Transgender Teen Survival Guide

edrecoveryprobs:

This is certainly not the only way to come up with affirmations, and if you find other affirmations that help you feel better, definitely use those, too! 

1. Get to a place where you feel calm and grounded. This might involve going to a physical location where you can work with minimal distractions, using some coping skills to bring your anxiety levels down, etc. Your goal is to get comfortable so you can focus on the exercise ahead.
2. Identify the emotions that you struggle with. This is much easier if you have a record of your emotions in various situations, such as a diary or emotion log, but is possible too with a little introspection. Some examples: anxious, guilty, ashamed, worthless, angry, etc.
3. Identify some instances when you feel those emotions. Example: “When I misspeak in class, I feel anxious, ashamed, angry at myself, and embarrassed,” “When I am talking to someone and they interrupt me, I feel angry, frustrated, brushed off.” “When someone criticizes me I feel hopeless, overwhelmed, and panicky.” There are no wrong answers here, so be as honest and as frank as you can with yourself — remember that your goal here is to understand.
4. Take a self-care break. You may want to take a minute or two to make sure you’re feeling grounded, remind yourself that you are in a safe space, and use some coping skills as necessary. Recognize that your feelings, whatever they are, are valid, and take the time to process them. Go to the next step when you feel ready.
5. Identify the underlying fears behind your emotions. Emotional pain —any kind of pain, really — helps us identify when we are under some kind of threat, or when we are in danger of not meeting certain needs. So what are your emotions telling you? Example, “When I misspeak in class, I am afraid that people will write me off as incompetent.” “When someone interrupts me, I worry that that means they don’t care about me.” “When someone criticizes me, I fear that they think I am useless.”
6. Identify the assumptions at play. We process situations through certain assumptions, based on a zillion things: past experiences, watching others, fears, beliefs, etc. So what are you assuming in these situations? For example, “If I make a mistake, others will think I am incompetent.” “People interrupt other people because they don’t care about them/their feelings.” “Criticism indicates disdain and contempt.”
7. Challenge those assumptions. Come up with counterarguments, like, “Rational people recognize that everyone makes mistakes.” “People interrupt others for many reasons (they’re in a hurry, they are used to being interrupted and don’t see it as rude, poor impulse control, excitement, they’re distracted, etc.) — it’s not necessarily to do with me.” “If someone criticizes me, it means they think I can improve.”
8. Identify the needs behind your fears. Fear tells you that you need something, so the next step is to identify what it is you need. Example: “I need validation that I am competent.” “I need to know that others care about me.” “I need to feel worthwhile.” 
9. Think of healthy ways to fill those needs. If you can remind yourself that your needs ARE being or CAN be met, it lowers the stakes considerably and also empowers you to take real and effective action towards regaining true control of your emotions. Example: “I know I am competent because I have achieved x, y, and z,” “I am in the process of becoming fully competent; I am still learning.” or, “My friends and family have stuck around for a long time, they probably wouldn’t have unless they truly cared about me,” or, “I am worthwhile regardless of my mistakes; I am a work in progress.”
10. Write these down where you can find them when you need ‘em.Keeping some in your wallet (à la this post), on your phone, in the bathroom/your bedroom, on your wall, as your background on a computer — the list is endless.
11. Check in with yourself again. Feeling difficult emotions and dredging up stressful thoughts/fears/situations can be really draining even if it helps, too. You’ve taken a big step and you deserve a break, so practice some self-care (1, 2, 3), re-center yourself, and remember that you’ve made a lot of progress. Go you!

[image description: Text that reads “make your own affirmations]

Lee says:

Some example of trans-related affirmations and self-validating statements that you could write:

1. I am trans enough
   
2. My identity is valid and real
3. My existence is not an inconvenience
4. I don’t need to fit the stereotype to be valid in my gender
5. I deserve to have my pronouns and name respected
6. Asking other people to use my name and pronouns isn’t being unreasonable
7. Reminding other people to use my name and pronouns isn’t being too demanding, it’s asking for the respect I deserve
8. I am really (a girl/guy/non-binary) and just as much of a (girl/guy/nb) as any other (girl/guy/nb)
9. I don’t need to suffer a certain amount to deserve transitioning
10. I am authorized to take whatever steps I need to take to be comfortable in my own body
11. It isn’t selfish to transition and even if it upsets other people in my life it is still the right choice for me to make because I deserve happiness
12. I am worthy of help if I am suffering, and reaching out for help isn’t being a burden
13. I am more than my dysphoria
14. I am still trans even if I don’t experience dysphoria
15. I am allowed to express myself however I want to
16. I can wear whatever clothes I want to, choose to wear makeup or not, shave or not, and I am entitled to make decisions about my own appearance
17. Nobody can tell me what my gender is better than me because I’m the only one in my head experiencing it
18. I don’t need to transition medically to be valid in my gender (even if I’m a boy or a girl)
19. I can want to medically transition and still be a valid non-binary person
20. I don’t need to come out if I don’t want to, and I can choose who to share my identity with- and that doesn’t mean I’m ashamed of who I am
21. I am trans enough

Like OP said, you can add on your own tailored to what you need to hear, and it can be really helpful to make them into art and put them in your school binder or notebooks, or hang on your wall!