Transgender Teen Survival Guide

Asked by Anonymous

Kai says:

There’s a chance your parents are just taking time to process and will eventually come around and support you. This may be a hard time for them because it’s unexpected and it’s a major change for them - they might be scared that you will be discriminated against because you are trans, or maybe they’re confused because they didn’t see this as your path for the future. If you give them time to work through it, they may come out and end up as your biggest supporters. Time will usually mellow them out - the first phase of them coming to terms with it can be the most intense and most difficult for both them and you to deal with.

Additionally, if your parents would be supportive, it may take time for them to get over the many years of thinking of you as and calling you your birth name / as a girl. They might not misgender you with bad intentions, but they might not even realize that they’ve gotten it wrong because they weren’t aware of your entire questioning and getting used to realizing you’re a boy, so this is new to them.

If you think they will be supportive / accepting, you can show them resources from organizations like PFLAG, etc. and find support groups for families/parents of LGBT+ teens/kids in the area or online. There’s also the possibility of family/group/personal therapy. If there are family friends who have kids who are also LGBT+ and are positive/supportive, maybe having them connect can help. One of the possibly bad things that can happen is if your parents just do research/find groups that are transphobic and negative towards LGBT+ people. It’s kind of not in your control, but if you steer them the right way, it might help. If your parents do NOT seem like they would be supportive, it might be better to NOT show them that because they might be worried/concerned that you are looking at “““bad”““ stuff online and not want you to be online.

Unfortunately, there is a chance your parents are not going to be supportive for you for a long time. My parents are like this, so the best/safest option is actually to not talk to them about it / avoid talking to them about it. Find a support network at school with friends, supportive teachers, etc. Online is also good if you can hide it from your parents (Tumblr, sometimes Facebook, etc.)

If you have supportive friends at school or online, get them to validate you and call you the right name and that will definitely help even if your parents can’t or won’t call you the right name.

I hope it works out and know that even if it’s not going well, things WILL get better and you are strong and you can make it. Send another ask if you need more help!