Transgender Teen Survival Guide

Asked by Anonymous

Lee says:

Do I have to use the men’s room? I think it’s okay to keep using the women’s restroom if you’re a trans guy who isn’t currently passing. It can be intimidating to go into a men’s room when you may be questioned about it or if you could be unsafe there. So if you’re not passing as male right now, you’re allowed to use either the women’s room or the men’s room- you aren’t automatically required to use the men’s room even if you’re a man. But if you do want to use the men’s room, you’re welcome to do so even if you’re not constantly passing yet. And once you’re consistently passing as male, it’s time to start getting used to using the men’s room since you are a man.

Etiquette: In my experience, the modus operandi is basically pretend the other person doesn’t exist. I don’t make eye contact (which I don’t do anyway because I’m Autistic) and don’t start conversations. My voice is pretty high, so when I’m talking I don’t pass, so being silent is generally a positive anyway. You can give a head nod to people to kind of acknowledge their presence, but unless someone talks to you, don’t be too friendly.

In girl’s bathrooms, often there’s people doing their makeup or waiting for friends who are using the bathroom, but in boy’s bathrooms, it’s more in and out. If you’re using a stall that’s wheelchair accessible, look around to make sure that nobody who might need it is nearby, then do your business really quickly and leave. I try to use the bathroom when nobody else will be there, like in the middle of class instead of when everyone’s in the hallway or the start of class.

Looking out of place: I’ll be honest, most guys using the bathroom aren’t paying much attention to you, which makes it a lot easier if you sort of pass. Once I walked into a men’s room in my high school and the guys in there were smoking weed. If you don’t pass as male at all, they might tell you that you’re in the wrong bathroom. It’ll suck, but to avoid confrontation I usually just say “whoops” and leave, but you don’t have to do that if you think you’re safe. If someone questions you and you aren’t worried about safety, you can just say “I know” or “Dude, I’m not actually a girl” or whatever you want.

Urinals: If you have an STP device and you’re using a urinal, you want the one furthest away from anybody else using one. If nobody is there, use the one on the end furthest from the door. 

• Bathroom use and STP devices
• Packing and standing to pee
  
• Urinal etiquette – things you should know before taking a tinkle

Stalls: If you’re using a stall it doesn’t matter as much which one you use, but if there are multiple and one is occupied, try to use one that’s not next to another. If someone is in the stall and you need it, you can wash your hands, go into the hallway and then come back in a few minutes, or just wait. If someone asks you why you’re waiting, just say “gotta shit” or something to that effect, because guys poop too and have to use stalls, so it isn’t that unusual. 

Menstrual products: There aren’t any sanitary boxes in the stalls, so if you have to change your pad or tampon, you’ll need to bring a Ziplock bag or something that won’t leak to place the used one in. I’d wrap the pad in the plastic wrapper for your new pad, then wrap that whole thing in toilet paper. Then stick it in the ziplock bag- it’ll look like a wad of toilet paper in a bag- and put the bag in your pocket or in a special spot in your backpack like a pencil case dedicated to collecting them. Later you can discreetly throw it out in a trash can if there’s one somewhere in/near the bathroom. If anyone asks what it is, say you stick your used tissues in a bag so they don’t get gross everywhere. If they press and ask if it’s toilet paper, say you ran out of tissues! If they ask if you’re sick, you can say yes or that you have allergies. You could also try avoiding the situation altogether by using birth control to stop your period, or using other forms of menstrual products instead, like a menstrual cup which needs changing less often.

“Denial of access to a public restroom that is consistent with person’s gender identity may be discrimination based on sex and/or gender identity. Many state and local laws, or official interpretations of those laws, explicitly protect this right; however, in a few states the laws have been interpreted not to protect this right. While most states currently have no official guidance on this issue, you may file a complaint of discrimination with your state or local human rights agency if you are denied equal access to restrooms.“

• Check out the stuff on using the bathroom at r/ftm

And always wash your hands! I don’t care who you are, be sanitary!

Fox says:

First and foremost, pretend you’re a plainclothes detective on a mission. Get in and out, and don’t draw any attention to yourself. Your confidence will boost as you get the hang of this.

The absolute most important part is in your body language; you want to say that you belong there with your eyes, your stance, and your movement. You belong there. Do not attempt to make eye contact if you are afraid, and know that not making eye contact isn’t suspicious. Most people avoid it, as the matter of fact.

If you’re tempted to look at someone who is staring at you, don’t. They will speak to you if you look. If they speak regardless and you are not feeling confident, do not look. Pretend that you didn’t hear them and leave. If you are feeling confident, put that attitude forward when you return their gaze.

Upon confrontation, you have a few options.

1. Pretend you are extraordinarily offended that they think you’re a girl. Note that if you are nonbinary, a white lie that you’re a man would serve you better in this scenario. “What the cuss? You think I’m a GIRL?!”
   
2. Act shocked that you’ve winded up in the mensroom. This is the best option for someone who isn’t feeling confident, unfortunately…you’ll want to say that you weren’t paying attention.
3. Ignore them and walk out, if they’re not too close and you don’t have to walk past them to get to the door.

Okay, with all of that out of the way, let’s move on to peeing! If you don’t have an STP (”Stand to Pee” device), head for the stalls. If they’re all occupied, wash your hands and fix yourself up in the mirror until one frees.

Your urine stream will be silent if it rolls down the front of the toilet. To accomplish this, you should be sitting so close that you’re practically falling off. It shouldn’t be too difficult, though!

If you want your pee to be heard, you’re weird, but to make it sound normal, get as high up over the bowl as you can, as if you were standing. You also might want to turn your shoes around and pull your pant leg over your socks so it looks like you’re facing the toilet. I personally think this takes much more effort than it’s worth.

Thank you to eversolewd, who has pointed out that cisgender men typically pee sitting when they also have to poop! He suggests that you fart. Some of our followers feel otherwise, but I personally hear a distinct difference in the sound of urination streams between ps and vs. It’s something that I am paranoid for, but if it doesn’t bother you, don’t worry about it!

What to expect? Nast. Women’s restrooms are bountiful gardens in comparison to men’s restrooms, okay? I’ve seen blood on the walls, blood in the sink, feces on the walls, on the toilet, smeared on the doors…snot, most bodily fluids. Smells unpleasant. It isn’t always this way, but let’s say it’s an 1 in 1000 chance and you’re using men’s rooms for the rest of your life- that means that eventually you’ll encounter a gross one.

If it’s going to bother you, bring disinfectant wipes for the toilet seats and a handkerchief sprayed with something pleasant to combat the odor.

Followers, feel free to add on!