddenly you turned around. You hadn’t heard anyone coming in; you were too lost in your own thoughts. Chris was standing in the door, looking weird, like you never saw him before. His eyes red, he stood unstable. When he walked into the room and crouched down next to you, you smelled alcohol, and you understood.
“Have you been drinking?” He nodded.
“Too much, I’m afraid. It’s just…” He didn’t finish his sentence, but you knew what he meant. He had nothing, nobody left anymore. You didn’t want to say it, afraid it would devastate him completely. He was in a bad enough shape like he was now.
“She had still so much plans, you know… It’s just not fair. If someone should have been killed, it should have been me, not… not my daughter, not her. She was still a child!” He stood up, stood beside you. “I need another drink…” he said, before wanting to walk out of the room. Quickly you stood up as well. He already had enough, you couldn’t let him destroy himself, you weren’t going to watch that, you weren’t going to let that happen.
“No!” You grabbed his arm, but he shook you off, without thinking about it. “You already had enough…”
“Can I ever have had enough, now she’s not coming back? What would you know about it…” He turned around, but you were faster than he was in this condition. “You were never left completely alone!”
“And neither are you…” He stopped immediately, looked at you like he didn’t understand you.
“What do you mean… that I haven’t lost the last sane family I still had left?”
“Yes, you did… you lost Allison, you lost your daughter, and no one is ever going to make up for that. But…” You took a deep breath. You had wanted to say this for some time now, but you didn’t know how. “You’re not alone. I will be there, I’m sure Derek will be there, and who knows, if you let people in, I think there will be more. No one like Allison, no one will be able to fill the hole she left in your heart, but we’re there for you Chris…” He didn’t say a word, just stood there, watching you, apparently not knowing what to do, what to say.
“Chris?” Suddenly he stepped forward, took your head between his hands and pressed his lips on yours. You could still taste the drinks he had had, and despite the fact you really liked it, and you had been waiting for a long time for this to happen, you pushed him away. Yes, you wanted this, but not like this, not with him so drunk.
“I see you get what I mean… but let’s just try that again when you’re sober… I’ll be sure I’ll even be happier with it then.” You didn’t know if you had imagined it, but it even seemed a small smile appeared on his lips…