I've been out as non-binary for a somewhat(?) long...

Asked by Anonymous

I've been out as non-binary for a somewhat(?) long time to my friends and my girlfriend (I'm afab if that means anything), but it feels like when they talk about me, and even when they're talking to me, they aren't using my chosen name and pronouns. What should I do?

Lee says:
I’d address the situation directly. Find a time when you can talk to each of them one-on-one, if you’re comfortable doing so. If you’re not able to do that because of anxiety, send a text.

You could say something like:

“Hey, (name). I’ve noticed you aren’t using my chosen name and pronouns. This isn’t a confrontation, but you using my new name and pronouns is really important to me. It shows you recognize my (nonbinary/gender) identity, and respect it. When people don’t use my (name/pronouns), it makes me feel (negative emotion) because (dysphoria or other reason why).
I know it can be hard to get used to calling someone something different than what you’ve always called them, but I’ve been out for (X time) now, and I’d like to be able to tell you’re making an effort to use (new name) and (new pronouns) to refer to me.
I want to work together on this. Do you think it would be helpful if I reminded you every time I notice you slip up? We could also try to practice using my pronouns and name in conversations, to help you get used to it. What do you think might help you remember?”

You can modify the above text to help you have an outline of what to say during the conversation! You want to state the problem (not using name/pronouns), why it’s a problem (makes me feel bad/shows disrespect), and then steps to make a solution (reminders/practice).