Transgender Teen Survival Guide

Asked by Anonymous

Devon says:

If you want to be called different names interchangeably: “Hey [friend’s name]! I know you’ve known me as [old/current name] for a while, but I’m actually more comfortable with [new names]. You can alternate between using those new names, I don’t have a strong preference between them.”

If you want to be called different names at different times: “Hey [friend’s name]! I know you’ve known me as [old/current name] for a while, but I’m actually more comfortable with [new names]. You can use [one name] when I’m wearing [certain jewelry item, pair of shoes, or etc], and [other name] when I’m wearing [other jewelry item, pair of shoes, or etc].”

For example, you could wear a purple bracelet when your name is Joseph, and an orange bracelet when your name is Lily.

If you’re not out to everyone, and don’t want to be out to everyone, add on: “Please use my old name when [list of people] are around.”

You could tell your friend over text, email, in a letter, on a phone call, or in person! Whatever works best for you.

In my opinion, it’s not necessary to come out as trans when you come out with a new name/ new names. People might suspect that you’re trans, and might ask about it, so be ready for that. Only come out, with name or gender identity, when it is safe for you to do so!

I told my family and teachers that I wanted to go by Devon (freshman year of highschool), before I was emotionally ready to come out as transgender to them. At that point, it was negatively impacting my mental health to be called my deadname, but I would have rather been perceived as cisgender than go through the coming out process with my gender identity. I didn’t tell my family or teachers that I was trans until months after they were all calling me Devon.

Do whatever is best for you regarding your name and gender! Stay safe!!!