The Charged Life

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SUMMARY:

Stress seems to be ruining people. But most stress is made up in our own mind; thus it can be controlled and minimized.  

How to better handle stress and become more peaceful, thoughtful and joyous:

1. Decide Not To Be  Stress Case: Are you allowing too much stress into your life? Keyword: Allowing. Most stress is not real and therefore you can make the intentional decision to not be as stressed anymore. In fact, most stress comes from one of two things: A false time crunch…or…making things more important than they really are. 

First, you can alleviate time stress by asking others, “When is the real deadline on this?” Most people say they want something from you when they want it, not when they need it. Stress melts away when you stop freaking out to achieve false deadlines.

Second, stop creating false dramas. Things aren’t as big a deal as you likely make them. Be willing to give yourself perspective. Ask, “How would my highest self view this? How would my best self deal with this?” It probably wouldn’t run around like a 9 year old child all stressed out! Remember: Whatever comes up, you got it. You can handle it.

2. Breathe: Most mental tension comes from physical tension. Relax by taking in deeper breaths. Let your stomach out and allow it to fill up like a balloon with air. This will help you calm down. This isn’t a perspective – it’s science. The deeper breathing you do, the more calm you can get yourself. Breathing is life; give yourself the gift of breathing it in. 

3. Take A Walk: Leave your office or house and go for a 20 to 40 minute stroll or brisk walk outside. When you are moving and breathing, this helps you open your mind and find more calm. 

4. Get Organized: Most stress in our lives could be managed if we just organized it better. Sometimes, just knowing that you are planning on handling something tomorrow at a specific time creates peace of mind now. Ask yourself, “How can I release the craziness going on now and plan to handle this?” Chunk out the hours of the day where you will move toward accomplishing those things that might be troubling you. When you get organized, you can better handle stress.

One of the most important decisions you will make in your lifetime is to better handle stress. Starting right now, decide not to be as stressed as you were last year or the year before. In doing so, you become happier, calmer and more present in your life and you get to experience what we call The Charged Life!

FULL TRANSCRIPT:

How do you deal better with stress?

Great question!

I think the first thing we must all do at some point in our maturity is decide not to be a stress case.

There has to be an intentional decision at some point in our lives where we say, “Look, I’m not going to be this stressed anymore. I’m allowing too much stress into my life.”

And please notice the words I’m using here. “I’m allowing too much stress into my life.”

Most stress is not “Real.”

No one hands you a plate of stress. It’s not something you see and we can transact and exchange. It’s something we make up in our mind. We make things stressful that may or may not be or have any cause to be stress inducing.

One thing that could stress you out might not be a stressful thing to anybody else. So that proves we’re making it up. And since we’re making it up, we should decide what we’re going to do in the future.

Are we going to always be stressful people or not?

I know that sounds so silly but I made that decision when I was young. I was 20 years old and I said, “Look, I don’t want to be a stressful person anymore.”

I used to stress about getting everything right and getting good grades. I’d stress about pleasing people and stress about, did I fit in? I’d stress about college, I’d stress about…

At some points all this is made up. Matter of fact most stress is coming from usually one of two things.

First is a false time crunch that we perceive.

We think we only have so much time so everything becomes stressed. “Oh my god, I got to get this done. I got to get this done. I got to get this done.” And we’re re-acting our lives to really false deadlines.

Someone asks you for something, you think you have to get to them right away. You probably don’t. It’s probably not a real deadline and unless you ask them, “When is the real deadline on this?”

I mean the point in which everything crumbles and falls apart. If you don’t get it then, what would happen? What is the worst thing that would happen if you didn’t get it at that exact time?

I’m crazy about this in my life. If someone says, “Brendon, I need this by Thursday.”

I say, “Okay. If you need it by Thursday is Thursday the day everything would explode and fall apart if you didn’t get it?”

They’re like, “No, I mean. Monday would be fine.”

And I just bought myself: Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and part of day Monday. I just bought five days by asking when the real deadline is.

Because most people they say they want something from you when they want it not when they need it.

So your job to help deal with just the time crunch that stress can feel like is asking, “When is the real deadline?”

And all these things that you’re stressed out about did they really need to be handled right now, this immediate second?

Would it be okay if you created a plan and you handled them over the next couple of days, next couple of weeks, next couple of months?

When you actually realize the unbelievable amount of time we all have as humans and how much more time we have when we become focused, diligent, intentional, disciplined—then we’re not so much stressed anymore. It’s like I will get to that when the time is appropriate for that. Before that, I’ve got other things.

I don’t get stressed out about time things anymore because I also realize that the second sort of trick our mind plays on us—is to make things more important than they really are.

You’re running around town really stressed out just to get the groceries. To get groceries? Groceries are stressing you out? Like come on now. I mean, some people don’t even have the ability or the gift to be able to buy groceries. They’re broke. You got the ability to drive around your car to go into a fancy Whole Foods. To find some kind of great food that you like and you get to choose; it’s not being served up on a metal plate in prison.

“Hey, you got some blessings here, right?”

But what we do is, “Oh it’s one thing I don’t want to do.”

And so we create stress and negative energy around it. 

Let’s better manage our minds. 

Let’s decide not to be stress cases. Let’s say, “How much time do I really have on this?”

You probably have more time than you think.

Or you could ask for an extension of time, as long as you deliver and you can realize that whatever you’re making up to be a big story, a big deal; it probably isn’t. And if you’re willing to give yourself a little bit of just perspective to say,

• “Okay, how would my highest self view this?
  
• How would my best self deal with it?”
  

Would it run around like a 9-year-old child “Ahhhh” All stressed out?

Or would it just say, “Uh, I got this. I can handle this. All things in due time.”

And you just allowed it.

Now, for some of you this whole conversation you’ve been fighting me and that’s because you think, “Well, he doesn’t understand me” or “My life is so much different” and all I have to say is, “Well then, you’re probably a stress case,” with all due respect, with all due respect.

People who fight basic stress advice are usually the ones who are the most stressed because:

• They want to make their stress right.
  
• They want to justify it.
  
• They want to have a reason for all this turmoil and drama and stress in their life.
  

They’re looking for a reason and you know what? There is no reason except that reason in which you give yourself.

There is no reason any of us has to be wandering around crazy stressed out.

We could all be much more peaceful if we would just do a few very basic things.

1. First get perspective on the situation.

• When is this thing really due?
  
• Is it that really important?
  

And if it is due and it is important, how can I go about this process and getting it in and getting it complete, relaxed, from a peaceful place? And what are the answers to that?

2. Second piece of dealing with stress is to learn to breathe.

Most of our mental tension is also coming from our physical tension. If you’re not breathing in the moment, if you’re just always taking little sips of air, you’re going to deal worst with stress.

But allow yourself to just breathe, let your stomach out.

Allow it to fill up like a balloon with air and expand and contract and actually take in deeper breaths—you’ll find yourself calming yourself down. That’s not my perspective, that’s not my belief, that’s science.

We can tell without any question that the deeper breathing you do the more calm you can get yourself. It’s the same reason why any person who deals with folks with a phobia or dealing with folks who are just troubled and struggling. Or the same reason you go to yoga and they tell you to breathe a little bit. Because it’s life, give yourself that gift of breathing it in.

Second, there’s no question that at some point even if you decide not to be a stress case. You actively manage your perspective about time and importance.

You’re taking in breath. You’re still going to get in with days where you feel overwhelmed—that there’s a lot going on and you’re kind of freaked out about it.

So, here’s two very simple things you can do:

1. Take a walk.

Leave the office or leave your house, go for a little bit of walk. I’m not talking about walking across the country and ignoring your responsibilities. Though, that sounds cool.

I would just say, go for a short stroll. 20 to 45 minutes of a walk outside, yes outside can completely open up your mind again, help you find calm and just some kind of inner sense because you’re walking, you’re moving, you’re breathing.

For some of you, that might mean exercise. Go for a run, go for a jog. Like move your body to dispel some of that physical tension and your mental tension, your mental tension might go with it as well. Makes sense right?

2. And then finally, for stress, it’s so simple, you’re going to hate it. It’s so tactical and people hate it when I say this but, it’s time to get organized.

Most of the stress that is in our lives could be managed if we just organized it. If you said, “Okay, I’m going to deal with this on this day, this on this day, this on this day.” If we really chunked out the hours of the day to move towards accomplishing the things that are troubling us.

Sometimes, just knowing that tomorrow you’re going to handle it from 9 am till 10 am, it creates a peace of mind. It like, moves it off the stress of now to saying that’s the time this is going to be handled. And once you have this knowledge in your mind, “That’s when I’m going to handle it.” It releases little bit of that craziness that’s going on right now.

Now, I know this is a little bit of a random conversation with you here today. I’m just sharing my ideas off the top of my head. I hope it supports you. I know without a question that one of the most important decisions you’ll make in your entire lifetime is to better handle stress.

To decide that your identity and who you are anymore, you’re not going to be as stressed as you were last year or the year before.

We should all become more peaceful, more thoughtful, more present, more joyous people as we age. Would you not agree? And if that’s true then it’s time to start now.

Get perspective, breathe, take a walk, get organized. Do whatever you have to do to handle that energy a little bit better. Do that over and over and over again. Suddenly it goes away. 

This whole game of life becomes a little bit of a game. You have a lot more joy and you get to experience what we call, The Charged Life.

Like this? Please share with your friends so that your loved ones can deal with their stress better and become happier, calmer and more present in their lives starting now. - Brendon