LET ME TELL EVERYONE ABOUT ACTUAL BROOKLYNITES – NAY, ACTUAL NEW YORKERS – STEVE ROGERS AND BUCKY BARNES
• Have you ever met a New Yorker outside of midtown who doesn’t talk with their mouth full? Me neither. Steve Rogers, garbled: “M’jus say’n s’bullshit,” he manages, and swallows. “Our team doesn’t belong in fuckin’ Cali. Listen. You hear that?” “Is it Jim Morita laughing at us from beyond the grave?“ “Hell yeah, it’s Jim Morita laughing at us from beyond the grave.”
• Steve Rogers getting splashed with water by a cab. “WHADDAYA DOIN, HUH? JESUS!”
• Steve Rogers, by turns incredibly polite and incredibly rude on the subway. “Is this guy bothering you? Because if he tries to grope you again, I’m kicking his ass, miss, pardon my French.”
• Food Trucks: The Autobiography of an American Hero
• Those dumb BKLYN ballcaps. Steve owns like minimum ten.
• Wary of visiting Barton in Bed-Stuy. “I think I liked it better when it was crooks,” he says to Buck, eyeing a hipster in confusion. That sweater has like fourteen different kinds of flowers embroidered on it; it looks like something his ma owned, only ironic.
• “How much is eighteen dollars in future money?” Bucky asks him inside the Balcony Lounge in the Met. Steve blanches, staring at the menu. “For a salad? Oh my God, we’re going to the cafeteria.”
• Haggling in the fish market. Listen to me, this is so important. “That fish is a fuckin’ tadpole, and you want how much for it?” Bucky demands. “Hell no, hell no, kid, I’m old enough to be your granddad. It’s fifteen for the bunch there or none.” “Sir, these are set prices.” Turning to Steve, incredulous: “Does nobody goddamn know how to do business anymore? I swear to Christ. Bleedin’ me dry. I’m moving to Hell’s Kitchen.” “Hell’s Kitchen is just as expensive, sir.” “Well, fuck a duck, Steve, you hear that?”
• Following along with a yoga class happening in Central from six feet away, hidden slightly behind a tree
• “Yeah, Carnegie got hit in the Chitauri attack.” “What?” “It’s fine! It’s fine! It’s still there!” Steve refers not to the hall, but the deli. Priorities.
• Searching for apartments. “I’m starting to get the feeling,” Steve says, “That it’s cheaper to live in Manhattan.” He reaches for the listings for the other borough. Bucky grabs his hand. “Do not,” he says, “If you don’t want to have an aneurysm.”
• Stopped by the HONY guy
• Bucky holding a stare-off with the 11 y/o kid on the subway wearing a Yankees jersey. The kid staring-off right back. Little punk.
• “Remember when New York was normal?” Steve asks Bucky, after watching the lady who owns the little domesticated monkey walk down Fifth Avenue, all up in her mink coat &etc. “Pal,” Bucky says, and drops a dollar into the can of a street performer, “New York was never normal.”
