Transgender Teen Survival Guide

On the other side of the spectrum, what is the standard etiquette for women's bathrooms?

Lee says:

I try to use the bathroom when nobody else will be there, like in the middle of class instead of when everyone’s in the hallway or the start of class. If you can avoid seeing other people, you don’t have to worry about etiquette!

In women’s bathrooms there are only stalls, so you don’t have to decide between a stall and urinal. In the stall there’s a little metal box, usually next to the toilet paper dispenser, although sometimes it’s on the floor. You’re supposed to put your pads and stuff in there, but candy wrappers and small things are okay too if you’re pretending to be on your period. Don’t use it like a trash can though, so only small items can go in, and not food or anything.

When you come into the bathroom it can sometimes be hard to tell which stalls are open, because sometimes people close the doors when they leave (don’t do this!). If no doors are open, you can peek down to see people’s feet. Try to go to a stall that’s further away from the occupied ones if that’s an option.

If you’re using a stall that’s wheelchair accessible, look around to make sure that nobody who obviously might need it is nearby, then do your business really quickly and leave. Try to avoid using this stall unless there are no other ones available.

You usually sit to do your business, whatever that may be. If anything gets on the toilet seat or was on the seat, wipe it up with toilet paper, don’t sit on it or ignore it.

When you see someone, you usually just smile at them, ignore them, or maybe nod. If it’s someone you know it’s okay to chat if neither of you is in the stall, especially if you’re at the sink. Some girls talk to their friends while they pee, but when in doubt, don’t talk. You don’t want to talk to someone who is peeing unless you’re best friends.

If you’re acquaintances or not so close friends, don’t talk unless they start the conversation.

You can bring friends to the bathroom with you, even if they don’t need to use it. If your female friends says she has to go to the bathroom to pee, it’s fine to come along with. You don’t go to the bathroom with someone if you’re going to poop usually. It’s not unusual to see a girl just hanging around waiting for her friend. This can be reassuring because there’s someone to back you up if someone questions you, and it’s good to have friends around when you’re nervous.

If you’re the one waiting, you can look in the mirror, do stuff on your phone, or just lean against the wall or whatever. People often fix their makeup or hair in the mirrors, look at themselves to make sure everything is on point, etc.

You can talk to other people if you’re both looking in the mirror and complement their shirt or something, but usually you don’t talk to strangers, especially if they’re just in and out.

Sometimes the stall doors are closed but nobody is inside them. Check who’s in what stall by looking under the door just enough to see if there are feet there, then gently knock if you think it’s empty- then enter.

If someone is, and you’re finished using the bathroom and just looking in the mirror or washing your hands or whatever and you don’t hear any noise from the stall, the person is probably waiting for you to leave so they can do their business. Often people will wait to poop until nobody is there, and so you should do your thing then leave. Usually people don’t wait to pee unless they are shy or nervous, which a few girls are, but not all, but more people wait to poop.

If the stalls are full, you can just wait and do whatever. When someone leaves the stall, just go in. Flush before you leave the stall, even if you didn’t use the bathroom. It’s just a thing, I don’t know why. If someone didn’t flush the toilet, and you’re entering the bathroom, it’s acceptable to assume that toilet doesn’t work. You don’t need to go in that one unless there is a line behind you, and if there is, you’ll want to flush the toilet before closing the door so if it doesn’t flush and is actually broken or clogged, you can quickly escape and go back to the line.

If there is a line for toilets, you usually don’t talk to anyone in line, but can reply if they talk to you.

Because it’s more likely you’ll be interacting with other people, it’s harder to pass than in a men’s room for trans masculine people, and women aren’t happy when someone they think isn’t a women is in the men’s room.

If you get questioned, it’s usually best to either say you were confused and leave (if you’re worried about your safety), or be bold and say that “yeah I meant to come in this room- I’m not a guy!”

And always wash your hands! And don’t feel like you have to talk to people or linger around- I’d actually avoid doing that. Hopefully this covered all the potential bathroom situations you may encounter.

Chrissi says:

Lee, this is the most comprehensive answer ever. Good job.

To summarise;