Tom Hiddleston, Tom Hollander and Olivia Colman are having lunch on the set of The Night Manager in Mallorca…
‘They never offered you Jon Snow?’ Tom Hollander asks Tom Hiddleston.
‘No, but…’ Tom Hiddleston shrugs.
'I could totally see you playing Jon Snow,’ Olivia Colman says enthusiastically. 'You would have been sooo brilliant.’
'Or Bond,’ Tom Hollander says. 'We’ve heard the rumours.’
Tom Hiddleston runs his fingers through his hair and laughs loudly.
'Chaps, chaps, that’s just so incredibly sweet of you.’
'You, Colman, I can see as that sexy witch who gives birth to a smoke baby,’ Tom Hollander says. 'Or the Diana Rigg part.’
'Diana Rigg is 77 years old, you cheeky bastard,’ Olivia Colman says, throwing a piece of flat bread at him.
'But you’re SUCH a good actress,’ Tom Hollander says, smirking. 'Evvvvvverybody says so.’
Olivia Colman sticks two fingers up at him and they both start laughing.
'What about you?’ Tom Hiddleston asks.
'I turned down Little Finger,’ Tom Hollander sighs, shaking his head. 'Six years of wolf pelt in Belfast?’
Olivia Colman roars with laughter again.
'Come on, Hiddleston, I want to see that video of you dancing on stage at that Korean press junket again,’ she says, rubbing his back cheerfully.
Tom Hiddleston tries not to look pleased.
'Me too!’ Tom Hollander says, clapping his hands together.
'Chaps, chaps - remember I hadn’t properly warmed up or anything, so it’s -’
He freezes.
Hugh Laurie, who has resolutely remained in character since shooting started, is wandering over to their table.
'We have to get him to just be normal,’ Olivia Colman whispers urgently. 'I can’t take this.’
Both Toms nod nervously.
'Mind if I join you?’ Hugh Laurie says in Richard Roper’s creepy voice.
Tom Hollander, a pained smile on his face, shifts over on his bench.
'Thanks Corky, old bean,’ Hugh Laurie says, sitting down next to him. There’s a pause. Olivia Colman kicks Tom Hiddleston under the table.
'Really admire this method approach you’re taking,’ Tom Hiddleston says. 'The de Niro milieu has always fascinated me.’
'I’ve always been more turn up, put on the hat, do the accent, go home,’ Olivia Colman says, trying to sound jolly.
'Remember when you were in Blackadder?’ Tom Hollander says. 'I’m as happy as a Frenchman who’s invented a pair of self-removing trousers.’
Everyone laughs, except Hugh Laurie. Tom Hiddleston takes a sip of his drink.
'Wait - this has got sugar in it,’ he says putting it down.
Hugh Laurie stares at Tom Hiddleston.
'Didn’t see me switch the cups, did you,’ he says menacingly.
'Quick, show him the video of you singing Man in the Mirror,’ Olivia Colman mutters to Tom Hiddleston.
'Five little monkeys jumping on a bed - one fell off and bumped his head,’ Hugh Laurie says in a terrifying sing-song voice. Olivia Colman gulps loudly.
He gets up and points two fingers at them like a gun. 'Bang, bang,’ he whispers and walks off.
They stare at each other. Olivia Colman takes the hands of the shaking Toms.
'It’s just pretend, it’s just pretend - say it with me.’
