When You Need Change

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When You Need

Hello! This is a blog dedicated to the world. I'm Lauren , and I want to inspire and help you. Feel free to message me anything and I will reply. Masterlist

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It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things work. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get.

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.

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“I love you,” it was like a whisk in his ear, a delicate lie swarming his crowded mind and eating at him. “I love you,” she says stronger, almost pleading with the emotionless boy. “I love you,” she growled, it wasn’t much of the truth but in there, the lies were white and blossomed to the thud of his heartbeat and the sound of his breathing. “I love you, Ashton,” she grabbed his face in a jerking motion, wanting nothing more than his attention. “Say you love me,” she moves closer to his face, watching as his eyes tick back and forth across her face, the first movement from him in awhile, oddly enough. “Say it,” she whispered quietly in hopes he might respond to the sweetness.

But he never does, sitting silently in his chair, motionless to all things. It was almost like he was dead, a vegetable that still had senses but refused to do anything. He became numb to everything, numb to the words and pleads that left her lips, left from her heart and to his eardrums but it only bounced around, never landing destination. Maybe he felt it, maybe it was real of what he held deep down, and maybe he was madly insane for loving something so different, but it could never leave his lips, it would never come out. He could barely form words to get out what was deep inside. He held on for so long, far too much, and everything just blurred together in a mesh of the unthinkable. He could never say he loved her, he could never get it out.

“Why are you so worthless? You never do anything,” she growled, startling him in his calm state, though no one would’ve ever guess he was surprised. “Why do I even try?” She talked to herself, asking many odd questions and criticizing everything. She grabbed his arm and pulled him up, dragging him to the bed as his feet softly shuffle on the hardwood floor. “Why don’t you love me? Why can’t you love me?” She was almost in tears, close to falling down her rosy face. She was an amazing actor, she always was, and always will be but he knew borderline that they were fake, not letting the small action phase him. In the beginning he felt bad for making his love cry but he caught onto the way her face never scrunched in sadness or how she could contour back to her anger, eye blazing, face that could make anyone crawl back into their safety shell.

She was beautiful. Beautiful eyes that could glow with all life in the world, hidden hells behind the beauty of the soft color, worlds no one would want to enter and be taken captive of but with one look, you’d be hooked. The way her hair fell down her back and how her hand fiddled with one another, her innocence hid all secrets she held and all the evil that roamed her mind. She was just as bad as him but something about her made it a little worse.

“Why don’t you love me?” Her face hardens, fake tears long gone and forgotten. She crawls on the bed and hovers over the motionless body of a boy. He stares up at her, face neutral of anything and this upsets her. How could someone one day give up like he did, give up what he had and now lives a life of nothing but relying on the one person that does nothing but take advantage of his sweet body. “You disgust me,” if only he could get out the few words he felt he knew how to say, he’d lay it down for the awful girl in front of him. For a second, his eyebrows twitched in disgust and he felt it, he felt it so deep down inside of him, he knew he no longer loved the nasty thing of a human in front of him, yet he’s the one heavily diagnosed with psychotic measurements. “I hate you,” she yelp in his face, making his mind shift to one of nothingness to anger in a matter of a second. He felt his body twitch with repulse for once, letting loose of all evil in him.

All evil. All evil that ate him. All evil that took his being and ripped it from him. All evilness that rotted to his core and back, radiating like ultra waves.

Her lips still stained his heart, the burning sensation shuffling around his brain and to the surface of his skin. The way her hands moved across his lifeless body softly, delicately soaking in his soft skin, kissing down it. The way he laid limp of all movement gave her the will to do as she pleased and with that, she took all advantage.

And maybe it was the way she worked at him or the way she rocked against his lifeless form, he knew all things evil, were, in fact, all things beautiful.

He was grown up to the fact boys are meant to be men and were to never show weakness, never cry, never have emotions. He lived up to men who were hardcore, steel emotion people that took on the world without an ounce of anything showing. But the way her body worked against him, her advantage at hand, he felt nothing but raw emotion, things he’s never took on. His eyes pooled with tears of betrayal, hurt, anger, and anything else in between. He couldn’t believe someone he trusted so drastically could take so much from him.

“I fucking hate you, you piece of shit,” it was a slap of reality to his face, a splash of cold water. He knew she never loved him, never loved him the way he loved her and he knew all things beautiful were never worth trusting because even the devil was once God’s favorite angel, but he fell for her and it hurt more than he’d like to admit. “I hate you,” each word had a gasp of air between it, her small fingers squeezing his face harder than necessary.

Something heavily stirred in him, his fingers twitching and his eyebrows scrunching in anger and other things he’s not felt in awhile. He wanted nothing more than to push her off him and give her a piece of mind about how he felt. He knew she couldn’t help it and he tried to stay away from blaming the poor girl, but fuck, he couldn’t do it every time she messed with him and now was a time when everything stirred to a boil and spewed from his every pore.

And for the first time in years, his hand shot out to push her delicate body off his. “S-stop. Just stop,” and he voice quivered, a delicacy she has been deprived of for ages but it felt so good, and it reminded her why she once loved him. How his voice brought pleasure in so many ways, how it made her heart seem to pound with every single sound that left his perfect lips. “S-stop,” he screamed, the voices becoming present once again because it was promised long ago that when his bond broke and love was no longer present, everything would tenfold on him to the point of almost insanity but fuck, he knew he was already insane and even more so for loving something so beautiful but so evil, and if anyone was the odd one here, it was her. She treated him so good, so fucking good but something latched onto her and took her innocence and turned her into something so tragic.

“Keep talking to me. Please, baby,” and once again her sweet voice attacked his every sense but his mind was going off and he knew the voices were taking over. He knew this was the real her, the girl he kidnapped years ago, so sweet and so deprived from any feelings from those around and he soon gave her all she needed. And it was almost like every time he kissed her, his own demons attacked her perfect mind with lies and promises that had no value to her but she listened and let them take over. “One more time, baby,” she crawled back over him, a crazed look in her eyes that made even him want to run. “One last time,” she whispered, her voice so honey sweet that he just couldn’t think straight.

And he knew what she wanted him to say and he couldn’t help but let it slip, the words soft and a hidden meaning within it and he knew that no matter how much he felt he no longer loved her, she’d show him up continuously.

But he felt so fucking lonely.

Alone.

And it was just one of those small words that meant entirely too much. Like fear and trust.

He could say at one point he trusted her and at one point he feared her, but now he was just alone with her and he couldn’t figure right from wrong.

And he was just a gentle beating heart swept away by sin.